47The Ins and Outs of Intercourse! – Chapter 3: Choosing the Sexual Pie
So what pie do you have your finger in? Maybe you're like the dude on American Pie who just went and plunged himself into the apple. Or maybe you are part of a population who have doubts; so you don't plunge, you think, and you question, and you wait and search for the answer. Sexuality is a big thing; for the majority, sexual questioning is isolated to their teenage years, but for others it can haunt them throughout their life, whether that be because of reluctance to accept, or just ignorance. In this essay, homosexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality will be addressed. Information will be issued, AND YOU WILL DO THE HOMEWORK, DAMNIT! smack.
Sexual orientation can vary and sway in a person's lifetime. In practically every teenager there is a time in which they question their orientation. Often people can go through phases of different sexual identities, dabbling with lesbianism for a few years and then deciding to give guys a try. A poll of 900 bisexuals showed that 1/3 once identified as either gay men or lesbian, showing that sexual orientation can be a journey; there can be phases on the way to true sexual discovery. But either way, differences need to be recognised and accepted – it is a part of human nature, and that is why the search for a person's sexual identity should not be inhibited by labels, or stigmas. The reason why homosexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality are the only orientations directly addressed in this piece is because they are the main minorities. However, if there are other sexualities out there you feel I should also address, just drop me a line by email or in a review, and I'll see what I can do to add it in to the essay. That's right people, I'm as flexible as a naked ballet dancer, so have no hesitation.
Homosexuality: has there been a car crash in these undies? Because I see skids…
Oh the controversy, yummy for my tummy. During my research (yes, I research, although this may shock you, I don't know everything…) in Google, I almost gave up hope of finding a homosexuality site which wasn't in the name of Christianity. For some reason, the religion seems to be fascinated, one could almost say obsessed, with this particular sexual orientation. You have to wonder why. Could it be that all Christians are secretly gay? Or, dare I say it, that the Bible read backwards tells tales of prominent biblical figures' dabbles in same sex shenanigans? No doubt a few of you are crying out, "SACRILEGE! YOU EVIL, DIRTY, AMOROUS GIRL!" and to that I say, indeed. But, most probably (I say that because I quite like the backwards theory) it's because of an ignorance and intolerance which plagues a large portion (note: just because someone is Christian or Islamic, for example, doesn't automatically mean they are against homosexuality) of the religious world. And not just the religious world, there are people out there who purely hate difference; because let's be honest, it is not a majority orientation, it is different. Homosexuality cops a lot of shit; it fronts the ulterior sexual orientation movement. What's interesting is that it used to be quite common and accepted back in the days of pre Jesus, the good ol' days where genitalia was an obsession and so was war. You know - man stuff. Of course now there's the whole, "hey look, he's wearing a pink shirt, he's gotta be gay, hehe." Which is an entirely ridiculous stereotype, but you try telling a boy who just got his first pubic hair that. What has to be realised is that if someone is against homosexuality – that is their opinion and it should be respected; having said that, it is their problem if they are against it to the point where they discriminate. Homosexuality is not a disease, it is not something you catch, and what many have yet to realise is that it is not something to be fixed. A homosexual can stop having sexual relations, but they are who they are; they cannot change their orientation, like some religious groups claim is possible.
There have been many attempts by scientists to explain homosexuality, the sexual attraction to the same sex. Psychiatric theories of causes in men include: over protective mother and absent father; an expression of nonsexual issues, such as fear of adult responsibility; triggered by past experiences, such as sexual relationships with someone of the same sex at a young age which brought "great satisfaction" (the wording in the article I read made me giggle). Psychiatric theories of causes in women include: disappointing straight love experience; father which displays distaste in men and an interest in their daughter; memories of past abusive relationships with men. More research has gone into possible biological causes of homosexuality in males, probably because of the greater stigma which is attached to gay men. Homosexual behaviour has been related to brain functioning, as the hypothalamus in gay men is a quarter to half the size as that of straight men; some researchers have contended that it could be caused by disruptions in the hormonal processes of the mother during her pregnancy. Most theorists believe though that homosexual orientation tends to arise early in age. The general stat is that 10 of the population is homosexual, though who knows how accurate that number is with all these "in the closet" folks around. It's also said that homosexuality is more common in males than in females. Everyone goes through the whole, "hmm, am I gay?" phase, it's extremely normal. I remember mine; it's actually quite funny looking back on it. I was brought up under a fundamentalist Catholic mother, and so of course I was quite innocent and quite curious because she kept me in the dark about a lot of relevant things. I had also been brought up to think lesbianism was bad. Anyway, I had this weird curiosity with breasts. I don't know why, they just completely intrigued me and I wanted to see as many as I could. Of course this led to me thinking I might be a lesbian. Come to think of it, I'm still quite obsessed with breasts, but I know I'm not a lesbian. Yes, a few lesbian encounters, but I think my interests are firmly rooted in the male. Now if I, person who gets lost on a regular basis, can emerge from the tunnel of numerous pies with a single pie in hand, then certainly it is a doable task.
