The Ins and Outs of Intercourse! – Chapter 2: Peeling back the layers.

Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse, how I love the way your very mention causes my mother to recoil in horror. How I love the way your sound rolls off the tongue easily, as easily as swearing profusely after kicking a medicine ball in the presence of a priest. Welcome to the second chapter of 'The Ins and Outs of Intercourse'! Last chapter we focused on your physical health, attempted to find out what sex was, and looked into contraception. This chapter we will be focusing on the emotional and practical side of your first time. Sex for the first time, whether it be the first time ever or the first time with a partner, is a big thing - especially for teenagers. The implications, questions, and fears keep on coming like a possessed boomerang looking for a head to give a severe concussion to. I'm going to try and fend off that boomerang for you and give it a damn good ass whipping, so get prepared, ladies and gents, take refuge in the evil boomerang of certain death shelter and help yourself to some (free) pies. We're going for a ride.

Penis!

…

CONDOM.

…..

….vagina.

SEX!

Are you ready for sex? If you laughed reading any of those words up there, can't say those words, or can't say them without laughing, chances are you aren't. With sex comes responsibly and responsibility requires a certain amount of maturity. Every day there are people having sex for the wrong reasons and everyday there are more people regretting and living with the consequences of that decision. Now, even if you aren't contemplating have sex for the first time you should keep these questions in mind for later reference:

Do you want to have sex?
If so, why?
How do you see you and your partner in the future?
Do they respect you?
How do you see yourself?
How do you see your partner?
Do you know the possible consequences?
How will you prevent these?
How do you feel about your partner?
How does your partner feel about you?
Are you under any pressure to have sex?
Are you able to honestly communicate with your partner?

You should consider those questions, think about them unflinchingly, and any doubts they surface you should discuss, preferably with your partner.

Now, you know you're a sexy beast, you know if you wiggle that ass of yours the gravitational pull will no longer be at the core of the earth. But your ass is not a weapon:

- Do not use it to get revenge and or hurt someone: not only does this compromise your integrity, but it will end up hurting you more than the one you sought to cause pain to. Why? Because how does revenge, or the desire to hurt someone, make you look like a desirable person to be with, to love, and to care for?

- Do not use it to make someone love you: you cannot make someone love you by giving your body to them. Any relationship built on physical needs is nothing but a prolonged booty call. This can end up making you feel used and therefore unhappy and insecure. Remember: there is a world full of people out there who will be able and want to love you for the person you are, and not for just your tango.

- Do not use it to prove something: this is a very shallow reason. My friend recently went out with a guy who wanted to get laid before his upcoming 17th birthday. Not only is this a blatant display of insecurity, but it also piles on immense amounts of pressure on their partner and also shows a disgusting amount of disregard for their feelings. Sex is not a competition, and you must always be aware and respect the feelings of your partner.

- Do not use it to make yourself feel better: it just won't work; sex is not a permanent solution to emotional problems. For once the feeling it inflicts wears off, your state may worsen and make you feel used.

My point: keep the safety on that booty. Sex for the wrong reasons is dangerous to your mental health and can result in trust, self esteem, confidence and security problems hard to fix. People have sex for different reasons, some for purely physical pleasure, some use it as a drug to make them feel temporarily better, and some use it to heighten their relationship. But it must always be realised and respected that sex always leaves you immensely vulnerable to heartbreak and pain, so be sure and be careful.

Another point I'd like to address is this "Age of Consent" bullshit. Naive governments, what are you on? Teenagers are the most rebellious, horny, freedom seeking hooligans you will ever find to disgrace this earth, and you are trying to restrict their sexual activity by saying "no naughties 'til ::insert age here:: Mr/Missy!"? It's laughable! It's like putting a mountain of freshly printed money in front of Bill Gates, telling him not to roll in it, and then leaving the room.

There are a lot of myths concerning sex. For example, I was talking to my friend, and he was talking about this wives tale about how if you masturbate (too much) you'll get really hairy…or at least something along those lines. …No, the conversation was not in the context of my own masturbation habits. Oh so swiftly moving on, let's address some of these myths, shall we?

Can a girl get pregnant by swallowing sperm?

This is, by far, the most hilarious myth I have ever come across, though amazingly enough it is a tragically common question. So you're giving a blowjob, and your subject decides to "reward" you with some of the good stuff and you swallow. See as far as I know, your stomach is not your fallopian tubes, and is not your uterus. Nor does it lead to the previously mentioned locations, so we're in the clear.

Can a girl get pregnant having dry sex?

