14Disclaimer: I own NONE of it.
Quotes from 'The Week' magazine:
-An Iowa man arrested in his boxer shorts has sued the police for releasing him from jail dressed the same way. After allegedly threatening the police, Halsey Wasson was briefly jailed and then released- still wearing boxers. In his lawsuit, Wasson says he suffered lasting humiliation when he "had to crouch behind the jailhouse pillars, to no avail, to attempt to protect his privacy". Told that his client was wearing boxers when he was arrested, his lawyer said, "I don't think that's an excuse."
-Crowds flocked to a Dominica Republic hospital to catch a glimpse of a patient afflicted with an erection that lasted six days.
-A Maine man called police for help after trying to crucify himself. "When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," said Lt. Pierre Boucher.
-The Bush campaign removed a feature from its Web site that allowed people to add their own slogans to Bush-Cheney '04 posters. Pranksters began putting up posters on the site that said, "Say goodbye to your job" and "Not if you're gay".
-A 62-year-old Frenchman who walked into an emergency room complaining of a stomach ache had $650 worth of loose change in his stomach. Doctors removed 12 pounds of coins, jewelry, and needles.
-A French author Michel Thaler published a 233-page novel with no verbs.
-A Los Angeles man has undergone plastic surgery to make himself resemble his beloved pet Rottweiler. Mark Allestier got the idea after seeing TV shows about people who have surgery to look like celebrities. "I don't care about movie stars," he said, "but my dog Mojo's face reveals all the inner qualities I want in myself: strength, loyalty, friendliness, and a zest for life." A Swedish clinic agreed to flatten Allestier's nose and give him dog lips and fangs, but he now admits having second thoughts. His wife left him, he lost his job, "and worst of all, even Mojo seems to treat me differently."
-Beware of the bouncing tiger! Twenty-four Disney World guests have accused a costumed park employee of fondling them. "It appears all of our complaints are focusing on Tigger," police said. Tigger, women said, often put one paw around their shoulders for photographs, while groping their breasts with another. He felt up one woman while she was videotaping her 3- year-old daughter. "Her daughter asked her what Tigger was doing," a police report said, "and the victim jokingly said, 'I don't know; I guess Tigger likes Mommy.'"
-Several prudes demanded that the owner of a Tennessee gardening supply center to cover up its collection of classical-style nude statues. Owner Angie Langford fashioned velvet bikinis for the $99.95 lawn ornaments, and now customers are flocking to the store and buying them up. "They are pulling up the tops and looking underneath," she said. "They wonder what we're hiding."
-Perhaps we're going to have much more shorter movies: Wal-Mart and Kmart announced plans to sell a DVD player that can be programmed to automatically skip scenes with sex, violence, or bad language.
-Republican Sam Walls, 64, admitted during his campaign for a seat in the Texas House of Representatives that he often dressed in women's clothes. He lost by 20 points.
-A 38-year-old Australian dentist blew his nose with such force that he expelled 60 percent of the frontal lobe of his brain through his sinuses. When paramedics arrived, Marv Tyrier of Brisbane was already dead. "This is definitely one for the books," said the editor of the medical journal 'Anomalous Deaths'.
-A Web site of 'Southern Living' magazine warned readers not to make the Icebox Rolls described in its latest issue. "Combining the water and shortening as described in the recipe," the notice said, "may cause the mixture to ignite."
-Parents should not chastise kids who pick their nose and eat it, says a leading Austrian doctor. "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner," says Dr. Friedrich Bischinger. "And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system." Ingesting the bacteria from your nose helps inoculate the body against illness, which may be why this instinctual behavior evolved. "I would recommend a new approach, where children are encouraged to pick their nose."
-A British gymnast survived a fall from a fourth-story window because he went into a somersault and came down on two feet.
*15! That's it for now. Doing more next week, if I have time. Please R&R and leave some comments about how you would like it to be. Flames will be forwarded to the original author (ha, bite me). Only continuing if I get reviews! There's no point to keep writing if no one's reading.