Death to the Bard

Nobody reads poetry anymore.
Why flex your neurons reading Shakespeare,
When you can easily obtain the recipe
For becoming a millionare in three days?
-Which, by the way, is four bucks cheaper-
Why would you give in to the luxurious temptation of buying a book
When the electronics departament is just around the corner?
Honestly, you goddamned snob, isn't the TV good enough for you?
-Hell, even reruns from the '80 get higher ratings than us-
Why would anyone waste that organic component of their bodies
Called money, on an old, musty object that is little more than outdated,
And that does nothing else than gather dust on a shelf?
-I think we've all got more than enough scrap paper to wipe the windows
You know what? I don't even want you to read my book.
Why the hell would you waste your while doing a trivial thing like that?
I guarantee that it won't make you any skinnier,
Or richer,
Or sexier,
Or more potent,
Or more popular and likeable and friendly.
So -that's right- I should get a restraining order keeping you people away
from my book.
Go become the world's greatest salesperson - Good Luck!
-I'll see you at the shelter next week-
Go get over your preference for liquids;
-Or mabye heroin while we're at it-
Go sit in line for a 20$ role in Hollywood ...
-If you'll make it that far, that is-
And when you've got over all your aforementioned problems
Don't you even dare come near my book, you pseudo-intellectual!
You're not buying it for yourself, are you? Really?
Well, don't you even think about giving it to your boss!
-Or to your girlfriend for that matter-
Who the hell are you people trying to impress?
Everyone knows you've got a great deal of cerebral potential anyway!
-To be read: Everyone knows you for the shrewd and worthless git you are-
So you still want to buy my book? Forget it!
Don't you even intend to give it to your mother-in-law!
-She's not any worse than you are-
What? You pity my povery and my ideas?
Does that still mean you want to buy my book?
-Hell, you people are sure persistent-
All right, mabye I'll ask you nicely now to ...
-I'd rather starve to death than sell my book to people like you-
My inner motive:
The number of pseudo-intellectuals is rapidly increasing in our society.
You -Yes,you!- know the type well.
They look smart, act smart, think they're smart and want you
-Yes, you!-
To think they're smart.
-If you have a hard time finding an example, there is a high probability of
one residing in
your nearest mirror-
The world looks a lot like hell to me -
That's why I bothered to publish this book:
Mabye there is still a true intellectual out there,
-I know they're near extinction, but bear with me-
The type of person whose brain isd to be found in their heart,
Who will mabye pick up this book, read it carefully,
And let it resonate in their very being,
And feel its meaning -in thier eyes- evaporate from their pores.
-If you are personally acquainted with one, let them know about this SOS!-
(Do it quickly! People like them have a tendency to grow bitter sometimes)
I'm sure such a specimen still roams free out there,
It's an unscientific certainty of mine.
-Who says it's true?-
I have to get back to my post now '
-Pardon me, but didn't I just tell you to get away from my book?!-