5Are you feeling lonely? Do you never feel like you can fit in? Do you feel the need to let some of this overwhelming sadness out of your system? It's not that I can fix your emotional shortcomings, but I CAN help you make something of them! With my INSTANT EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN HIT-MAKER you can take that pain and turn it into gain!
GETTING STARTED: Do you have a screechy voice? If so, you're gonna be a star. If you don't, find someone who does. There is no real 'format' for an emo band, but you need to find a few male friends who can play their instruments sort of decently, and make sure you can play one too.
GET THE GEAR: Tight pants are in again! If you have troubles finding any tight pants in the men's clothing section, try the teenage girls section. The whisker wash is very popular with men. Make sure you buy your shirts too small. I would recommend that they make your armpits hurt when you wear them. Also, if you don't have to constantly tug it down, it's not small enough. If you have tried every store and can't find a shirt that is too small for you, fear not. It's time to break out our childhood polo shirts. These will make you look like a skinny emotionally distraught boy. Girls dig it, and if you meet one that doesn't, you can write a song about it. Lastly, you need the emo glasses. If it turns out that you don't need vision correction, stores like Claire's sell plastic non-prescription black framed glasses.
GET THE HAIR: You can't only sound emo, you must LOOK it. You aren't emo if your hair isn't always in your face. if this means simply not cutting your hair, then that is all it takes. If your hair is already long, have it styled so that you must walk around with your head at a tilt in order to see through your hair. I know this sounds like something quite annoying, but the neck cramps are worth it. I promise.
BAND NAME: You want an overly serious, overly depressing band name, but one with a childish hint to it. "Fall Out Boy" puts the boyish hint, while also putting in the 'fall out' part to insinuate sadness and downward spiraling. Something vintage is always good too. "Arnold's Drive In" gives the listener an at home feeling, a need for comfort and down home good times. Including everyday things such as a dashboard also gives the listener the at home feeling. "Dashboard Confessional" collaborates the downward depressing spiral with the at home feeling to make for a very idealistic emo name.
WRITE THE SADNESS: Going straight from the middle class and reaching out to all of the angst filled youngsters and touching the hearts of boys and girls abroad is a hard task. Here are a few pointers: Use metaphors. Use symbolism. Pull out those old sheets from high school English that tell you how to write poetry. Try using imagery, but with less detail. Leave the listener with a feeling of vagueness, or misunderstanding. If they don't understand what you write, it will be easier for them to relate to what you say. Lyrics are the strength of the emotional. Emo kids don't work out, they look sickly and pale. So, the strength is entirely in your words. well I guess I shouldn't say 'strength' I should say weakness. Emo is all about men letting out their weakness and their sadness.
THE MUSIC: Put your miserable lyrics to a miserable beat. When singing them, make yourself sound miserable too. If you can't be too emotional, just make your voice whiney. this is good for sounding miserable. It is okay to have a variety of songs when you are emo, because whatever emotion you want to convey is an okay one. well, excluding happiness and joy. Emo- kids are NOT happy, so don't appear to be at all.
PERFORMING: Let your audience feel what you're feeling. and if you're feeling happy, stop. Don't use humor on stage. you're not a funny person. The only emotion you can convey on stage really is sadness, depression, and compassion. You want to give the audience the feeling that you are willing to die for your songs and for the music because there is nothing left. Make them understand that being a pussy wuss is not only okay, but it is normal because you're a pussy wuss yourself. Don't actually say it but let them think it, it's fine.
THINGS TO REMEMBER: You are a sad miserable creature with little chance of doing anything with your life. You will never really fall in love and nobody really likes you. It's okay to feel this way, and it's even better to write these feelings out. After all, they are your only chance at success.