Life Is Short

…all things said and all things done
life is short…

I smiled, a wry sort of bittersweet type of smile. No one knew the truth of those words better than myself, having seen death of the worst variety everyday as a profession. That was not all. I sat by her side everyday for a couple hours, unable to stand that searing white of the room any longer than that. And plus, she wasn't allowed to have visitors any longer than that each day, and I thought it a horribly lonely way to while away her days, but it was the path her life had gone down, and there was no turning back. Only looking ahead and trying to make the most of her situation, though it'd take a steadfastly optimistic person to make any sort of hope out of the type of complex she'd drawn herself into.

…oh I am young but I have aged

waited long to seize the day…

Two years. I hadn't seen her outside of the mental institution in that long, and it'd felt like ten times longer since I'd gone somewhere on a date with my girlfriend, though it'd been exactly the same amount of time. And I had no one else to blame but myself. It was a day roughly two years ago–the last day she'd tasted outside food and talked to anyone outside of the institution besides me. Everyone had deserted her, and suddenly I realized how justified her cynicism actually was. It was quite a dreary sort of solitude, knowing that she was right in the end about just how cruel the human race could be.

…all things said and plenty done

oh I am young but I have a past…

It was that day two years ago–we'd been in our last year of college–when I'd somehow convinced her to go out and get a bite to eat with me. We laughed; we smiled; we kissed. We talked a bit, had a bit of beer, and headed back to the dorm. I'd put my coat away, checked the phone messages, and went in search of her, though there wasn't much room for her to disappear off to. I called her name once, twice, three times. And then a sense of panic shot through me almost as if my oxygen supply had suddenly been cut off. It was a searing pain, and I rushed into the bathroom.

…traveled far to find the start

yes I am scared and I've been burnt…

That was where I'd found her, passed out cold on the same kind of searing white tile floor. That is, except for a trail of scarlet red leading from a gash on the inside of her wrist, marring her sun-tanned skin, and staining that perfect bathroom floor. My thoughts were racing through my mind in a wild frenzy, and I did what I thought best for her at the time.

…but life is too short…

I can barely remember that phone conversation, only that she'd been admitted so she could get help for her suicidal and masochistic disposition that'd gone on for long enough than I'd wished to watch. I didn't want her to hurt herself, but what I didn't know was that by doing what I'd done, I'd hurt not only her but also myself in turn. The revelation had done so much for my self-dissatisfaction and regret. Watching her suffer in that place I'd forced her into made me want to wrench out my heart for it hurt too much and must've burned a hole through me. I hated myself.

She had dreams and hopes, and I knew she'd go far, but for the past two years, she'd been basically incarcerated, stripped of all her rights. It'd been all my doing, but I was there that day for a reason other than my daily visits. I had a reason for my smile.

…ooh could this be…

I took hold of her hand and looked into a pair of bright, blue eyes that carried with them a paradoxical sort of ingenuity. "Alina," I whispered. "I have good news for you." Her eyelashes fluttered, and she looked at me in question, as if telling me to continue, which I did. "You're coming home today."

…ooh could this be the day I've waited for…

At first, I thought she hadn't heard me, but a grin that tugged at the corners of her lips told me differently. "Did I–did I hear you correctly?"

I nodded. "Yes." And a moment passed before I continued. "I'm sorry."

Her head lowered, but she answered not a word. I feared that she blamed me, and I wanted to leave her for how bad I felt, but knowing that she had no one else, I couldn't. And then with a subtle motion, she placed her hand in mind, and I still felt like I had to protect her; she still had that flicker of innocence in her, with blonde Shirley Temple curls and a tender, young face. It was hard to believe horrible, suicidal thoughts could be running through her mind. So hard to believe, but true all the same. Yet she'd been released finally after two long years.

"Thank you," her quiet voice uttered.

"For what?"

"Sticking by me."

"You're welcome." I was aware that her hand was still placed in mine, and I closed my fingers around it, squeezing lightly.

"Life is short," I muttered, half-aware that I'd even said it. It was only a thought that ran through my mind.

"I know. Oh, I know so well."

And her sweet smile reassured me it'd all be fine.

…life is short…

Author's Note: Well, thank you guys who reviewed the last story. Um… I suppose this one's a bit more depressing? Heh. Andrea said I should post it, so go yell at her if you don't like it. Faded soulfire, that is. Anyway, erm, the song in here was "Life Is Short" by Butterfly Boucher, which I don't own. I wrote this story on the plane while everyone was sleeping, so sorry if it's bad. Yeah, the only paper I had were those menu things they give you. Heh, I used up one side of a menu in writing this. TEENY writing. Anyway, thanks!

Special thanks to: [I'm still in the habit of doing replies, and I know one story doesn't pertain to the next, but oh well.]

Perfectly-Insane33: Ahh, you're my first reviewer. Aren't you special? Anyway, thanks!

Faded Soulfire: Yeah, I might expand on one of these one day. Heh. Glad you liked the flashbacks. Thanks! [and for the talk today]

gigigirl281: Yes, I did make some changes to that. Haha, I'm one of the most talented and awesome writers you know? you're disillusioned, child. Anyway, thanks!

Walking Contradiction: Hehe, thank you for your flattery! Erm… thank you. I said that already. Alright, I'll leave. Heh.

Selective Inspiration: Ashley! Okay, so you might not even be reading this, but oh well. God, thanks for the flattery. You're awesome!

Teea: Heh, nope, there's no more of the previous story. Thanks!

Your Chica: SAM! PREGNANT LADY! … er… um. Anyway. Heh, thank you for your "uber" compliment.

sui generis thrice: Okay, so you probably aren't reading this, since you have better things to do, but oh well. Didn't you have a different pen name? Like V.B. Wade or something? Right. Thank you so much! I feel so special, cuz you're such a wonderful writer [okay, I'm judging upon reviews] and all these awesome writers have reviewed your stuff.

NehemiaH: AHH! It's NEHEMIAH! You're like the awesomest writer ever, and I'm all embarassed that you read this piece of junk! AHH! [is so ecstatic] Okay, now you're probably looking at the computer strange, but I assure you, I haven't lost my memory. I know you've reviewed my stuff. I know you're Julie. LOL. I'm just adding in my ecstatic-ness because I'm always SO creeped out that you r/r my stuff and you're so nice and I felt the need to throw that in. Anyway, glad you're not gonna maul me anymore. thanks!

raine0211: Heh, thank you so much for the compliments. erm… thanks. Yes. [I'm all out of stuff.]

Differentlyhappy: Glad you liked the memories in it. Thanks.

Laur1532: Heh, glad you like short stories. Thank you so much!

DisasterousLetdown: Thank you. I'm glad you liked the story. I like your pen name. It reminds me of Kelly Clarkson ["Beautiful Distaster"] and Switchfoot ["Beautiful Letdown"]. Heh.

Cutie Eskimo: Hey! Thanks! Glad you thought it was sweet. [and finally you've quit apologizing for late reviews. thank gosh. lol.]

BrokenIce: KATELYN! Lol. Glad you liked it. And you really don't have to thank me, because I need reviewers so I could make my debut. hehe. Thanks!

-julia- July 15, 2004