Freshman Year: Chapter 1

Where does it all begin? Let's begin with that one day…

Sure, people would say it was day like any other. Nothing special. Just a regular day of summer which passes by just as fast as it comes. But that day went especially fast. You know why? Because it was the last day of summer. I felt a lot of things that day. Hurt. Pain. Confusion. Anxiety. Angst. Lost. Dread. And whatnot. One thing was sure, I was no where near the feeling of excitement…or happiness. Oh hell no. I literally hated the world…the people…everything. I wanted to run away from it all. Leave forever and never come back. But I had already tried that path, it didn't really work out that great. Just screwed things even more, added more shit to my life, more complexities, more troubles, more lies, more memories. Just more things that I could definitely live without but was forced to live with. My one sense of escape, my secret passage that no one knew about, my haven, turned out to be brutal deceit.

A trap.

It was my only way to see the light again on my face, without a worry in my mind to think about. It was my only way out.

But that "only way out" became other ways, which became into other paths, which in turn became other ways never-ending, until I got lost in the maze of life. That's when I learned that I couldn't find a way out anymore, I had to make a way out, by myself. Only by myself. Who needs friends? All they ever do is use you. Lie to you. Frame you. Ruin you. They were all lying, backstabbing jackals who enjoy watching other people suffer. Sadistic freaks.

But anyway, I believed that my 9th grade year would be different. Not because I was going to a new school. Not because I was away from all my old "friends". Not because I had another chance to redeem my original self with a chance of not getting penalized. No I wasn't going to risk the same mistakes I made in my past years. No way. I learned from all those horrible memories. I believed that my 9th grade year would be VERY different, because that time I was going to take control of my own life. I wasn't going to allow anyone use me, ever again. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my boyfriend. No one. I wasn't going to let anyone get too close to me, ever again. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my boyfriend. No one. I wasn't going to do anymore favors for anyone, ever again. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my boyfriend. No one, just me.

All these things I used to hate. Love. Happiness. Trust. Friendship. Excitement. It's not that I didn't want them, I just didn't want the consequences that would come with it. Every night I wished I had those things, which every other teenager had. A great family. Friends who would be there all the way. A love. Everything I never could attain with full emotion because it would leave me stranded with nothing when in the beginning it gave me everything.

I always hated that feeling. That feeling of constant desire. That feeling of living life like looking through a frosted window. Blurry. Cold. Isolated.

Yes, that year would've been the first of the four years of my personal hell. I knew it was going to change my life in some way or another. But something in the back of my head told me that that year I would learn how to be happy again. How to trust again. How to love again. How to have that feeling of dancing in the summer rain with no worries. But then that other half was hinting how that year would be my worst. I would never learn to be happy, to trust, or to love. Never. But all in all, I knew one thing: freshman year was going to change my life. But I guess I never realized that freshman year was going to affect my life so much. It changed it in a way I would have never thought possible. It twisted my life into more twists and turns, with more complications, confusion, troubles, and pain.

Was it ever going to end?

Happily? Horribly? Blissfully? Dreadfully?

Authors Note:

Hello all! Well, I have decided to continue this story for now, and the Love and Hate one later one. Iono, I might switch from time to time. But anywho, I just wanted to tell everyone that this is a very powerful story for me. Yes, its almost like an autobiography with a few twists into it, I don't think most people would be able to tell what's real and what's not anyway. But yeah, theyr experiences I went through, and got through with much difficulty. And yeah, I thought a lot before starting this story and I found out that there's more for me to gain than lose from this, whereas you people just get entertainment, which I don't mind at all ^_^. Anyway, just wanted to say that this story really means a lot to me and I would appreciate it if you would keep all the "flames" to yourself. Esp for those of you who know me personally, don't get unsulted, offended, or W/E.. im not telling you to read it so yeah, don't start yelling at me because I'll yell right back o.O.

Aite, I shall leave you beautiful ppl be.. hope ur enjoying the story, even tho it is kinda depressing at the momenet. *shrugs* I used to be much worse, but w/e.


Peace, Love, and Jade.