Questions to Run

Should I run?

If I run I know everything will just get worse…

But if I did run… where would I go?

Across the street? To a friend's house?

Maybe a park?

The consequences for running are

Definitely greater then if I stayed…

Aren't they?

Stay here and feel empty.

Run out there and feel alone/paranoid/scared.

But running is the only option.

The only semi-safe option anyway.

I'd run. They'd find me.

But what if they ended up not

Caring enough to look for me?

I'd feel worse.

And then I'd get deeper into this hole I've dug.

I don't want to get deeper,

I want to get out.

They're all pushing me to run,

Or to fight back.

I've fought back before,

But the outcome hurt me for a week or so.

I mean, would anybody really notice?

Should I tell them if I run?

This is something completely new for me

And nobody is here to help with it.

If I go to a friend's house they'd find me.

They'd go there, get me and then I'd be in way deep.

A park isn't close enough to anything…

Nor does it have easy resources for food and such.

But then again, nobody said this attempt would be easy.

I'll keep on pondering this and in the long run if I do it

I'd think back and go "that was so childish and weak"

Or I'd think "I'm glad I did that- I showed them I'm

Not playing around".

And if I don't do it I'd either regret it or just forget about it all together.

Does everybody go through this stage?

Thinking of something so much that you know you want to do it deep down?

Like going Bungee Jumping or Hang Gliding-

Ballsy people can do it.

Weak people can't.

I've been a weak person for far too long.

I want to be strong, wild, and independent.

But where do I run?

~Carr