Dry sex is when some serious rubbing is going on, enough to cause stimulation etc. but with a certain amount of material covering the participating body parts (I should go into business with euphemisms, I'm just that good). Yes, you can get pregnant. It is very rare, but if the guy cums and somehow it finds its way into your vagina, it is a possibility. So it's good to be aware of the risk and act to ensure there will be no consequences evolving from your actions.

Is it bad to masturbate and does it cause any bad side effects?

I thought I'd just slip this subject in here because masturbation seems to be a very taboo subject and act, unnecessarily so. Masturbation is not bad, it's a really good way to explore your body, get to know it and…love it ;). It releases endorphins so it makes you feel all happy inside (excuse the pun), and also sexual tension. No bad can come of masturbation, although, if you begin to feel sore down there maybe you should give it a break for a while. We don't want to break or exhaust your favourite toy, do we now?

Is a girl still a virgin if they use a tampon?

This one's a beauty. Yes, a girl is still a virgin. You're a virgin if you have not had sex. Presumably this myth revolves around the hymen; the hymen is a piece of tissue which partially covers the vagina's orifice. Often people believe that if your hymen is broken or torn, you are not a virgin. However, when a penis enters the vagina the hymen is like a scrunchie; it stretches to accommodate the penis' (heavenly) presence. In some countries a man checks to see if there is blood on the sheets after intercourse for the first time with his supposedly virgin wife. Blood, they believe, indicates a woman was indeed a virgin, for her hymen had been intact. There have been cases where blood had not been found and the woman was stoned to death. Blood can occur on a woman's first time, and slight pain, but it is different for everyone. In fact, pain and or tearing of the hymen usually occurs when a guy hasn't gotten the woman ready enough or wet enough (if at all), to put it as uncatholically as possible. Also, it's good to note that hymens can be broken doing activities such as gymnastics.

Are you still a virgin if you masturbate?

Yes, only if the vagina has encountered the penis, or the penis encountered the vagina, is one not a virgin. - Only I can make sex sound like an alien experience.

Does size matter?

Sex really is more than insertion; it's also the build up. If you have the intention of inflicting pleasure of a thoroughly moan-some degree on you partner, you'll work hard in both the before and during times of sex. Often, how well you do before the actual insertion, the build up, decides how good the next stage is going to be. So remember: just because a banana is big doesn't mean it tastes good – if you get my euphemistic drift ;).

Can a woman get pregnant if they have sex during their period?

Yes.

Does sex hurt for the first time? (Girls).

Some people say it did, some say it didn't. It really does depend on your body and your state of mind. If you are tense and awkward it may hurt, so you should really try to relax – this also applies to second times and third times etc. As I previously said, lack of wetness or lubrication at insertion can cause pain. So make sure your body is ready, have some torturous fun before he takes the plunge.

Sex should be fun! It should be all like, "oh! Let's have sex!" and, "yes! Let's!" both partners should go into it wanting to please the other, aiming to make the experience worthwhile and not "just another night". And you know what the best thing about sex is? You get to experiment. And when I say experiment, lord do I mean EXPERIMENT! Haha, hmm. Well this has quickly turned into dodgiest conclusion of the century. But my point is, sex isn't about worry and stress, it's about sharing, pleasure and fun. If it isn't going to be about the latter qualities, and the subject for you involves more of the former, then maybe you should consider waiting until you're a little more relaxed about the whole situation. The person you are considering having sex with should respect your decision, and if they don't, then they suck and you don't need them. So, having said that…

No Rubba, no Hubba Hubba! – The new campaign, directed at teenagers, promoting safe sex with condoms. Could New Zealand get any lamer? No, no I would think not. I personally prefer the phrase: "if you can't wrap it, go home and whack it."

Nervous Neutron pointed out in a review that the word 'coitus', when typed into , defines sex quite nicely: Sexual union between a male and a female involving insertion of the penis into the vagina.

On this note, I'd like to thank all reviewers; you guys rock all four shiznas.

Disclaimer: I am neither encouraging nor discouraging sex in this thing, my only aim is to shed a little light and hopefully help out a little, the last thing we need is ignorance. And yes, I know the title is very…dodgy…but seriously, could you have resisted? I sure as hell know I couldn't.

Questions: If you have any questions at all don't hesitate to ask me in a review or email, I'm always willing to do some research and help out (especially so since it's summer holidays). If there is anything you would like me to address in my next chapter, just make it known (by either email or review) and I'll see what I can do. I will know if you are shitting me, heh.

Random note: I am not a man. And believe me, my life does not revolve around sex essays. Though sometimes I think it would be cool if it did.