Chapter 12: PWN3D

We were clearly out matched.

Only ten seconds into the actual fighting and our combined strength was already failing us.

You see, we had just been sent sprawling by one blow. Not that the prospect of that being unusual for this game. It was the fact that we didn't see him do it that worried me.

Now I, and the much more heavy Kankuro, were skimming the ground at a relatively alarming rate. I could taste blood in my mouth, but I wasn't sure where he had hit me. My shoulder hit he ground and I started to roll against the stone floor.

There was a blur of gold and white. Suddenly a spike of pain crept through me as a sharp kick, at least I'm pretty sure it was a kick, was delivered to my back. I was air-born again. I heard a sound not unlike that of a spoon hitting a pot and Kankuro joined me in my aerial delight. Air swirled around us and I dared to open my eyes in spite of the inhuman amount of pain I was in.

He was there. Just sitting there on his nimbus. Looking at us like we were some sort of slightly undercooked meat. Almost unsure if it was worth it. The he whipped out the rod, had it extend to the length of a baseball bat, then used it to propel me thru the side of his palace. I'm not sure what he did to Kankuro, but I heard him scream.

The inside of the Kings abode was no less opulent than the outside. With many artifacts and much gold and silk everywhere. And then there was me to ruin it all with my body flying faster than was probably healthy for me crashing through God knows what at a rate that would make an insurance company cringe. As soon as I came to a halt, several maids began to clean the mess. I don't know where they came from. It must have slipped my mind after my third concussion that day. What I do remember is that one of them looked suspiciously familiar. With black hair and purple eyes.


Although, it didn't sound that way coming out of my mouth. My jaw had lost much of its function.

She looked over from her work, sweeping up scraps of my clothing and separating them from the ceramic waste.

"What's up?"

I tried to gum out some coherent sentences. Even I could not understand what I was saying. It looked like the got the gist of what I meant, however.

"I take it you met the boss, huh?"


She screwed up her face.

"Well you're on your own!"

She pulled down her eyelid and stuck out her tongue, all the while maintaining a haughty tance with her other hand on her hip which she had thrust out to the side. It looked pretty stupid in that French maid get-up.

"By the way, what's up with the outfit?" I said, the haze clearing out of my head.

"Oh this?"

She waved her hand over her dress.

"He makes everyone wear one of these. Apparently we owe him some service."


Folding her arms under her bust and cocking her head to one side she continued.

"Yeah, every now and again he captures players instead of killing them. Then they have to work for him for about seventy-two hours of service or until he's beaten. Unless one of those happens, we cant leave the palace grounds."


She sighed.

"It was cute at first but now this thing is getting kind of itchy. Could you go kill him, already?"

"I would but-"


"I can't move."

"What do you mean?"

Indignity crept up into my voice.

"Well, all my limbs are broken and I think I'm bleeding internally."

All she did was blink a few times before tugging at the collar of her dress.

"That's rough"

I coughed up some blood. I really shouldn't have to tell her these things.

"Yeah. You think you could-"

"Huh? Oh! Right."

She knelt down beside me, laid her hands down upon my broken body and closed her eyes. White ribbons of magical lace spun them selves around my body. Pops and crunches and many squishing noises filled the air as my bones and tendons jerked back into position. Truth be told, it almost hurt more getting fixed up rather than the other way around. She really, honestly, needed some more levels.

It was going a little bit this time, but I figured Kankuro could hold his own.

'Oh thats right!' I thought. 'Kankuro needs some too.'

"Lise, I'm gonna take you down to fix up your brother once your finished here."

Her eyes snapped open and I felt her whole body tense for a few seconds.

"He's here!? Ooh! I told him to leave me alone today! Stupid little..."

She grumbled on until we were finished.

Back on my feet I worked the stiffness out of my limbs for a few seconds before putting Muramasa back in its place. I then quickly grabbed Lise and headed towards the hole in the wall.

"OK, hold on tight."

"You're not gonna-"

I did. The jump down was pretty far but luckily for me I had super-human strength and since the laws of physics mean nothing here it was smooth sailing. I was able to land on my feet and no sooner had I done that Lise jumped out of my grasp.

"Don't do that! I can't trust a degenerate like you, can I?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Geez, let it go."

All she did was turn her head away in reply.

"Come on! Unless you wanna stay here forever we gotta go help Kankuro out."

"Right, right."

Turns out the King was having fun playing tennis with himself. Kankuro did not enjoy being the ball. It was a wonder I was even able to tune out his screaming before hand because as we entered the courtyard his hoarse cry filled our ears.

"So, he really did tail me, huh?"

"Guess so."I said, not really getting what she said.

Muramasa and Masamune were out in a flash. I had to go all out this time.

"When I distract him get to Kankuro, alright?"

"Okay, you think you'll be fine?"

I honestly thought about it. It was true that he was statistically the superior fighter I had...I had.

I had nothing!

"Sure. No problem."

"Let's go then."

I dashed forward. Now what skill to use to get his attention?

It was a simple choice, really.

"Here we go!"

I raised the swords above my head. This one needed careful aim. I had to wait. Thankfully he still didn't know I was there.

"Sonic Boom Slash!"

I brought the blades down faster than the eye could see. Twin edges of crimson colored sound launched in sync with each other. They wove around each other and danced in the air with needless acrobatics until they finally closed in on their target. There was a loud crack, and the Monkey King fell from his perch in the sky.

Lise bolted to the falling form of Kankuro, frilly lace and all. Amazing how she could move that fast under all that fabric.

He crashed into the ground as the Monkey King rose.

"Ow! Dammit! What the hell was that for?"

"You smacked me thru a goddamn wall! What do you think!"

Well well, an update. Catch the exciting conclusion of the Monkey King battle next time. After that, who knows? I may actually have a plot!

Peace and Love forever!