Confusations of Driver's Ed, Health, and things that start with S.
-A Cindy Moon Creation-
Chapter 3- How to Annoy Gargantuan
"The most comfortable death is freezing to death, you just feel sleepy and pass into death."Well what can I say? There needs to be a break in education. It's hard to hear how stupid you are everyday; it's hard to hear an egotistically bitter teacher say things like, "My shape is gorgeous, yours is lacking" or "You suckers thinking you can go to college, and live. Let's say you're an engineering major 50 pounds overweight and you're going for an 800,000 dollar job. You're overworked, overstressed, have grey hairs and high blood pressure. You're a stick of dynamite!"
It's really not fair. I wanted to be an instructor at 24 Fitness.
Life really is screwy. I get stuck with shistload, yes shistload more after class. I'm sure you know exactly how I feel. That's right, there's someone stalking me! Eee gawds Brain! I'm scared! Let me reintroduce you to a species I'd like to call Gargantuan. Gargantuans hover over you because he/she couldn't get friend of his/her own. Gargantuans are extremely clingy beyond belief, and are incredibly oblivious. No matter how many times you might say, "Get the h-ll away from me!" Gargantuan will still be there. Don't like it huh? We should all call and complain. (If you hate your living conditions right now, and believe that the government should take action call 1-800-Arnold and scream your thoughts.)
How to Annoy Gargantuan:
Step One: Engage in a conversation solely containing the words, "Really." Change your tone as needed from inquisitive, enraged, casual, valley girl-ish, and lethargic. Continue this for five minutes or longer. It helps if you involve your groupies as well. When that doesn't work resort to asking very blatantly styled, annoying questions:
-Why can't you find other friends?
-Can you get AIDS from money?
-Can't you lose any weight?
-Are you from New Zealand?
-Did you know we hate you?
-Is the moon made out of cheese?
-What color is the sky, no really, is it green?
Step Two: Attempt to give Gargantuan friends by randomly approaching people and asking them if they would like to be a friend for Gargantuan. When all else fails, bribe random people with candy, pocket lint, and money. Warning: You will find resistance! Still be strong, and carry a hall pass looking piece of wood with your name on it to drop for scavenger hunts.
Step Three: Start a poisonous smoothie company. If you really must kill the Gargantuan, then poisonous smoothies are the way to go. It's amazing what you can learn in school. So as a note, never take anything from anyone if you aren't certain of what it is. If you ever see Jessie being your bartender, and you order an alcoholic beverage, she'll charge your sorry ass for it and she'll give you water. You're too drunk to tell the difference anyways. You want some delta-9 tetrahydrocannabinol? We'll roll some parsley and rat poison for you. Anyways, here's a list of poisonous plants for you to use, azaleas, daffodil bulbs, Lily-of-the- Valleys, and wisterias just to name a few.
Well, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Did you know Mr. Rogers was a registered navy seal with over 40 confirmed kills?
=] I like you…