And Then There Was Me

*Disclaimer: This is original stuff, all brands are not mine, don't copy. Enjoy!

"Ashes to ashes…Dust to dust"

The velvet rose slipped from slender fingers to fall upon the cheaply finished wood.

"It's a shame we have to lose you from Cornell. Good luck with your transfer."

A nod and a fake smile.

"There you are ma'am. $3,500 and your checking account is closed."

The envelope stuffed with bills shoved into a cargo pants pocket.

I sighed as I pulled into a dirt laden gas station in the middle of nowhere Nebraska. Twilight had started to set in and I wasn't too pleased that the only sign of civilization I'd seen in the last five hours was a dilapidated service station. But hey my gas light was on and I wasn't going to take any chances of being stuck on the side of the road where at any moment the children of the corn could pop out and hack me to pieces.

I leaned against the trunk of my car, rubbing my arms against the night chill. I sighed and closed my eyes wondering for the zillionth time if I had been too rash in my decision to get the hell out of New York.

Maybe I should go back…maybe I'd been wrong to leave-

The clicking of the gas pump startled me out of my thoughts. Letting out a nervous laugh I replaced the gas pump and screwed in my gas cap. I shook my head trying to chase the previous thoughts away as I walked into the dingy shop lit by low watt bulbs. I couldn't question my decision any more. I'd come this far and I'd burnt my bridges. I only had forward to go. I pulled out a twenty and paid the old mountain man looking guy who was reading a hunting magazine.

He looked at me for a moment and then at my car by the pump stuffed with the remnants of my life, "Goin' ta college?" he asked as he handed me change.

A wry smile that bordered on grin touched my lips, "Yeah. You could say that."

Four hours and three luke warm frappachinos later I was crooning out one of my favorite tunes.

"Sittin' on a park bench not a penny in our pockets, but that's alright now, strumin' on a guitar all the girlies say they like-" I grinned, laughing outright at my giddiness. Mostly from lack of sleep and being alone for the past five days driving and singing to myself. I loved this song by Seven and the Sun. It always gave me a lift. That lift didn't last however for right in the middle of the chorus a puff of smoke and a few sparks flew from my cd player.

"Fuck!" I yelled and pulled the car over. Manually I rolled the window down. Ah the wonders of non power windows, I thought as I tried to wave the smoke out. I sighed

and flipped on the dome light so I could survey the damage. I wrinkled my nose as I noted a liquid ooze starting to froth from the slit of the cd player. My poor cd, I thought mournfully.

Well that's what you get for buying a twenty buck cd player off the street of new york, a voice inside my head told me snidely.

Shut up, I told it. Oh great…I'm talking to myself now.

Groaning I leaned my head on the steering wheel, "Damn I need sleep," I muttered.

I cautiously looked out my window at the ominous corn field, little more than tall dark gangly shadows that looked as if at any moment they'd spew forth the demons I just knew were hiding in there waiting for some poor sap to wander in and be forever lost, doomed to be devoured by the shadows of the night.

I let out a high pitched nervous laugh, trying to calm my worries.

"Just calm down, take a little nap," I told myself.

Rationally I knew it was the right idea. I'd had little to no sleep and I'd been on this godforsaken highway that was little more than a country road through one gargantuan corn field for the past four days.

Sighing I was just about to give in to my sleep deprived brain and allow it some rest when the dome light flickered out.

Letting out a startled shriek I tapped it with my finger to no avail.

With wide eyes I glanced outside. "Oh Hell no!" I yelled as I started up the car. There was no way I was staying one more second in this spot.

I floored my poor little car and went speeding along the highway once more. A minute later slow hysterical laughter started to spill out of my mouth until it built into a full fledged gut busting noise. Hey it was either that or cry, and crying was messy.

Consoling myself I thought, it can only look up from here.

"What?!" I shrieked at the lady behind the desk that I'd just handed my tuition check to. I'd finally made it to Alberton California, just outside of LA on the coast and instead of stopping to get cleaned up at a hotel I'd gone straight to the community college to pay my tuition and get my housing assignment. So after I'd handed over my $1,800 in small bills to the lady I was then dutifully informed that due to an over abundance of students accepting to come to ACU (Alberton Community University) they now had a shortage of housing available.

Now I understand this lady probably has a tough job what with dealing with the public day in and day out. I understand that this 30 year old mousy looking woman with plain brown hair, librarian glasses with granny beads and a moth-eaten pink sweater probably deserved a vacation, but let's face it, I was mad so at that point I really didn't care.

"What?!" I shrieked a second time, "You have no room for me?!" I pounded my fist on the reception desk, causing one of her picture frames to fall over and the frail waif to flinch.

"Listen lady, I just went through the ordeal of having my grades transferred from Cornell, I crammed my whole life into my junked out Honda from the eighties, drove pretty much straight through all the way from New York to LA except for spending one night in a cockroach infested box that was a sorry representation for a motel, only to have you tell me that I have no place to live! Is that right? Are you saying that you don't have one damn room for me?"

The line that had formed behind me fell silent as the lady in front of me opened and closed her mouth in several attempts to speak.

I admit, I must have been quite a site with my crazed bloodshot steel grey eyes and my tangled dark brown hair. Not to mention I looked like a lumberjack from hell in my red plaid shirt with my frappachino stained yellow tank and my cut off kahki cargos with beat up sneakers on my feet. So due to my appearance I decided to cut the fish impersonating lady some slack .

I let out an aggravated sigh and snapped out, " Oh nevermind! Just for future reference make sure you let people know ahead of time that you don't have a room for them."

I stalked through the crowd and stormed out of the building in a rage. Muttering about the irony and injustice of the whole situation I got in the car and drove to a run down looking motel. After getting a key from a grungy looking clerk I grabbed my suitcase and threw it down on the bed. The suitcase didn't even bounce, it simply sank into the mattress.

At this point my thoughts came to a peak in my mind and jolted me with a lightning bolt of a question.

What the fuck am I going to do?

Good question huh?

I glanced at the mirror trying to hold a smirk, trying to shrug off this new problem. But the image was not the same as it had been a month ago.

Geeze….did I really look like that?

I looked haggard and unkempt, like instead of being twenty it looked as if I had lived a whole lifetime and them some. I had the look of a girl on the edge of giving up.

Unwillingly a sob arose from my mouth. I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth but it was too late. The dam had broken. Another sob wracked my body as I fell to my knees with tears running down my cheeks.

What am I going to do?! I cried out in silence.

I was afraid. No, I was more than afraid…I was terrified. I had no clue where I was going or what I was doing with my life and for organized little me that was scary. So for now I laid on the floor curled in a fetal position crying the pieces of my broken world out.

"Mommy," I whispered.