The City Lights

I would like to start this piece off my introducing it. This is not a normal piece of writing I'm afraid. It is a piece of original writing I have to do for school work and I decided to write it a month or so early so I could get feedback from reviewers out there, so I can improve it by the time I get back to school. Please review it and perhaps give me some pointers, I really need a good grade this time! Thank you so much for your time.

Mimi xxx

You can tell when it is night time in London; the sky and the river mimic each other. If the sky is a dark blue, the river is a dark blue too. If the sky has stars and a moon in it, the river wants them too. The river is the one that copies the sky, you can tell this because the river only gives a fuzzy picture. The sky on the other hand is a crisp and perfect picture.

The city was far from still on this night; all you can hear is angry car horns and lively dance music, from afar you can see the lights quilting the city. It doesn't seem as spectacular once you are actually in the city, too much pollution, and too much noise pollution. There is one area that is peaceful and still, far away from the middle of the city. The city's mall, it is closed at night time, so it is quiet; only the sounds of air vents and the burglar alarm's beeping.

She walked along, her pumps squeaking against the modern, shiny flooring. Marks and Spencer, Laura Ashley, New Look, HMV, the smoothie shop, she read the names as she walked past them. She stopped, she gazed inside the window of the new shop, the one she hadn't seen before. She stared for a good three minutes until her own reflection in the glass caught her eye, she looked at her reflection, she now saw what others did, she had never studied her face in detail before. She imagined herself as a beautiful girl, one that the boys enjoyed looking at. She wanted more than anything to be accepted into her school group, she wanted blonde hair, blue eyes, and a thin figure. None of which would ever happen unless she put a lot of money into it, and that is just what she didn't have.

Her face was changing shape, in the glass she was watching her whole identity being changed. Her blonde hair came, her blue eyes came, her thin figure was there too; she looked down and was disappointed to see that it must have been her imagination. She looked in the glass again, it wasn't her imagination, she definitely was blonde, blue eyed, and thin. Did she like it? She did, more than anything. Would other people like it? Yes, she would finally be accepted. She glanced again at herself in the new shop window, people were crowding behind her, and she recognised them, their faces. It was the people from school, the ones who tortured and bullied her, the ones that called her fat, ugly. They were looking at her new person in disgust, they didn't like it. She realised that nothing she could do would make them stop hurting her. It wasn't her looks that triggered being bullied; it was her being the new girl. The new girl meant she was the latest victim. The new shop showed the new girl not being able to change.

'There is nothing I can do.' She whispered to herself.

The city lights were loud enough. The London people were busy with their lives, road rage, clubbing. No body thought about the girl. The new girl. The new girl lying outside the new shop.

Thank you for taking the time to read my short original writing piece. It would really help me out if I got some general feedback on it. Thanks again.

Mimi xxx