Birthdays and Secrets
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Day 1, Entry 1
Adonia's Life Story
Hey. Today is my birthday, not that it'll be that exciting. I'm 15, and on none of my birthdays have I ever seemed older. You know what I mean? It's your birthday, your 15 now, yet when people ask how old you are, you still go around answering, "I'm 14," cause you've been doing that all year. You never really seem older, and you find yourself thinking, What's the point? There really isn't a point, except to have a bunch of relatives and family friends come over and say, "The Lord blesses you on this day." Right. Like he thinks this day is more important just for you. I mean, do you know how many other people were born today? A LOT!
And ya know, whenever I find myself growing up, it's never on my birthday. It's like around spring or something, when I think, You know, I think I really am older. Which is saying something, my birthday is in July. It was funny: Just one day in 6th grade I seemed to have grown up. Physically, mentally, and uh, spiritually? Yeah, nobody grows up on their birthday. Sure, when you were like one, two, three, four, five, and so on until you reached double digits, you did feel and look older. But now, you're just like, Hey, I'm the same 14 year old I was, except my mom gave birth to me 15 years ago, so technically I'm 15.
I bet some people have fun on their birthdays. You know, go to the mall or the movies or skating rink and have sleepovers. But me, never. I had little parties at home until I was 7, and my parents figured I could handle it. And, yes, I have. I've never thrown a huge fit or fought with them about the party idea. I now have "parties" where all my relatives and family friends come over. I'm allowed to invite one friend, but since I was 11, I haven't bothered. Yeah, uh, Sunday, July 1st, 2001, my best friend Jordan Henley moved to Connecticut. We were in the same classes, and she was Pagan, too. So we knew how it felt to be in a Catholic life with Pagan beliefs. But she moved, so I've always been that "perfect, quiet girl who gets good grades" to my classmates. Nothing special. So I just live with having relatives gush all over me, and say, "The Lord loves you even more today," every year on July 30th.
Right. So Mother gave me this journal at breakfast telling me to write down my spiritual feelings in. (She had a nice idea of spiritual, just wrong religion to write about.) The stupid thing came with a rosary and prayer book. I threw the rosary out the window, and then 15 minutes later went out to bury it in the garden like all the other rosaries. And I stacked the prayer book on all the other ones to donate to the school when I go back.
Crap. Grandma Enid is here. Crap. Gotta go, but I'll write tomorrow, promise.
-Ginny/Adonia Celia Malachite
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Day 2, Entry 1
Adonia's Life Story
Goddess. I can't believe how many rosaries and prayer books and crosses and crufixes I got yesterday. You won't believe how large my burial ground is right now. I kept like 30, though, to give to the nuns. Along with the other 30 rosaries, 20 crufixes, 20 crosses, and 20 prayer books, they'll be so pleased I'm sharing God's love with everyone. Right.
I hate to imagine what the nuns would think if they knew my secret! Actually, I hate to imagine what the family would think if they knew my secret. All my life, I've lived with, "Pagans are evil," "We must save the Pagans," and, "Oh no, it's the witch!" The last one is only a few people who managed to find out I was Pagan. Otherwise, it's Artemis Crona Malachite (Jordan) and Adonia Celia Malachite's (Me) secret.
I can't believe how far I've gotten with this Pagan thing and kept it a secret from my family. Then again, we have a large house in the city of San Francisco, so if I started to wear all black and red, I didn't stand out much from the others. And I live on the top floor of our manor, close to the attic, where I store all of my Pagan info and where I have a lot of my clothes and my computer and school stuff, too. I pretty much live in that attic, and no one else goes in there. The only reason I have a room is to keep all my Catholic stuff and to look formal when guests come over. I have my CD player, a bed, TV, computer, Pagan stuff, clothes, phone, books, school supplies, and all the stuff I really use in that attic. Nobody comes near it, so they'd never suspect a thing.
Hey, even before I was 8, I'd always been interested in magick and nature and stuff. Buffy, Angel, and Charmed have been my favorite shows. I admit, half the reason I started doing this was that Charmed came out in 1998 (when I was 8) and I loved it. But I've always hidden magick books in that attic and stuff. It's always been my room, complete with my secret clothes and name and books and religion. Yeah, I mean, all our Christmas decorations and other decorations are in the basement (which I won't go in), so no problem there. Yet I've been a good girl since the day I started, 7 years ago, on my birthday, and kept going to Catholic school in my perfect uniform and went to church. Nope, no one would think I'm a rebel Pagan. I had Jordan at first, so I was fine. And when she moved, I got along ok. I had my share of insults and fights with my parents (I steer clear of them now.) but I'm fine.
Hey, I'm sure you keep a secret, so it's not like I'm different in that.
Blessed Be,
-Ginny/Adonia Celia Malachite