1-Chapter 1-
The wind. Can you feel it?
I could feel the whispers floating around my head as I slowly walked towards the field. The reeds seemed to hover over the ground, all moving together in a hypnotizing dance. All I could do was breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So many things. So many complications.
I stared at the ring on my finger. It was large and 'beautiful', as people would coo and gush. The diamond glinted in the bright sunlight, and it was all I could do to hold the tears back. This wasn't what I wanted. Nothing was.
I stared at the sky. It was so clear. The silence and stillness seemed so right. But I felt so wrong.
I was dark. I was different.
I was different.
~*~
-First Day of School, 2000-
I loved him.
I loved him so much it hurt. Just watching him leave after school was enough to tear my heart to pieces. You can only imagine how I was when he would talk to another girl. Even if it was asking for directions to a classroom, as he frequently seemed to do.
I knew his name, I knew his class, I knew his cell number, and I had his favorite color and store all memorized. You can even say I went as far as knowing his parent's names. I loved drawing him, just catching every expression he showed, it all was so deep to me. I would stare at him, and lock his image in my mind, frantically trying to sketch it out on paper.
Crazy? Obsessed? Psychotic? Yes, I guess you can call it that, but what I call it is love. Pure love. His smile melted me, his laugh lifted me up, his tears brought me down. Every single thing he did affected me in every single cliché way possible. The first time he talked to me, all I could do was stare into his beautiful eyes and stutter.
"Um, excuse me? How do I get into this classroom?" He had said, holding out a paper filled with a schedule of classes.
The witty reply of "Oh! That's the same class I'm headed! I'll walk with you there!" that I had in mind, translated into, "B-b-bleeerggggh."
"Come again?" He asked me, the most adorable look of confusion plastered on his face.
"T-that's my claa..." MY words faded as I tried to remember what 'class' meant again.
"Oh, it's your next class?" A beautiful smile spread across his face. "Great! Then we can walk there together!"
I numbly nodded my head, still amazed that I was actually breathing the same air he was. I was holding my books so tight, my knuckles were white, and an ear-to-ear grin was stretched across my face.
I was walking with Kim Tae-Woo. ::SQUEEEAAL!:: To a class that we had together. ::SQUEEEEEEEEAL!:: We were going to be in the same room for an entire 45 minutes. I was ready to faint. I was going to heaven. I was going to math class. Afasdfhaposrkjds.
We had sat together, it being his first week of school. He was here to study Korean (Although I thought his Korean was perfect) and I had spotted him on the first day. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I had asked everyone about him, who he was, where he came from, his past, his present, and most importantly, -was he taken?!-
::sigh:: Thankfully he wasn't. But that didn't stop me from worrying about any others that would become as mesmerized as I was. I tracked down every girl that seemed to like him, and did little...Only slightly evil...Things...To them...
-Anyways,- here I was, in Math class, sitting next to him. He probably had his schedule changed, since something had gone wrong with the computer system, the secretary had gone crazy and changed the classes around. Thank you oh controller of all electricity! I'll have to make you a monument later.
The lesson was being told, but I didn't hear a word of it. I had probably mentally slapped myself so many times, I was going to slap myself for real. Was this a dream? Was it?
"Han NaYoung!" A blackboard eraser slammed into my head, and I snapped up. "Yes!"
"Come up and show the class this problem!"
"Yes Mrs. Lee!" I stumbled up and clumsily made my way up to the front. Shaking, only slightly mind you, I managed to make my way through the class without making a complete fool of myself.
After the bell had rung, Tae-Woo caught me in the hallway. "Thanks for helping me." He flashed me a little smile, and I beamed back. Just as I was about to reply, his friend called him from the other end of the hall, and he yelled back. "Sorry, I gotta go. I'll catch you later-..."
"NaYoung! Han NaYoung." I sputtered out.
He grinned. "I'll catch you later NaYoung, see you tomorrow in class again!" With that he was gone.
Days passed, and we became pretty good friends. Weeks passed, and we became very good friends. Months passed, and we became inseparably close friends, and by the next year, when we both became 3rd years, we had become lovers.
"Youngee!" I slammed my locker shut before I was met with hard-breathing Tae Woo as he reached me. Holding up a list of names, he gave a me a quick peck on the cheek. "I've got great news!- Wait, but tell me about your art contest!"
"It was good, but first tell me your good news!" I put my hand to my mouth. "No way- Don't tell me!-"
"Yes! I made it into the choir!" He gave a relieved laugh. "I was so worried about it."
I gave him a happy hug. "I cant believe it, I'm so happy for you! We have to go celebrate." And that, is how we went into the restaurant that fateful night.
The day before, my best friend, Hee-Sun and I had stayed up late talking on the phone. "Tonight is the night." She had said firmly. "You have to tell him that you're leaving!"
I had stubbornly shook my head. I couldn't tell him. Not yet. I had to spend my last with him in a special way. I was burning memories into my mind, and cherishing every moment. No, not yet.
"But, he used to live in the states, right? Maybe he can teach you some English before you leave-"
"Hee-sun, I'll tell him when I tell him, alright?"
"But all you're going to do is break his heart! Why don't you think of his feelings?!"
That had left me silent. When my parents had broken the news to me, I had been silent too. I did not want to move. But my family was prestigious and wealthy. We have to live up to our name. My father has to become president. All that reputation crap that drove me crazy. I had accepted the news now, and was cherishing life here in Korea as if I had a terminal illness.
~*~
As soon as we walked in the restaurant, something didn't feel right. A sense of dread filled in me, and something held me back.
