6Myself: hum de dum
Me: What?
I: Uhh what the hell is the purpose of this exactly?
All: To show we have too much time on our hands..
Little girl, little girl
How beautiful and innocent you seem
In your mothers arms; surrounded in a beautiful gleam..
What a wonderful life you shall have in your future..
Alla was born 9:00:56 pm on November, 29. Her mother gathers the little bundle in her arms and smiled down at the helpless creature in her arms. All the thoughts of hate, and pain of birth gone as the angel stirred and cried wanting to be fed. Beth, the mother left all the anger in her mind from the nine months for this one moment of awe, that just didn't seem to end.
Little Girl, Little girl
How pure you are with innocence at your whim
Let the love and purity fill you; forget the pain you will feel
Still very young, it'll be over soon and you'll have a beautiful future.
The fluffy pink dress flounced and bounced on her as she crawled around the tree looking for the lizard she spied a minute ago. Alla gave a childish smile and her hands outstretched and caught the green anole. "Mommy might cheer up seeing this!" She sat down on the tree's root and stroked the lizard in her hands, its smooth skin tickled her fingers, then standing up she ran into her house and went to find her mother. Mother, depressed and pained as usual scowled at the dining room table looking at the broken glass before her, Beth was drowning in the self hate and the voices that overwhelmed her with feelings to destroy. "Mommy! Look what I found!" Beth's eyes darted over to the little angel that came towards her. This wasn't her child, her child wasn't as ugly.. "Get the fuck away from me you bitch!" Her hand flew and struck Alla, the lizard flying in the air and landing on the tile floor, then staggering towards the door.
Her eyes welded up in tears as she caught the glimpse of utter hatred in her mother's intense eyes "M-Mommy.." The spit flew from her mother's mouth as she told the little girl to shut up. "Look what you did to me!" Beth raised her shirt to show the ugly scar across her abdomen from the cesarean operation that brought Alla into this world five years ago. Alla's eyes just stared blankly as her mother went on "You think any amount of "I love yous' and meaningless gifts are going to make up for what you did to my beautiful body!" Her hand came down again making Alla flinch, but instead of being swatted the top layer of her pink skirt was ripped off "Why the hell are you wearing this I bought it! This doesn't belong to you!" Alla struggled but couldn't run away "But Mommy! You bought it for me" Beth ripped another piece of cloth off, this time managing to cut her daughter "That's right I bought it! Take it off now!" Seeing the blood trickle down her daughters arm, she clicked and walked away muttering. "Daddy will be home soon and you'll go to the babysitters Alla" She sat down at the table again and stared at the broken glass. Alla just blinked back her tears and stood up to go find something else to wear for going to her babysitters.
Alla rummaged through her drawers for a moment, and managed to get out a white skirt and little blue kitty t shirt. Her mother Beth always seemed to have a thing for dressing up her daughter in skirts, of course Alla never fussed as to not bring out the evil lady that lived in her mommy's heart. After tying her shoes into as many tight knots as possible she waited outside her door for daddy to get home from the store that morning and then she'll go to the babysitters. Janie the babysitter wasn't the nicest babysitter in the world,
She was only kind to the children that were related to her; being half of her whole child inventory and Alla was a girl she hated most. Seeing the little girl some in she just moved her into the playing area in the basement and went back to cooking everyone's morning meal. Aaron was one of her grandchildren who she adored even though he was a tyrant at the age of ten, as he and his band of three other boys ran down the steps toward Alla she paid no mind thinking nothing would go wrong.
Alla went off into the dusty corner of the basement and watched as the kids older than her played out some weird scene where they disappeared into a box and dressed themselves in fine see through pastel colored materials. Holding the little teddy bear she loved so much she managed to smile despite the earlier casualty with her mommy. Soon enough she would get a turn to put on the worn curtains and play with the kids, or so she thought. The little fingers on her hand grazed the glass-like eyes of Cinny, her teddy bear, and seeing the other boys come in a feeling of no other crossed over her making Alla cringe.
Alla wasn't the best child in the daycare, for one she wasn't of the religion that most the kids in this program were, that and she wasn't related to the babysitter meaning she didn't get away with anything. That wasn't the only reason though, being five years old she still had what daddy called morals..or whatever he called them. She was a fighter and wouldn't take anything from these kids around her. Like every little girl, she didn't like boys, not that they had cooties or whatnot it was just what mother would always tell her, which we will get into later. Instead of going "eww!" when a boy would kiss her she would take her metal Tonka trucks she always preferred over the mangled Barbie's and clock the child across the face. Also worked when a boy would pull her hair, that's how one or two managed to get a black eye or a broken nose. This time she eyed these boys wearily, something wasn't right at the moment and she didn't understand what; Aaron, Tim, Jake, and Benny, she didn't care for them that much seeming how they were always obsessed over 'boobies' and other parts that came with a grown female, so she would just go her own ways not to provoke any communication for these kids.
