5My throat closes up and it's hard to breathe.
These are also the symptoms of love,
And that's what frightens me the most.
Do you understand that?
That maybe I'm not ready for you?
That I might not feel the way you do?
And you've told your parents,
And I've told my dad.
And they think it's funny.
But it isn't funny, not to me!
The thought that someone's waiting -
For me -
Scares me senseless.
How in English you would look at me
And I would look back.
I didn't know what you were thinking,
But I do now.
Those poems you wrote - a little odd,
But now I understand.
Do you like me because of me?
Because you never talk to me.
Maybe I'm just the most accessible,
The least likely to turn you away?
Is that's what's behind it all?
Sure, we e-mail now,
But when it first began, we never spoke.
I was flattered at your interest,
Even if you were socially challenged.
But I'm not one to hold that against you,
After all, three years ago I WAS you, almost at least.
I don't want to break your heart again,
But I just might have to.
Because I don't know if you're right for me,
Or if it's just the pressure of parents,
The flattered ego,
The raging hormones.
And I don't yet know
If I want you to be MY "B".