1From The Gospel of Melanie …
Author's Note:
This is a story that I wrote ages ago. As In a year ago.
I wrote it just after having read 'Georgia Nicholson'. Such a great book! Anyways. Just thought I'd publish it hear now, when I published it on I got this horrible review, so I locked it away.
I don't like it very much, but we'll see…
(Don't mind the first 'diary entry' she's in a really pissed off mood!)
From The Gospel of Melanie …
1st January
Dear Diary,
Diary. What does that mean?
I have started so many in my life it just doesn't mean anything anymore. Why do you have to say 'dear'. You see I am in a very controversial mood right now. I was up till all night last night and it was sickening.
Parents hugging and kissing their friends. Kissing! I ask you, does a normal child have parents that celebrate the New Year that way? Like, the way I see it, the New Year isn't anything to be excited about. Humans created days, and hours and months and stuff. So in the real world (the one the God made) it doesn't mean anything. It's just another day. (Or one of the sun up and down things).
Besides, how did we get 365 days? I mean, why not ten? Or 500? Sheesh. I'll bet the guy (I just know they were male) was watching the telly when he wrote the law to time and because his lotto numbers didn't come up he decided to punish the whole world by making it 356 so we all had to wait ages for Christmas. Selfishness must have come naturally to people of the Stone Age. Or whatever.
Or (this is the mood I'm in now speaking) the entire male race must be selfish. I have been on my fair share of dates and they all (most) consisted of the other gender watching an action movie like a religious person reads the Bible or talking basically about football or cricket like it was written IN the Bible. It was incredibly boring.
There, I have written a sufficient starting entry for a diary. Well, apart from the fact I haven't put in a name or a place. But as I see it, (people have told me I am a very opinioned person, whatever that means) it doesn't matter if I put in my name or anything; no one is going to read it anyway. I must be grumpy from lack of sleep.
2nd January
Dearest Diary, The mood has been dispelled of.
I am perfectly normal. Not that I am ever un-normal, it just happens to be one of the words of our time. Whether something is 'normal' or not. Am I confusing you? I tend to do that sometimes.
I go for walks. When ever I am bored I walk. So basically, my entire life is made up of going for walks. Mum says that only boring people get bored, but think about it. It is not a persons fault if they have nothing to do. It could be thought of as a good thing. Why? Because the person could be so amazingly interesting that nothing 'normal' interests them. See my point of view? Don't worry if you don't, not many people do.
I have just been for a walk. I walked around the park and up the street again. It was quite eventful. My best friend (how is it that 'friend' and 'fiend' are spell so similarly?) Zoe was at the park with her little brothers. There are like ten people in her family. Actually, there is only six. Six children I mean. Her parents are divorced. Mum lives in LA and Dad lives here. Here, is where I live. But I really don't need to tell you dear diary because you are a boring exercise book and no one apart from me will read you anyway.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways. While I was on this walk, which, may I add, was incredibly hot, I met Zoe and three of her little brothers. It is weird I think, that her parents had six children and no twins or triplets. That would make Zoe's family rather interesting. But what makes her family quite revolting is the fact that her parents did what is required to have children six times UNPROTECTED. Quite disgusting.
Ah well. Back to my walk, I get quite pre-occupied sometimes, I met Zoe and her herd of siblings at the park and one minor (who is called Sam) had fallen off the monkey bars due to the fact that he had forgotten that one is required to stay under the monkey bars to enjoy the full force of delight that can be obtained.
He was writhing and squealing on the ground, which is actually dirt. Zoe was still engrossed in ChickFlick (the best mag around). So all her other (two) brothers were jumping around and yelling 'Sam is dying! Can I have your cricket cards?' Being the Good Samaritan I am, I hurried over (after having a squiz at ChickFlick) and helped him to his feet, which were revoltingly gross. His major injury was an incredibly deep wound that was immediately discovered to be a graze.
I whipped out a tissue (which hadn't been used much) and proceeded to operate. And sent him home with Patrick, another brother.
I sat with Zoe awhile and she talked about Adam (this guy she is infatuated with and who works at the Garage on Main Street, and has 'bedroom eyes and a voice that melts chocolate') Urgh. And I thought about Mike (Zoe's big brother who has bedroom eyes and a voice that melts chocolate). I have loved Mike since I was four and and he was seven. He was a very striking seven-year-old and an extremely hot seventeen-year-old.
