8Smoke twirls out of the charred cigarette butts and spirals through the hazy air. The room has a strange orange tinge to it from the rust coloured lampshades.
My vision is blurred at the edges.
JD lies motionless on the floor, one leg under the coffee table. He twitches and mumbles something every once in awhile. I just stare.
Sadie and Ryan are sprawled out on a brown beanbag chair pawing at each other. Sadie's high-pitched giggle rings through the room like a siren. She keeps swatting Ryan's roaming hands away but he doesn't give up on her belt buckle. I can't stop staring. She reaches around Ryan's neck and takes a puff of her joint. She sees me watching and winks.
Megan's feet are resting in my lap like a puppy. Her socks are red with pink polka dots. They swirl around in front of me. I'm vaguely aware of Ryan and Sadie getting up and disappearing into JD's room.
This could be any day of the week. I could be anywhere. It's all the same to me now. JD's basement is the closest thing I have to a real escape. Here I don't have to be anyone, I can just exist, if only partially.
My life is blurred around the edges. I travel aimlessly through it in a coked up daze. Sometimes it crosses my mind that I don't want to be like this but I just take another hit and that goes away.
I've come to realize I don't matter outside JD's basement. I could open the door at the top of the stairs and find nothing but a big, black void and I wouldn't care. It might as well be empty anyway.
The only thing that gets to me are my parents. It doesn't matter how wasted I am or how many days I spend without going or even calling home, they never seem to notice. They are of the philosophy that giving a teenager the space and freedom to make his own mistakes will make him an all around stronger individual. The problem with that is I'm not making mistakes. I know exactly what I'm doing when I pop tablets of Ecstasy or drink so much that I end up passed out of some girl's pool table. I'm seeing how far I can push them, how much they'll put up with before they do something.
I'm sick of their excuses.
'We're just trying to give you your freedom.'
'We want you to live you own life.'
'Learn your own lessons.'
The only thing I'm learning is that my parents don't give a shit where I am or what I'm doing. All I can say is at least I have my friends.
Megan is asleep. She's breathing loudly through her mouth. I stare at her lips blankly.
Am I dead?
No, but I'm on the edge of life.
I stare; at the ancient Atari games stacked up in the corner and at the brown mystery stain on the flowery pillow under Megan's head. She looks so peaceful. She gets like that when she's been smoking weed. Her eyes will droop, her smile will fade and she'll just drift off to sleep. It's like cough medicine to her.
Suddenly she kicks a foot up and clips me in the chin and I bite my tongue. I don't feel the pain; I just have the coppery taste of blood in my mouth. It's so quiet. All I can hear is Megan's breathing and the faint squeak of bedsprings coming from JD's room.
I stare at my wobbly reflection in the television. I look droopy and weak. My arms hang at my sides like deflated balloons.
I'm blurry around the edges. I'm not even sure if that is me in the mirror or the person I'm forcing myself to be. I'm seventeen and I have a cocaine addiction. I snort at least twice a day and it never does a thing. It doesn't make my parents notice me, it doesn't miraculously make me irresistible to Megan and it doesn't make me clear, even to myself. I'll always be blurry. I can always feel the drug taking some of me with it when it leaves my system. Soon, I'll be totally transparent and I have no one to blame but myself.
The ceiling fan squeaks.
I stare.
Sadie and Ryan emerge from the bedroom looking disheveled.
Megan snores.
Ryan sits on JD's chest and slaps him a few times. Nothing.
Sadie giggles as she takes out a tube of deep red lipstick. She outlines Megan's mouth and eyes with it. Megan swats at Sadie but doesn't open her eyes. Sadie just laughs.
JD doesn't move. He doesn't breathe, but we don't notice.
I squeeze myself in beside Megan and fall asleep. I dream about potatoes falling from the sky and chickens wearing tutus. Even my dreams are blurry like an old black and white movie.
Megan's face is inches from mine when I wake up. She still has lipstick all over her face. She opens her eyes suddenly and stares at me. Her eyes are the colour of the ocean when you see it from an airplane, foggy blue with bits of green.
She kisses me quickly, impulsively and sits up as if it never happened. I'll never forget it.
'JD hasn't moved,' she says. 'He doesn't look too good.'
'Does he ever?' I ask.
She ignores me,
She calls out his name and he doesn't respond. No more mumbling or twitching. He is still. Megan is scared. I feel her tense up next to me.
Suddenly Sadie is shaking JD. His head bobs from side to side like a rag doll. Ryan stands over him looking nervous.
'Maybe we should leave,' he suggests.
'We can't leave him here like this,' Megan objects.
'He'll sleep it off,' I say but it echoes throughout the room, never reaching anyone's ears.
Ryan is yanking on Sadie's arm. She won't stand up. She is running her fingers through JD's blond hair absentmindedly.
We all know.
We all stare.