"What's wrong?" Tae-Woo had asked, seeing my hesitation to enter the restaurant. It looked harmless. Hee-Sun had recommended it. She knew the best places around. Then what was this unsettling feeling in my stomach?
"Nothing." I shook my head, smiled, and took his hand. "Lets go in!"
As soon I as I walked in, I realized my discomfort. It was the slight smell of smoke. "Is something wrong in the kitchen?" I asked a waiter who was passing by.
"Oh, its nothing, just a small fire that the cooks will put out in moments. Can I get a table for you?"
So we were seated, and I eagerly brought the subject of his audition up.
"Tell me every detail." I had said.
"Well," Tae-Woo took a sip of him water. "I walked in, and was nervous as hell, but the teacher was really nice, and she helped me into a chair and had everyone warm up their voices."
I got lost into the warmth of his voice, the way his eyes would only look at me, and how he would calmly sip as his water. I was lost. I didn't notice how people were frantically beginning to move around, and how the air around the entire restaurant was becoming tense and hot. It was until Tae-Woo was looking around, asking what was wrong, that I realized that everyone was roused up. "What's wrong?" I asked a passing lady who was putting on her jacket and running out.
"The fire has spread!" She said frantically, grabbing her husband. The waiters were ushering the people out, and I grabbed Tae-Woo's hand. It was then I noticed the smoke billowing from the 'employees only' door. Fire.
I was about to speak him when a large explosion knocked me to the wall. I lost my grip on his hand. "Tae-Woo!" I screamed, scrambling, up, but the throbbing in my head pulling me back down. It was a frenzy of terrified children and adults, running everywhere. Then out of nowhere, Tae-Woo was there, pulling my body to his, and we rushed towards the exit.
Then the second explosion burst the breath out of me. Tae-Woo and I were lifted up and thrown against chairs, and I felt an unbelievable pain in my right arm. Gasping at the searing pain, I saw Tae-Woo was in a worse condition. His lips had been cut, and there was blood seeping from underneath his hair.
"Tae-Woo..." I reached up to touch his face, and his eyes slowly opened.
"NaYoung,-" He turned and had a series of coughs, of which blood spurted out of his mouth. "Your arm, you're drawing arm. How will you draw your beautiful pictures for me?"
I gave a small smile. He would think of such frivolous things when he was in so much pain. "It's alright Tae-Woo, it'll heal. Just be careful with your voice, so you can sing for me, okay?"
He simply lifted up his arm slowly, and caressed my face, his other hand grabbing mine. I could feel them shaking, I could feel pain. "I love you." I managed to whisper. He smiled and squeezed my hand, mouthing the same to me, and I leaned down and touched his forehead with my lips.
Immediately I knew I had to do something. I lifted my head, and saw other people that had been blown to the wall, the counter, and to any other stable object. I slowly got up, the pain still in my arm, and limped to the closest phone. Dailing 911, I began to explain the situation and the address. Then I dropped the phone and slid down next to TaeWoo, exhausted. Talking made me exhausted. Moving made me exhausted. Everything seemed so...so...
~*~
The day was January 18, 2001, when a gas explosion happened at the famous Goyu restaurant, killing 12 people, and leaving double of that injured, result of poor attention to a harmless fire.
I remember walking aimlessly through hospital corridors, still unbelieving.
"Kim Tae-Woo had died of severe head injuries, about an hour ago. I'm sorry, we did all we could."
It couldn't be true. He was mine. He was unbreakable, he couldn't die.
I remember I couldn't even lift my right arm to wipe my tears. It was numb. I remember not feeling anything. I just walked and walked and walked.
NO! My head screamed. NO! My heart screamed. Everything was so wrong. We were supposed be in love. We were supposed to get married, and raise beautiful children together. We were supposed to,-
I stopped, and faced the wall, and suddenly rammed my fist into it, shocking the nurses and doctors nearby. I saw Hee-Sun just look at me worriedly, as she had done for the past week.
Why? What is this? Why is this so- so, -wrong-?!
I slid to the floor, sobbing. My body racked with the tears, and my face was streamed with wet salty water. I kept punching the wall over and over again. Tae-Woo, Tae-Woo, this is so wrong, so wrong.
I looked up to see nurses grabbing my arms, and dragging me away from the dented spot on the wall.
"Help...Mental therapist...Counseling..." Those were the words being mumbled around me. Therapy? Counseling? I didn't need any of those. I needed Tae-Woo.
But he was gone. He is gone.
~*~
-2004, Three Years Later-
I'm here again. Where the wind blows free, where I was born, where my soul will be forever. Korea seemed so different to me. So many memories.
I walked until I reached a slight mound, where I slowly sat down, and set a small flower in front of a large stone.
"I'm sorry Tae-Woo. I'm sorry." I fingered the tablet, where it read his name and the dates he was born and died. Just like that. He was another thing in the ground.
The thought made my eyes burn and I drew my left hand back. My right one was useless now. The veins had been severed and even expensive and long surgery couldn't heal me.
But the ring was still on it.
"I'm so sorry!" I collapsed on the grave. "My parents- my future- everyone!" I was screaming now. "Tae-Woo, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
How long had it been, minutes? Hours? I slowly got up, and kissed my hand, touching it to the grave.
"I'll love you forever."
And with that, I left Korea, left Tae-Woo, and went back to where I had been studying for the past years. Went back to my fiancé in America.
~*~
^ ^ Hehe, I know it's kind of weird, and it may seem a bit rushed, but it's just started! :D Muahaha! Please tell me what you think about it~ (