After 'our' chat about Adam I headed home taking the copy of ChickFlick with me. Because my parents are so stingy, I only get limited amounts of pocket money. Zoe gets less still, but can still afford to buy ChickFlick. I think some unknown force is at work here... So that was my day so far, it is three o'clock in the afternoon. We have a sleepover every six weeks and our next is on the fourteenth. 'We' is Zoe, Carmel, Jan, Tish, Sofie and I. I is me. I do have a name. It is a revoltingly gross name that my parents must've chosen because Mum was still on Happy Gas and Dad was stoned. I don't exactly know what happened. But this is what I think happened:
SET: HOSPITAL CAST: MUM (in bed with gorgeous baby), DAD (on chair with no gorgeous baby) and DOCTOR (standing around)
MUM: hic, Aint she just the sweetes' lil fing hic, you ever seen Rob? DAD: Yeah, she be one o them, Kylie. MUM: What, hic hic, shall we call 'er? 'Ow bout Melanie? DAD: Yeah, alright, whatever you wanna love. She's your kid. MUM: Yes! She's my kid an' don' you go forgettin' fat! DAD: Yeah, fat.
END OF SCENE What did you think? Pretty realistic? I thought so. I'm going to walk Chester (the dog) now, coz I'm bored again.
9th January
Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaar Diary, I am in love. It is quite amazing, as I obviously have never been in love owing to the severe lack of male gorgeousness in my neighbourhood. I have been in lust with Mike all my important life, but my feelings have jet- setted to love in a matter of hours. This is what happened:
I was walking along the street with Sofie (lives next door) and we saw Mike. Actually Sofie saw him and I just goggled like a goggle person on goggle tablets. This was because he did not have a shirt on. I repeat, did NOT have a shirt on. His incredibly sexy chest was just beckoning to me, yes; I know that sounds absolutely revolting but its true. When you are in love, dear exercise book, you will understand.
Aaaaaaaaaaaanyways, he was standing there and I was standing there and he says, GET THIS! 'Hey Mel, great top.'
OOOOHHHHHHHMMMMYYYGGGGGOOOOOOODDDDDDD!
Then I (with great presence of mind) ran screaming down the street leaving Sofie. It was amazing, I have such class. So that, Diary, is what happened this morning. Now I am on the sofa, which is very old and patched, and reading ChickFlick. It says here: 29% of guys believe their hearts beat faster when they receive a text message.
I really must get a phone.
Ciao
15th January
Hello, I have just come back from Tish's place, where we had our sleepover. It was quite, good. Sleepovers always are.
What happened was: I got to Tish's house at around sixish. She lives in this HUGE house, it is more like a mansion, across town. So Mum dropped me off and I went inside to be greeted by the maid. The MAID. And was told 'Miss Litisha is in her room' so up I went. I was exhausted after having to hike up all those stairs, when I probably should've taken the lift. Ha ha.
So I went into Tish's bedroom which is like the size of my house and met everyone there already. They were all reading various editions of ChickFlick, because Tish has a subscription, and talking about boys. That is all we ever seem to talk about these days. Not that I have a problem with talking about Mike, it's just that I never do. Talk about him I mean. Zoe talks about Adam with his bedroom eyes.
Jan talks about Martin, who goes to the local private school and is like the best cricket player in the country. Jan and he have had this thing since they first met. Which was when he was making out with this other girl called Candace at a dance and Jan ran into the closet thinking it was a bathroom and promptly tripped over a mop and sent Candace and Martin sprawling into a closet full of sponges. From then on it was lip-locker for Jan and Martin.
Carmel goes out with someone called Zack. Zack is in a band which plays rubbish. The members of his band are so totally focused on their 'music', they don't realise that the lyrics, tune or melody are not musical. Their performances consist of violent head banging and the moves of an air guitar player with a guitar. Hmmmmm.
Sofie is infatuated with a guy in grade eleven called Daniel, except he is Swiss so he is called Daaaaaaaaarniel. He is tall, blonde and is infatuated with Kylie Minogue and Sofie. She and Daaaarniel have gone the furtherest of any of us. Beyond making out I mean. She says that Swiss boys are much better kisses then our schmoes, although I do think Mike might be quite OK...
Tish is not sure whether she is bi-sexual or not. She finds girl's attractive but guys hot. I do not understand either. She has had a girlfriend once but found out this girl was just a fake. She had this HUGE relationship with Zack's friend Justin but it fizzled when she caught him with another MAN. That is probably what sent her to becoming a lesbian.
A/N: What did you think? Could you please review so I can know if I should add the other chapters? There are about three more that I have already written. Thanks!
By the way … is this chapter too long? I thought so.