51The Official Fantasy Fiction University Authorized by Miss Camilla Sandman, author of The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth, available on .net. Which means this is a parody, and has been marked as such. If you want to do a parody of this in a different section of FictionPress, or on , contact her, with the penname Camilla Sandman. The purpose of this is to teach you how to write good fantasy stories that people will actually like, in an entertaining way. To sign up, see the bottom of this chapter. Any resemblance to any persons, places, or things is probably coincidence. I make no guarantees, though.
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Lesson 1-Nina
Doreen was an amazing girl. An author named Nina wrote. The whole world was awed at her amazing beauty. Doreen was a young elf, with long, flowing green, blue, orange, and fire-red hair. It was all natural. Her eyes were exceptionally bright, and spiraled in gold and silver, clearly. Two perfectly sized mostly-clear, glowing wings sprung out of Doreen's back, causing other people to stare in awe. She was never dirty, not even in the slightlyest bit. Doreen's hair was always perfectly combed, and her skin was amazingly soft. Her clothes almost sparkled, further enhancing her looks. Suitors lined up outside her house for miles, hoping to win her heart. But she had already given it, to the most handsome prince in the world. And, of course, he loved her back. One day, Doreen decided that she was gong to- Error, error... "Huh?" Nina said, staring at her screen. Errorerrorerror. Kiss my beeeeeeeeep... With that, Nina's computer turned off. "What the heck?" she complained, pushing the power button. Nothing happened. "Hey! You're a top-of-the-line, new computer! Why won't you work!?" Nina yelled in frustration. A moment later, there was a ripping sound as a large, mostly vertical black rift appeared. "Um..." Nina said, staring at it. A moment later, two figures stepped out of it.
"Miss Nina Dworkenhausen?" the younger of the two asked.
"Y-yes, that's me." Nina said, stepping backwards.
"Our sensors picked up your writing, and it has been flagged as 'Rather bad'." the elder one said. "Therefore, you are required to attend the Official Fantasy Fiction University. If you pass it, then you will recieve your lisence to write Fantasy Original Fiction again."
"What!?" Nina yelled. "I'm going crazy, that must be it." she said, whacking her head. She then paused as a folder was thrust into her hands. "W-what's this?"
"That is your entrance form. Please be advised that everything will be taken literally. You can be almost whatever you want, but please, be reasonable. The Mini's are exceptionally fond of going after those who stand out especially well." the younger visitor said.
"Mini's?" Nina asked.
"You'll see." the younger one said, grinning. "We'll be picking you up while you sleep, fill out your form before then." With that, the two bowed and walked through the rift, which vanished. Nina sighed.
"This is absurd..." she muttered. But she opened the packet and got a pen. The first page was full of legal stuff, which she basically ignored. After that was her entry form, complete with almost everything about her. Sighing, the girl filled it out.
Name: Nina Dworkenhausen Age: 14 Gender: Female Hair Color/Length: Platinum Blonde/Waist Eye Color: Silver Race: Elf Fighting Skills: Swords, Magic Build: Voluptuous I write: Romance Lust Type: Not Applicable Muses that will need looking after(Number, please): 0 Type of person you hate: Arrogant females
"Humph." Nina said, setting it down on the table. "This is nuts... No way all that can be true..." Since it was late, Nina stretched and changed, getting into her bed. Her lightswitch was conviniently placed by the bed, so Nina flicked it off and went to sleep.
The next day...
"Ugh... Are we havin' an earthquake or something?" Nina muttered, sitting up. She then froze in shock. She was in a large carriage, along with about eleven other kids and somebody up front.
"Oh, you're awake." the driver said. He turned around to face her, letting go of the reins.
"Hey! Who's steering!?" one of the other kids yelled.
"Oh, he can steer himself. He knows where we're going." the driver said, smiling. His eyes were extremely pale, but had a hint of green in them. His hair was short, black, and unkempt. He looked to be the same age as the kids.
"Who are you?" Nina asked, sitting up. She then paused, seeing some of her hair. It was Platinum Blonde, and reached her waist. A moment later, she felt her ears. They were pointed. "I'm an elf!"
"Yup. That's what you put on your form." the driver said. "My name is Rai Aquarius. I'm one of the staff at the University where you'll all be learning. I teach Abstract and Unusual Humor 1, 2, and 3." Everybody else quickly introduced themselves. "Good." Rai said.
"Uh, how are we moving?" a boy asked.
"Oh, a dragon's pulling us." Rai said.
"A dragon?" Everybody said, staring.
"Yup." Rai said, still smiling. "As most of you have noticed, your bodies have changed to reflect what you put on your forms. Get used to it, you'll be staying that way." Somebody sighed at hearing this. They had turned their body into that of an exceptioally ugly dwarf.
"So, what's going to happen next?" a girl asked. She was a "Cat Girl", so she looked human, except she had cat ears and a tail.
"You'll all go into the main hall, where you will be introduced to all of the staff, and the Headmaster, of course. Can't forget him, much as I'd like to..."
"Why are we here?" somebody else asked.
"Our sensors at the school picked up your writing, and it was flagged at 'Bad' at best to 'This is Ridiculously Unacceptable' at worst." Rai explained. "So, you have been registered for the Official Fantasy Fiction University so that you can learn how to write. More then a few of you had perfect characters." Rai added, and at least 3/4 of the kids in the carriage winced. After a few more minutes, the carriage stopped. "We're here." Rai said, smiling. "Go inside." he finished, before vanishing.
"Cool!" somebody said. - -
To sign up, look at the bottom of my bio, and send me an e-mail with the form filled out. It should appear shortly, if it hasn't already.
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