Blue Vision

It was another fight. Another word here, gesture there, that lead to the door slamming and me running down the driveway of my boyfriend's house, jacket in hand and skin heated in anger. Everytime. Everytime it was like this, both of us going our separate ways, refusing to talk for days, refusing to apologize. In the end, someone called the other on accident and we forgot we had fought at all. Or at least we forgot what it had been about.

The cold night air bit my skin, even after I shrugged on my jacket, and even after I hugged my arms around myself. I scowled as I stomped away, inflicting as much pain on the ground as I could. He could be such a prick sometimes. Hell, he could be a prick most of the time. He was a stubborn asshole, that's what he was. Even now I couldn't remember what the hell had started the yelling fit, only that it ended the same way as it always did - with me on the road, trying not to cry, and trying not to yell at the closest person. I'm not an angry boy, I'm just emotional.

Chris... now, Chris was the angry one. He was always angry at something, telling off someone, picking fights somewhere. I've been with him for six years. Crazy, huh? Six years of nonstop fighting, yelling, grudge holding and then acting as if nothing had happened. Some people wonder how the hell we do it. Some people wonder how I put up with him. Some people can keep on wondering because the only thing I'll ever say is that I love him. Through thick, thin, and utterly insane, I've loved him and I know I'll keep on loving him. I'm still angry at him right now, though. Stupid fucking asshole.

I think a lot of people, when they see Chris, think he abuses me. It's sort of funny... I'm more of the hitter than he is. Not that I can do much. I get frustrated sometimes and start beating on his shoulder like a girl. He thinks it's funny. Har har.

My feet crunch loudly on the dead leaves that lay scattered on the ground. It's in the middle of autumn; here, the nights get very very cold in autumn. It's stupid to go outside without a jacket. I'm sort of glad I instinctively grabbed my jacket, but I'm mostly just angry, and so it's a fleeting thought. He's such a dick.

I stopped in the middle of a short bridge, the one that connects one no name town to another equally nameless town. Furrowing my brow, I tried to remember just what we had been arguing about...

"Goddamn it, Isaac, close the fridge door!"

"I did!"

I looked up from the couch, sending an indignant glare to where I assumed he stood in the kitchen. I really hated being accused of something I didn't do... but then again, who doesn't? I heard some movement, and then his figure filled up the door. He was frowning at me.

"No. You didn't. I went in and it was wide open. Did you forget that my fridge has a stubborn door?"

Despite his condescending tone, which would had pissed me off, I cringed, remembering. Yup. Stupid door, you had to slam the thing to keep it closed, and even then sometimes once you turned your back it popped open again...

"Yeah... I forgot. I'm sorry." That would have ended it, but he was in a bad mood that time.

"... Isaac, how long have we been together? Six years is a long time to be forgetting something as daily as 'fridge door gets stuck, must use force.'"

After that, we just sort of worked ourselves up into a yelling frenzy, moving from room to room, stomping around, slamming doors and trying to get the best insults in edgewise. Virtually every part of his house had been touched by our violence.

I exhaled abruptly, watching as it came out as visible white vapors. It was really cold.

I blinked and looked around, suddenly nervous. It was much too quiet than normal. All sounds, the water under the bridge, the wind in the trees, crickets birds and other night life, all of it had stopped. It was silent. The world had stopped.

Hooded gray eyes gazed across the surface of the water apathetically, thin androgynous body sitting just below the short bridge, shoulders hunched sharply under heavy, slacken clothes. Nondescript brown hair peeked from under a dark beanie. Face was frozen in a stoic expression, lips in a hard line.

Water flowed by and under the bridge, clear near the surface, darker as it receded closer to the earth. Under the bridge it fell to shadow, in the open it became a liquid faceted jewel, reflecting the sun in all directions. A glint of pale flesh, a sharp movement, a face under water.

Hands reaching toward the blurry sun, the light distorted by the water but still bright. Thin fingers outstretched. A last unconscious plea for life. Green eyes clouded, chest convulsing and tears… tears that were never there, and could never be there.

Water swept on, surface untouched and uncaring.

Gray eyes, never straying.

And face never changing.

Green eyes open, unseeing; lips parted, silent, and arm reaching, useless, limp.

Swept away with the current into a darker blue depth.

I gasped as a light shone in my face, making me turn my face to the side to escape. I only had time to slide my hands out of my pockets and squint back into the light.

Chris?

It hit me full speed, full weight, and I crashed first into the fender, then up against the window shield, causing thousands of spider web cracks to race across the glass. My blood was immediately splattered all across it. I slid over the top, rolled across the hood and fell to the ground with a thud. I was twisted at an impossible angle. One side of my vision was red and everything seemed broken and numb.

I couldn't feel anything...

After a moment, I heard footsteps pounding on the road, getting closer. Someone was shouting my name.

"Isaac! Isaac!"

I couldn't even blink and they knelt besides me, touching my shoulder as if afraid it would hurt. Don't worry. I can't feel any pain at all... I can barely feel anything.

"Isaac! Jesus Christ, Isaac! Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear, oh fuck, I would never ever hit... oh, fuck... Isaac! Isaac!"

I finally found his face and forced it to stop swimming. He was so beautiful.

Something warm trickled from my mouth, first a little, then more. Blood.

Chris was about to cry. "Isaac... please don't die... oh, fuck, don't die, I'll never ever fight with you again... oh... shit. fuck... I was just... I was just... I never even saw you, I just wanted to offer you a ride home... I didn't want to hit... oh... Christ..."

He was having a hard time making complete sentences. He was crying, now.

Somehow I managed, with my shattered hand, to convey that I wanted him closer to to me. He pushed his face into the crook of my neck, ignore the blood, and covered me with his arms and chest. He was warm.

"Isaac... don't die... don't..."

I exhaled and turned my head, little by little, to face him, though by now my vision was dim and hazy. I wanted to kiss him.

Again, he knew what I wanted, and I don't know how, though I vaguely heard my own voice. Tears streaming down his face, he touched his lips to mine.

He pulled away.

He was so beautiful.

Before I faded completely, I heard one last thing.

"Someone... kill me."