With each look, each touch, each breath she obliterated all but one star in my universe. Alone, she shined brighter than a thousand times all the stars in the universe combined.
Even as she stood, frozen in the eerie silence of her dead world, with all the destruction and horror that preceded our arrival, I remained lost in her beauty. I could see her devastation, feel her sadness, she was so paralyzed in solemnity and loneliness that she couldn't even shed a single tear.
I'd swear that for that moment time had ceased to exist, and I even felt the need to look back at my watch to see how much time had really passed. It had been nearly two minutes that we had stood there, no words, no movement, and just a single wandering thought.
Then, all at once, she looked down from the displayed image of the late Earth that sat below our ship and mustered together all she could to hide her shaky, pale complexion. She would sojourn her heart once again to that dark, starless universe, suppress her wounds, and let the blood run endlessly into a secluded ocean on a secluded planet in a lifeless reality.
She was a world, and more, layered with an enigmatic atmosphere-so pure yet so dark. She was a world I wanted to see and never leave. A gravity so strong it made my heart heavier than a thousand boulders. But her world was hidden in a space too dead to navigate.
Finally, with her soft, angelic voice, she spoke, "Well, looks like they got what they wanted." She exited the bridge as mystically as her emotionless face.
I wanted to follow her, comfort her, hold her, but I knew she wouldn't have it. She was a loner, in love with her solitude and felt just as unwanted. As much as I always wanted to, I talked to her little and still more than everyone else combined. It was for that reason that I liked to consider myself the closest person to her-which was still about a couple of galaxies over from her.
I sighed, a feeling of death as she parted my presence. "Desarus," I called, "take the helm, plot us a course back to the Elex Vehala system."
I had left the bridge to graze in my own solitude for a while in one of the cafeterias. What I didn't expect was to see her grazing down there already, but that's what happened.
Though, I do admit a small part of me had hoped I would.
I practically fell to the ground like water from a cup when I entered and saw her. I turned to leave, as much as I wanted to stay, but she stopped me.
"Wrong room?" she asked melancholy.
I turned and smiled, her reference to me like sweet ambrosia. "Wrong time," I admitted.
She snickered. "Sit down, Mr. Mc-Coy."
The name "Mr. Mc-Coy" was a running joke we had. My real name is actually Devorakk, for I'm not human. She called me "Mr. Mc-Coy" because, for one, I really enjoyed that television show Star Trek during my time on Earth before its destruction, and two, because I was the coyest person she had ever met.
I sat across the table from her, overflowing with joy that she had asked me to. She continued eating her macaroni and cheese with her expressionless face, using her hands to hold back her shoulder-length, dyed red hair. I took advantage of seeing her eating by trying to catch a look at, what I considered, that adorable little space between her two front teeth.
"So I guess it's back to square one again, eh?" she said effortlessly. She was referring to earth's destruction.
"I'm sorry, Kirsten. I know-,"
"No," she had put her hand up at me. "I don't want to hear it. I don't ever want to hear about it again."
"The Guild has approved you two weeks vacation before you begin your training," I said.
"I won't need it," she said without a second's hesitation.
"No! I don't want it."
"My father would be proud of you," I said.
"For how you're handling this. He always believed the best way to get over something was to just put it as far back in your mind as possible and pretend it never happened."
"Your father was a wise man-well, person," she said.
"I never agreed with him. I believe you should just let it out until it eventually stops. To get it all out of your system."
"Yeah, well, that's your opinion."
She got up and walked to the protein resequencer in the wall. "Kirsten," I said, "just let it out, all of this suppressing is not going to make it all just go away-,"
"No!" She slammed her cup in the resequencer. "Why," her voice began to crack, "can't you just leave it alone?" She fell to the floor against the wall. Her hand to her mouth, she began to cry.
I ran over to her and took her into my arms, she held on willingly. "Oh, Kirsten, baby, please, I'm so sorry. I never meant to." She cried into my shoulder and held tightly to my arms. I pet her head.
There are some moments in life where we tend to loose control of ourselves. Always, it's for our emotions. Emotions are like ticking time bombs waiting to go off, sadness, anger, , they all had their explosive ways of coming out. Sometimes the smallest thing can set it off. A mere glance or the uttering of a single word. When they went off, it was never the same. Sometimes you'd suddenly become so overly obsessed with something it would never leave your mind and leave you rolling uncontrollably on the floor in a desperate attempt to shake it off. Or it could simply push you into a thought or moment so deeply that our minds actually become stuck in that time leaving you with a lifeless drone to everyone else.
What was it, though, that kept setting these bombs? What were these invading symbionts that we referred to as emotions? Sometimes people wish they had no emotions. They look at it like "no emotions, no pain". No broken heart, no obsession, no guilty pleasure. But might it be that, instead of the memories making the person, the feelings make the person? What if it was truly the emotions that made a person who they were? That, indeed, emotions are the very heart of the soul, and without them, it would be impossible for us to exist.
As I held Kirsten in my arms at that moment, feeling her soft tears and the vibration of her sobs and groans on my shoulder, I realized it was a moment she had lost herself in. Like a beam of light, she passed through space and time, for just that moment, and fell into the pit of reality.
When I closed my eyes, holding her so close to me, I became lost with her. The melding of our emotions and feelings. The feeling of unity and one with her. We had become a single soul for one moment. A moment that a being made of two souls would live in forever.
The next day, I had called Kirsten to come down to the holo grid after she had rested enough in her quarters on the ship. I had hoped by now she would be feeling better after yesterday's eternity.
When she came in, I was waiting, leaning against the wall beside the integrated console.
"You called me?" she said.
I nodded, smiling. "I have something I thought you'd like to see." I turned to face the console and activated the program.
At that moment, the structured beams along the walls disappeared and we were standing in the crowded cafeteria of the high school Kirsten and I had met at back on earth. She looked around her in surprise.
"What do you think?" I asked. "I was up all night working on the program. Course, you know how I am with holographic control, so there might be a wrong course on the menu or two or three people missing."
She finally stopped looking around her and smiled at me. She walked up to me and hugged me tightly. I nearly fainted at the touch of her and very nearly didn't let go.
"I did make sure to recreate all of your friends," I said pointing over to the table she always sat at with her friends. All of them were sitting over there, including Lacey who had hated my guts.
"Thank you," she said, and surprisingly, with emotion.
"Have fun," I said quietly and then left.
Kirsten looked around her some more until her eyes focused on her friends sitting over at her old table. She stared ominously over at them for what she felt must have been days. She never walked over to them though. Instead, she approached the console, the only thing real in the program. She stood over the controls and looked over at her friends again. She smiled. She smiled a smile she hadn't smiled since her last day in that cafeteria in high school.
She found the button on the controls she wanted, but before she pushed it, she looked up once again at her friends. Her eyes went from one to the other. Finally, she pushed the button that read: Delete Program, and the cafeteria was replaced with the holo grid again. Just before she left she took a look at them in her mind she had remembered taking for real the last time she saw them and, smiling, she whispered, "Goodbye."