Phase One:

The crazy shit, we'll do for money.

Do you hate your job? Well, join the club. We are single mothers waitressing in seedy diners. We are nineteen year old strippers degrading ourselves to pay our college tuition. We are construction workers that never graduated high school because our mother needed help paying the bills. Some of us are even fourteen-year-old prostitutes with no other options besides starving to death alone in an alley.

You rich people think you are the majority. You think you rule the world. We can spot you a mile away. Your pants are weighed down by loose change that will probably fall between the cushions of your designer couch. The money in your couch could probably keep one of us clothed and fed for a month. All you CEO's and surgeons and lawyers. You spend your money at strip joints and on a good time with the previously mentioned fourteen year old. You can't help bragging about it either, as if you're proud of it. Are you really proud? How could you be proud of not being able to keep it in your pants?

The thing that gets under our skin is how you have all the money you could ever possibly need and then you go and commit those pathetic white-collar crimes. We have to rob gas stations with nylons on our heads just to make ends meet. But you can take years to embezzle billions of dollars from your high powered insurance company and laugh at night about how goddamn clever you are. We have to hide in dumpsters so the police don't see us with our knapsack of twenty-dollar bills. We probably stole three hundred dollars if we are lucky. You stole millions and still we are the ones that get jail time. We are the ones that suffer.

We aren't holding out hope that you're handing stacks of the stolen money to orphans in Malaysia and we certainly don't see any of it. You think you won't get caught. The taxpayers will absorb the deficit. We are the taxpayers and we can't absorb anymore of your deficit. We have been saturated because of your need to ruin a good thing.

Bored with your life? Than get a goddamn dog.

None of you are ever happy. No. Why would you settle for two million a year when you can score another million for free? Go ahead; try to explain why you need a beach house in Maui when you already have a penthouse in Pairs and a chalet in Switzerland. Tell us how you can afford to hire a designer to decorate a house you only see twice a year when we can barely afford to feed two of our five kids.

Don't try to justify what you have done. It's all bullshit to us. We steal because we have to; you steal because you want to. We can't feel sorry for you when you do finally get what you deserve. Tax evasion and insurance fraud offenders have to go to the same penitentiary as us. It is the only place you don't get to be better. You don't get a private cell with a delivery service to do your laundry and bring you gourmet food. You have to eat the same lumpy oatmeal as us and share a bunk bed with a huge tattooed guy that is capable of who knows what. Prison is the only place we are equal. Does that sound screwed up to you? It does to us.

Don't worry, all you have to do is not get caught and everything will be fine. You can live in your mansions in the nice part of town with your flat screen televisions and four car garages. We live a couple blocks away. We probably look for food in your garbage cans. You throw away an entire box of cookies because you're going on that new fad diet where you can't have food.

Don't you notice us there? Can't you pretend to care? We aren't asking for charity, we just want you to appreciate what you have instead of throwing it away.

Why don't you see how greedy you are being when you have a store closed for a few hours so you can shop in peace. Who are you kidding? You may be rich but you aren't Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston. At least they have a reason to be arrogant; they are good looking and have worked for their money. They aren't middle-aged men that cheat on their wives and ignore their kids. They aren't you.

I'm just lucky, you say to yourself. Lucky to have had a good childhood. Lucky to have a good education behind you. Lucky to have a good job. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky you know how to fix things so you never get the short end of the stick. Don't forget about the people you are screwing over when you give yourself the advantage. Us.

You might notice a guy in an alley once in awhile, trying to sleep on the dirty pavement. Dreaming about a soft, clean bed, like the one you have at home. You say, too bad he doesn't have a job. It's his own fault he's back there begging for money. Too bad he gave his savings to a greedy stockbroker that took off with it. Too bad he trusted one of you greedy bastards is what we say.

We know what unlucky is. But at least we can sleep at night knowing we are only doing what we have to. Can you say that about yourself?