Don't you feel sometimes there are too many plans for one lifetime? For me there are, and most of them are kind of impossible.

The other day I was daydreaming about going to New Zealand, and then going to college (New York, please), and maybe assisting to a concert of Matchbox Twenty or Lifehouse, and working at the UN, and getting something published and maybe I could also-

"Study math?" My mother interrupts the story of my life "Because you're not going too well, and I won't pay another exam if you fail this one, because you know they are not free, right? I was thinking you should get a job because I blah blah and your father blah blah blah ask your sister! We here I lost it…"

It's hard not to loose it when , in the first place, not many people believe in your capability of reaching this goals. I know many people who won't even try because they don't believe in themselves. It's easy to discourage others when we are too weak to follow our own dreams.

Someone told me "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed". That's not enough argument for me, I prefer being disappointed after expecting than feeling mediocre after not expecting. Without the disappointments that I have lived until now I really believe I would be a totally different person (I say it like in sixteen years I could gather all the possible disappointments in life ha!).

And I fear not the disappointment, but what people may say about it, the way they won't say anything but will be thinking "I told you this would happen".

Yesterday you told me why I named myself Buffy Mortensen. Was I too loser as to give my real name? Maybe. Maybe I'm not ready to hear what people have to say about me or my writing. "If you can't annoy somebody , there's little point in writing"? I don't know… But here I am! Writing one more chapter anyway….

And I hope I'll go to New Zealand, and I hope I can go to a college in New York City, and get to see Matchbox 20 (and sexy sexy Rob Thomas). I hope I can work at the UN and maybe get something published….And so many other things…

But as the song say "Little minds let little games burn big old dreams with little flames". There will always be a friend saying this is too big for you, a teacher saying you ask for the impossible, or a mother saying you have to work (hard, by the way). Like we didn't know that. So please, don't be any of the mentioned above for anyone, because you will only be absolutely annoying .

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.