39/19/04
There are too many things
I don't understand in what I live
What am I supposed to do?
How much am I supposed to give?
It's beyond an understanding
It's an equation with an undefined answer
I can't find it in the depths anymore
It's a tumor turning to a fast-spreading cancer
Buried beneath this disease of despair
And there's no one to turn to for hope
Someone must have ripped out my faith,
Leaving me no way to live or cope
I must have woken up from a dream
To realize what I have become now
Where have I been all this time to not realize
That I have broken my heavenly vow
I think I'm losing all my faith
I think I'm to the point of complete despair
Do you realize how much time I've given,
Waiting for an answer for that one little prayer
Where have you been, all this time?
Testing me, if my faith is really true
I don't know if you're there in my heart anymore
I don't know if I can still believe in you
But maybe I'm just a bit weak
To not trust in your grace anymore
Maybe I still need to give it time
And find out what my life is lived for
I think I just need to understand
Why I'm really losing hope like this
Maybe then I'll realize it wasn't you
But it was me who was a mess
Maybe then I can gain back the faith
The one that I had before
Maybe then I'll be able to realize
What this life really is worth living for
But for now, I'm still at loss
I'm still clinging on to the edge of hope
I don't want to fall down to the pit of despair
I want to go on, live on, and cope