16Then There Was Me
Chapter Eight
Neat Freak Revealed
A/N: Yeah it's all mine.
The next day I was hardly awake or even coherent when I was, so I don't remember much except a few stumbles to the bathroom and maybe having a pain killer choked down me. Though at one point I swear someone came in and yelled, "Pizza's here! Halo time!" and what sounded like an army of people swarming around me. But I think that was just my imagination.
So I awoke around twelve the second day to an oddly quiet apartment. Well at first I thought it odd until I sat up and realized everyone was still asleep. It indeed looked like there had been a party last night what with a dozen or so Arnold's A pizza boxes spread around the floor. I sat up and let my gaze wander around the living room, or what I assumed was the living room. Directly in front of me was a beat up coffee table with so much crap piled on top of it I wouldn't have known it was a coffee table except for the fact that I saw the legs and the space underneath, and since I assume piles of crap don't just float (though around here maybe they do) I concluded it was a coffee table that held the pyramid of junk. Against the wall in front of me sat a huge tv with like ten remotes lined up on top of it. The floor around it was littered with at least two X-box consoles, a play station 2, old skool Nintendo and dozens of controllers and games.
I shook my head in amusement and then winced in pain as hammers pounded in my brain. I decided this is what a hang over must feel like, since I've never had one before. At the end of the couch by my feet was a small end table littered with crap and after a space there was another couch pushed up underneath the big window that almost took up the whole wall, length wise. On the tattered, duct tape, seventies-looking, couch were two bodies. All I could see were the heads and feet. I thanked God their bodies were covered by a blanket because I didn't want to know if the boy and girl were naked.
Cringing I looked behind the couch. What immediately drew my eye was the wall above the dining room table (also covered in crap) and was covered in pink and yellow papers, some of them proclaiming in bold lettering the world "Citation". I grinned making a mental note to check it out later.
Turning the other way I noted the kitchen which I could see through the bar stool window area. Taking in the rest of the view I saw a hallway that led somewhere. I could see the front door and a few feet away to the right and before the TV was a door hanging slightly ajar…well not really ajar as more hanging off the top hinge. I really couldn't see the carpet but I decided I might not want to after seeing all the clothes, pizza crusts, Naddy Light beer cans, cigarette butts, and (cringe) even a couple condom wrappers lying on top of it.
Deciding my urge to pee wasn't dire yet I drifted off back to sleep.
When I awoke a few hours later I groaned. Now I really had to pee. The question was 'How do I get there?'. The few times I'd gone I'd been in a dazed state and couldn't recall the method of transportation. Without allowing myself to think about it too long I rolled off the couch and groaned as I caught myself on my one good hand and opposite good knee.
"Unnnh," I couldn't help but let out as I started to crawl across the floor. Aches shot through my body but they weren't as bad as the smells that permeated up from the trash littered floor. Consciously I wasn't entirely sure where I was going but apparently I'd been to the bathroom enough that my body knew where it was going. And sure enough I soon found myself grasping the doorframe to pull myself up so I could face the bathroom.
Holy Crap!
There was no way I was going to use this bathroom!
How could anyone stand to have a room like this in their house?! If I worked for the CDC I'd have condemned this place a long time ago. Hazmat seriously needed to do their training here.
It was a small bathroom painted blue with white tiles. There was a shower/tub situated against the wall and to the right there was the toilet and sink with cupboard underneath and medicine mirror over top. All in all, the makings of a quaint bathroom.
Unfortunately it looked as if a band of ninja monkies had been locked in here for days in a fight to the death. The grout of the tiles was stained black from layers of dirt and the tiles were smudged with black, brown, red, and puke green colors. I felt myself cringe at the thought of what produced those colors.
My eyes traveled in horror to the base of the toilet where a pile of towels and a once vibrant yellow shag rug lay in heaps. From here they looked melded to the floor, as if they'd once been wet, dried out, wet again, and dried once more in a never ending cycle. The rest of the floor was littered with dirty cargo shorts, shirts, socks, and (gasp!) a pair of boxers!
I crept closer to the toilet sparing a glance at the sink. I cringed as I noticed a huge rust trail leading down to the drain from a pair of pliers that was a make shift handle for the cold water. I suppose I should have been happy to note the globs of dried toothpaste in the light blue sink, after all it meant someone brushed their teeth, but the other speckles of grunge dotting around the toothpaste sort of nullified the positive note. But if I thought the sink was bad….ooooo boy was I wrong. The sink was a walk through a flowery field compared to the toilet.
Oh the horror…I can't even being to explain. The bowl water was a yellow color, with burnt cigarette butts floating about like abandoned ships, and there were huge rusty, brown stains running along the inside of the bowl. Tendrils of toilet paper were clinging to the rim as if trying to escape their fate of being flushed down the toilet. And of course the toilet seat wasn't down. Gingerly I used some toilet paper from the roll (which was surprisingly full and on the toilet paper holder) to put down the seat. I did my business as quickly as possible and then prepared to flush the toilet. Taking a deep breath (after which I gagged) I pushed the handle and braced myself for the worst. The toilet emitted a high pitched shrieking sound, (which caused me to stumble back into the towel rack, knocking it off the wall) and surprisingly all the water went down taking the hideous toilet concoction with it. And then it filled back up again with clear water.
I blinked, amazed. I had been expecting a Mount Vesuvius to erupt from the abominable toilet. Just goes to show that looks can be deceiving.
Shaking my head in disbelief I surveyed the bathroom once more.
Leave it alone Jess, it's not yours, my common sense tried to warn me.
But darn it! There was a whole new life form of mold growing up the crack between the shower and the wall!
I know, I know, I'd only been in the apartment for a few days, and those were spent in a drug induced haze; but, there was no way I was going to stand for living in a cess pool. So having made up my mind I hobbled off to find my car keys. For in the back of my trunk was a very precious box. A box that contained every cleaning supply known to man; and, so many sterilizing agents that it would make a Hazmat team jump for joy.
With what might be considered a sadistic chuckle by many I thought, These boys won't know what hit them when I get finished with this apartment.