Bisexuality: I'll take you, and you…
This is such a fun orientation, because I agree, it most certainly is the best of both worlds. The only crime bisexuals should be charged with is putting their fingers in more than one pie. For those of you who don't know, to be bisexual, is to be attracted to, and engage in sexual/sensual activity with, both sexes. The main problem with bisexuality is the invisibility effect. The technical people call it "biphobia" but I reckon "invisibility effect" is much catchier, kind of like getting a chic to wash a car in a car ad instead of a machine. The invisibility effect is generally caused by the viewpoint that one is either heterosexual or homosexual, and that anyone in between has to make up their mind, disregarding the fact that bisexuality may be a sexual identity in itself. It is a sexual identity in itself. It can be a phase, but for many, it is a long term sexual orientation. In fact, Alfred Kinsey said that the majority of people appear to be somewhat bisexual, but one sex is preferred. To make the bisexual culture more visible and known, a guy called Michael Page designed a bisexual pride flag – it has a pink/red stripe on the top to represent homosexuality, a blue stripe on the bottom to represent heterosexuality, and then a purple stripe between the two to represent bisexuals, the combination. Some of those in the homosexual community see them as cop outs, as too afraid to admit they are actually homosexual. In fact there is a phrase of "bi now, gay later", which shows the flippancy which can be shown to the orientation. Combine this with the discrimination which can come with being homosexual, and it can prove to be a difficult sexuality to come to with. But look on the bright side – check out all that pie…
There has been a development: in the Bible there are some scholars which say that David and Jonathan were actually in a homosexual relationship with each other. I can't wait to tell my ma. It is quite obscure though, especially so because of the translation and the habit of the Bible to apply euphemisms to sexual relationships. I think the most revealing piece of evidence is when Saul accuses Jonathan of "exposing the nakedness of his mother" with David. In the Bible, the nakedness of one's parents is often a metaphor for a sexual relationship. Don't ask me why…
Asexuality: you know you're asexual when you see Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch and think, "Hmm…that subway grate looks unstable…"
One of the more obscure minority sexualities, though no doubt awareness of it will grow as the years go on and the A-pride movement gains speed. This orientation is, at least to me, quite complex. Basically, to narrow it down and to generalise terribly, it's when someone has no interest in having sex. There are a lot of different factors within that – being asexual doesn't mean you don't seek relationships, intimacy, and companionship any less than the other person; though some asexuals do prefer their own company. Many of them seek and like intimacy, experience attraction to different degrees, but they just don't desire to enact the expression of that – sex. I went to , and went to the page "Am I Asexual?", and it broke asexuality up into three factors: attraction, arousal, and relationships. I've already addressed relationships and attraction briefly above, so here comes the arousal: they experience it to different degrees. For some, it occurs regularly, though it doesn't have anything to do with wanting another. For others, arousal is a pain in the ass. Some masturbate, but harbour no desire for a partner to help bring "great satisfaction". And then, there are some asexuals which experience little or no arousal – they don't see this as a problem, and go on with their life without seeking help to rev the engine. In August 2004 a researcher in human sexuality released some tentative figures concerning asexuality in society, figures which suggested that there are as many asexual individuals as there are homosexual. In fact, asexuality isn't at all uncommon in mammals, as research into rams has shown (don't laugh, I'm serious. I…promise).
One of the hardest concepts about asexuality is actually convincing people of the identity. Some are accused of being "late bloomers", or having a "problem" – the same issues which can come with announcing one is homosexual or bisexual – when really it is, to whichever extent, an identity, though one which is less in your face. Probably due to the fact that in a world obsessed with sex, in a world where every second advertisement has some sexual connotation, asexuality can seem foreign, even impossible, to imagine – a life without the desire for sex. The founder of AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) formulated a classification system which outlines 4 types of asexuality: type A – sex drive without romantic attraction; type B – romantic attraction with no sex drive; type C – both; type D – neither. Though now AVEN no longer uses this system because it's too exclusive, so who knows. I'm bloody confused. Are you supposed to say that in essays? I don't think you are. Moving along, there is some debate as to whether or not asexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation, saying that the condition could best be classified under hypoactive sexual disorder or sexual aversion disorder. Also, people who question its legitimacy say the condition could be caused by past sexual abuse, sexual repression (like, for instance, repressing homosexual inclinations), hormonal problems, delayed development of attraction, or even not having meet the right person. But, those who identify as asexual say that the orientation doesn't cause them distress and therefore should not be classified as a disorder, and also that similar things were said about homosexuality - and look at it now. I think the most important thing to do, if you're thinking you may be asexual or you know someone who claims to be, is to be open and accepting. No one needs a label to be who they are, so whether people say asexuality is legit or not, all that matters is that you are sure of who you are. And if you think that describing your sexuality as asexual feels right, then go for it.
Ultimately, you have to cut through the obstacles: religious beliefs, bias, propaganda, and ignorance. Happiness is not achieved if you don't accept who you are. Note the "you" in that statement. You are never going to be satisfied if you wake up every day with a resolve to adhere to the rules and views of others, ones which go against your nature and inclinations. It's like a rip; to fight against its current would mean to drown, but to go with its flow, to wait until it takes you to a place where the water is less aggressive, would mean survival. Well, at least that's what the hot lifeguard in my head told me…
He's brunette and uber hot, if you're wondering.
Credits: I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and gave me their feedback; it was really awesome to know I was getting something across, and that some actually liked my attempt at education. I'd like to thank two people in particular, I won't say their names, but they know who they are. Thank you for your suggestions and openness - this chapter actually would not have been written without you guys.
Masturbation: I looked it up, and frequent/regular masturbation does not cause desensitisation of the clitoris. In fact, it helps increase clitoral sensations, improving the quality of orgasms. So have no worries.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. I'm here to inform and to advise, not order or advertise – your wellbeing is in my best interests. To the Christians out there who may be wanting to sic Satan on me right now, I'm a Christian too; so go touch a cross, and get back to me.
Thanks for reading! Feedback is, as per usual, welcome as free pie.