Being lonely burns. Did anyone ever tell you that?
God, you're beautiful. The way your eyes are shaped like they are, the corners, sharp. Like they could cut glass. And the ends of your lips just the same... Is everything about you so sharp, so precise? Would it hurt to touch you? I doubt it. No one else seems to mind, especially her. She loves to touch you. All the time.
But back to my point. Loneliness. Have you ever been lonely? Ha... No I suppose not. You're never without people. You know, I've heard that you can have everyone in the world crowded around you and still feel lonely. But that's not the kind of alone I'm talking about. I'm talking about the kind that you feel in the pit of your stomach. And it swirls. And you reach out in the dark for something, someone, anything. And you come up with nothing. And you want to scream.-
...I don't suppose you've ever felt like that have you?
Because you have her. Oh, she's good enough, I guess, for some. For you? No one's good enough for you, honey. Not really. Not her. Not even me. Ha... No, never me. But she... well, she looks nice. I suppose she smells nice too. Like summer rain or... or tiger lilies. But I can't imagine her smelling anything like you. Once I got close enough to take in that scent, yours. You passed by me and I happened to breathe in, you see. It wasn't deliberate. At all.
You smell like incense. And power. What does power smell like? Ah, a scent I know very well. It's all I have when I sit here alone.
Power smells of salt, of darkness and crisp snow and leather and death and absolute... Like... like green lightning.
I wonder if she knows all about you smelling of power. Do you think that's what turns her on when she looks at you? Or is it merely your hands on her body, your strong jaw, your cold fingertips...? Physical attraction... I wouldn't know. It had always been your scent that made me crazy... Maybe she doesn't even know what you smell like, maybe she hasn't given the matter much thought. That, to me, is very sad because how can you not know what your lover smells like? Well... how can you not?! Can you really spend so much time, so much time, so close to someone and never, never breathe them?! Can you?! Is it all just physical?! Is that possible?! Does it really feel that good?!
...Have you ever seen green lightning? No? It's an amazing sight, really... Breath-taking. Destructive. Like you.
Do you know why it turns green, because normal lightning isn't green. Someone explained it to me once. They said that during a fierce storm when the wind is whipping the trees and pulling them up from their roots and the rain drives on as if it wants to drown the earth, the sheer velocity and power of the storm does something to the lightning. The voltage is higher or something... And the white lightning... It gets this shock of power and it turns green. Ordinary, white lightning with too much power.
...Is kissing you like that?
Oh, I don't mean to pry. And I would probably get a better answer if I asked her. She's kissed you enough, among other things, and that's only from what I've seen. I can watch you from a distance and you're always just a little too close for my sanity's sake. Oh, but don't worry. I'm perfectly fine. Just curious.
So is kissing you like being a bolt of green lightning? Are you that extra surge of power that would fry the normalcy within me? Does she shiver when you kiss her... or does she feel warm, oh so warm? I'm sure you'd object to just one kiss, just one for me so that I wouldn't have to be curious anymore. Perfectly understandable. Perfectly fine.
God, I'm sorry to say it again, but you're just beautiful. You, my dear, you. And men... men aren't supposed to be beautiful but you are. Like... Fuck, I don't know. You're perfect. I've never seen eyes like yours before, did I ever tell you that? They burn into me, into my skin, if you ever casually let them fall over my body, which you never do. But I see I have their full attention now. So full. So beautiful. Dark... your eyes are the darkest ebony. I could swim in them. And here, I thought I always went for the blue-eyed ones... Funny thing.
Anyway, I have some more things to ask you. Like what makes her so much better than me that she deserves your eyes, hands and everything else all over her. I'm sure you have perfectly legitamate reasons... I only wonder. Forgive me.
But what is it? Could it be her hair? The way she dresses? Because, you know, I could do all of that. Material things, really... And her hair isn't that spectacular.
I know you can't love her for her mind. Come now, we both know that. I may be confused a little but I can open my eyes wide enough to see that you have an intellect of which there is no match... I don't know how well I would keep up but I'm sure I could do better than her.
Or is it because she's willing to give you all of her, at any time? Willing to let you take her, possess her and all of her, right now?
That's possible. But really, dear, who told you I wouldn't?
Oh, I don't want to sound like I do this kind of thing all the time... But I swear to God, if you asked me I'd do it. Not that you would... But if you did... With your eyes looking deep into me and your hands playing over my skin... And your words, soft, hot... and all I can hear is "Please" and "Now" and "Mine".
Look, you've gone and made me lose my train of thought. You do that so much, you know. Do you mean to?
But what I really want to know... Why I'm saying this to you... What I just can't wrap my mind around in the darkest hours of the night when I just want to scream into the sky... Screaming your name... Over and over until it doesn't sound like a word anymore... Those times... and now... what I want to know is this...:
Would you ever consider it? Me? Us? Not for long, even. Just something. You owe me that much, I've given you all of me, though you don't even know it.
Would you? If I asked, would you even look up? Would you laugh? Or could you possibly agree, take me and leave me, broken and full of darkness.
It's dark enough here. I doubt I'd mind.
You might say that what I feel isn't love but it's something, it's fucking SOMETHING! and that's so much more than I've EVER felt before! It doesn't matter if it's love or not, it's me, it's you it's us it's power and death absolute night finality ice-rain everything, everything, EVERYTHING!
Make me your toy, your possession, your life or your effigy. I'll be your damnation but I'll never hold you back.
I need you.
You're darkness is my everything.
My green lightning.
And I can imagine what you'd do if I said this. And I can imagine what they'd say. There are times when I might like to say it... But I won't. Because I can see the aftermath. So for now, I can just imagine your eyes, your body, your cold fingertips and your darkness...
Because you are serene in your monotonous existance. And only during chaos can power turn white lightning green.
So I'll wait. For your world to be in shatters and for you to know real misery.
I'll wait for your chaos.
Oh god, you're beautiful.