We'd go into the city. What little city there was around the university, alone, and find places. Secret places no one knew about, or big tourist attractions. Gardens and little lakes and car lots. Then we'd meet at my dorm or his house and we'd go to one of them.

I'd take him to the botanical gardens and teach him how the flowers talk to each other at night and how the ones that look alike are twins or sisters, how the bluebells wear bonnets and fairies live in between rose petals. Deca taught me that. About fairies.

He took me downtown to the commercial sky scrapers and taught me about the architecture. The careful swirl of concrete on the corners of the old buildings, gargoyle type figures, the giant glass behemoths that were the modern office buildings, all brown glass sides and yellow fluorescent lights.

We were together and that became all that mattered, we grew up together in some sense, even though we never really spoke to each other, he was always there and he knew all my friends and so there was no backgrounded information ever needed. We never talked about the company or the way it used to be then.

Once I took him to the celestial time fountain and taught him how a sundial works and he asked how I knew and I said Deca and it was the first time I had said her name out loud in so long. It used to song like a song, a lullaby, but now it just sounded hard and cold like your alarm clock in the morning . Deca. Deca had been the one. He just nodded and ran his fingers over the weather smoothed roman numerals around the dial. "She used to love the fountain. Back home. I remember that." I said without thinking. I just wanted to fill the void that had suddenly sprung up in the silence. There had never been a void in our silences before. We had never really needed words. "You miss it there?" He asked But it sounded forced. Like he didn't really care what the answer was and so I didn't answer because if he didn't care then it was just a waste of words. After that we never spoke of home again.

I took him to a little man made lake that was probably on someone's property and was really far off and hard to find but it was worth it. There was a row boat tied up and he rowed us out then threw the paddles into the water and kissed me and I didn't think about how we were going to get back. Which was a first for me and I started to wonder if this all wasn't something bigger than I originally thought.

In the end it only took a few hours for the boat to drift back towards a shore and I didn't even notice until we got back in his car how cold and dew covered I was. Cara was waiting up for me when igot back at three am because she was worried I was getting too serious too fast and she said she never saw me anymore. I felt bad but I didnt know what to say because I felt like my life was finally coming together again. My hair smelled like lake water and rotting wood for three days after that no matter how many times I washed it.

When the leaves started to change and fell off the giant oak trees all the co-eds in our dorm got together and raked them up and Landon came and threw me in the pile and I got leaves in my hair and down my hoodie and I didn't care for a change. We'd have bonfires on campus and drink those keg shaped cans of beer because it was more fun that way and the boys would set off illegal fireworks and I'd keep my hands warm by keeping them in Landon's pockets and he'd make fun of me for always being cold.

I was always hurting myself, skinning my knees jumping fences and twisting ankles hiking. We'd go rock climbing and I wouldn't be able to lift my arms for days. I began to feel stronger and I got back some of the muscle I lost after quitting track in high school.

Cara never really understood it. She said it wasn't like we were dating. It was like we were taking a class together. Going out to all this random places and talking about them and running around climbing thing and acting like children.. She'd ask why we didn't just go to the movies and make out in the back row like a normal couple.

I didn't tell her that after we got to these places and talked about them or explored them we'd always end up the same way. I thought she wouldn't understand that it was more than just sex and I sort of liked that we came off as weird and mysterious to her. Like it was some language of dating that only we spoke, and secretly I had come to think that it was much more than dating. I hadn't found the word for it just yet. I wasn't totally sure there was one. I thought we were a kind of special unique thing.

It was late October before I knew it and Cara was helping me make my fairy costume for Halloween parties, she was just going to be a playboy bunny. I told her that wasn't very tactful. She told me not to be so full of it. It was only a month until Thanksgiving. But I had already forgot I couldn't wait to go home again.