"Hey! Alla!" Her body shuddered hearing her name, poor Cinny was squeezed so hard its eyes almost popped off. Looking up from her daze she saw the four boys beckoning her to come into the darkened hallway where they were. Going with the voice in her head she turned around to ignore them until Benny, the youngest rushed over and took Cinny making her follow him into the hallway. "Give Cinny back! I'll Tell if you don't" She yelled Aaron smiled and rubbed the arm of the bear "Who are you going to tell, Alla? Besides, I'll give you your stupid bear if you do as I say, if you don't then Mr. Bear will meet death from my friend the scissors." With her eyes widening she looked at him and nodded quickly, that bear was something that left her happy when Mommy would go psyco on her, nothing could happen to Cinny, and she would do anything to make sure of it; even though the voice in her head told her to let the damn bear go. Aaron let out a sly grin as he tossed the bear to Jake. "When we are done you'll get the bear back, but first you have to follow me"
Alla swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded following Aaron into the room no kid was allowed into. The room was covered in dust and a rat would be seen here or there, Alla didn't like this place much, the voice in her head didn't either and kept telling her they're other bears in the world, get the hell out of there. Aaron opened the closet door and motioned for her to get in and sit on a box that was raised up in the air so he wasn't looking down at her. "We are going to play a game that I saw my parents play last night.." Alla's eyes widened case she knew what game he was talking about, and it wasn't twister either. She didn't like this idea at all and the voice in her head was sounding like some guy from a army movie her dad watched and said "Get the hell out of Dodge!" Aaron looked down at the little girl and smiled grabbing her small wrists and getting in her face "Now, don't scream or the bear will lose its head, you can't fight back cause it should be over soon enough. Trust me.." Trust him?! Trust him?! Alla was already getting scared but her voice had left her "You won't feel anything.." She wanted to fight back, she wanted to have a Tonka truck and shatter his jaw, and yet, she was reduced her a shuddering little girl with tears going down her face listening to him chuckle under his breath as she explored and played with her. Alla closed her eyes and went somewhere else in her mind, becoming numb to it as best as she could, she had learned this with her mom's tangents. Vaguely could she feel his hands and lips, the only pain she would remember after it all was when his long finger nail scratched a certain part of her that made yelp, only to amuse him even more.
The voice in her head talked back to her with how much of a little idiot she was. Alla, keeping her eyes closed agreed and then when he had had his fun he left her in there, placing her on the floor and admiring what a good little girl she was, Aaron took the bear away from Jake, who was being look out like the other two, and tossed the bear down at her. Without hesitation her hands found and clasped the bear where she slept for two hours being unbothered. In her dreams she didn't dream anything it was only her and the voice that talked back at her, together they made a promise that she shall never be any boy's doll. Waking up she rubbed her eyes with the back of her fist and walked up into the living room where all the children were herded for the time being. Janie swatted her for not being up in the house like everyone else. Even though she could have said why she was so delayed she didn't bother, the hurting was still there and she body just seemed to ache she didn't speak a word and just accepted the swat. What would be the use of telling Janie? Aaron was one of her kin and he would deny it every happening, so instead, she will tell daddy when he picks her up. Walking into the kitchen and receiving her pb&j she picked at it and ate what she could, Janie used that jar where the peanut butter and Jelly was mixed together, to Alla it was gross and couldn't eat it much without wanting to vomit. When she managed to eat enough that was satisfactory she went outside and played on the swing set. Seeing Aaron again she froze, she little heart beating but still managing to swing as high as she could get. The boy saw her and merely smiled and waved to her with that dark look he had. Cinny sat in the waistband of her skirt, which immediately calmed her down, seeing such a malicious look on a boy so young was frightening, couldn't help but make the little girl wonder; was she the only one who had experienced the torture he put her though?
Alla swung on the swing set wondering if she could swing high enough could the wind pick her and take her away? She smiled at the thought and began swinging harder and waiting for her daddy to come and pick her up. When she stopped the swing she stood up and a wave of pain brought her back down to the ground, tears welded up in her eyes and she muffled the shrill that would have brought Janie out in a second. Kneeling in the dirt doubled over she waited silently as tears streamed down her face. "Alla!" It was her father. She turned as quickly as she could to see her daddy running towards her "Are you ok? What happened? Did you hurt yourself? How did you hurt yourself?" The jumbled words spilled out of her father's mouth and she had half the right to tell her dad about it, but then she glanced over to the jungle gym and saw the threatening glare in his eyes. She shook her head knowing she couldn't saw it and just peered at her dad "I'm ok." She grimaced, "I fell down in the basement area while playing." He nodded and picked up his little girl "Well no reason to cry over that, it'll get better and you'll forget by tomorrow that it ever happened." His reassuring smile eased her for the moment till the thought of going back to mommy crossed her mind.
"Daddy? Is mommy ok now?... If she isn't can we go to that bar place you took me before and listen to the songs you like and play pool?... Please?" Even though how he held her made her extremely uncomfortable, she held on tightly to his t-shirt. She looked down at her arm and saw the crusty scab that marked the morning incident, making her hold on to his shirt tighter.
Little Girl, Little Girl
Even to hell you're so pure and innocent
Though people seem to pluck your petals with poisoned hands
Morning dew will heal those bruises and you'll be fair again in the land.