3-
It was the first time she had seen Tessa dance.
The dance- no, Tessa dancing- was magical. It was as if she fell into the music. She spun and twirled, whirling in ever-faster circles, her hands moving gracefully about her, and Katie could almost feel the joy Tessa felt in her actions. It was obvious in her every movement, from the way she held her hands to the way her eyes sparkled. Even if Katie hadn't known that she loved it, she would have been able to tell.
But, obviously, she had known; Tessa had been her best friend for years. Katie just hadn't had the time to see her dance before this, and now she felt sorry for that fact. Even as she fell into thought, her eyes trailed Tessa across the stage, watching her every movement.
Tessa's black hair had fallen out of its bun, and it trailed behind her in its own erratic dance. Katie had helped put that hair up in its bun earlier in the day, brushing the gleaming locks, admiring the way they fell all the way down to Tessa's waist.
"I wish I had hair like yours," She had sighed, fingering her own short brown locks, "But I always seem to think of the perfect new haircut just as my hair is getting longer." Katie frowned at the normalcy of that moment, now; now, when her whole world seemed to be falling apart. So much had changed since that morning! Was it really just that morning?
Tessa and she had laughed at her complaint. "Katie, all you need is some self control," Tessa had said, in her beautiful, light voice, "But that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon." Tessa's eyes had sparkled mischievously; and, now, Katie couldn't help but stare at the girl's face, tracing the pattern of its image in her mind's eye.
She could picture her face even at this distance. She had brilliant blue eyes, with long, dark lashes and thin, elegant brows. A pretty, rounded mouth; like a delicate, red flower. It had a tendency to curve into laughing smile, and Katie found her own lips quirking upwards in answer.
After a moment the smile fell away. Tessa might never smile at her again. She suppressed a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. Why, oh, why, had she told Tessa? It wasn't even anything important, just a little thing, but it had come out all wrong, and Tessa had stared at her in shock. She had run out of Tessa's room, then, afraid that she might soon see disgust replace the surprise, and that was something she would never be able to bear- not in those perfect, gorgeous, beautiful eyes; not directed at her!
Now, she finally broke down, sobbing quietly. She silently thanked her brother for getting her a seat away from others, in a balcony. She drew her knees up to her chin, the hot tears rolling down her cheeks. Why had she been so stupid? So stupid as to think that maybe- but no, that would never happen, and she had been an idiot to think that it was even a possibility.
Even now, her eyes followed Tessa's graceful form across the stage, entranced by the beauty of her dance. It was almost as if Tessa had been taken away to another world- some heaven unknown to the rest of the human race- and all that was left behind was her body, which could only follow her spirit as it danced its ecstasy. It was as if she was just dancing her emotions, instead of following a carefully choreographed pattern, as Katie knew she was. She had been practicing for hours every day for weeks for this moment.
Katie wondered if Tessa knew she was here, watching. Probably not. She had promised to look and see if Katie was here, but after Katie had- if anything, Tessa had probably looked to make sure Katie WASN'T there.
Even as she watched, Tessa appeared to collapse onto the stage. Hurt? What- Katie started to stand, her heart and breathing seeming to stop for the hours- no, it was only a few seconds- that Tessa lay there, seemingly unconscious or-
Tessa lifted herself off of the floor and continued to dance. It had all been part of the routine. Katie collapsed into her seat, her heart resuming its usual job- although it was beating harder than usual, as if it wanted to jump out of her chest and go to Tessa.
Katie forced herself to calm down. Her tears had calmed in the face of her fear for Tessa, and she made herself think back to what had happened earlier. What had gone wrong? She had just wanted to tell Tessa how beautiful she was. Tessa never believed Katie when she said that she thought Tessa was beautiful- Tessa always just rolled her eyes, saying, "You're just trying to make me feel better," or something like that. So this time, Katie wanted to describe her beauty to her, make her SEE. So she set out on the hopeless task of describing Tessa's beauty.
It came out all wrong, but she continued trying to find the right words anyway. It was impossible. Tessa couldn't- wouldn't- see.
Finally she had gotten frustrated by Tessa's disbelief, and had snapped, "Just try to understand, okay?! I honestly think you're beautiful! Why can't you believe that? You are! At the very least, try seeing yourself through my eyes! Imagine yourself through the eyes of someone who-" Why had she SAID that?! It was too painful to finish the sentence, now, even in her own mind.
Even though she had finished it earlier.
How COULD she?! How could she have SAID that?! *'Idiot!'* She chastised herself, *'You never should have said that! The way it came out was wrong! It wasn't even true! I don-'* She suddenly paused in her reprimand, and stopped to think, her brows screwing together in concentration. After a moment, her eyes widened, "Oh, GOD..." She whispered, pain and horror filling her voice. "Oh, no... ANYthing but that... please, God... whatever god is out there... don't make it be true. PLEASE." She pleaded, sounding desperate, her voice soft enough not to be heard over the music.
The same music that was now entering the closing notes, as, on the last chord, Tessa sank to her knees- yet another part of the choreographed pattern. The lights faded into black as the curtains closed.
*'It doesn't make sense. It'd never happen! It can't! It's impossible! I don't feel that way!
'Girls don't fall in love with other girls!'*
-
Tessa felt exhilarated, as she always did when dancing. But something was nudging at the back of her mind.
What had Katie meant earlier that day? The first thought to slip into her mind had been the obvious one- that Katie was saying something that Tessa had only ever heard directed to her in her best dreams. And though she secretly hoped, in her deepest of hearts, she had never really expected to hear Katie say it to her- So, naturally, as soon as her mind had cleared she had realized that Katie COULDN'T have meant that, and, in fact, hadn't even actually SAID 'that'. It was just Tessa's sinful mind turning around Katie's words.
But then Katie had gotten that look on her face- horrified, as if she really HAD meant what she said, just hadn't meant to say it. And then Katie had run, before Tessa had been able to ask her what she meant. Tessa noted that her hair had fallen out of its bun. It had been a reminder, in a way, that Katie was her friend- or she had been, if she wasn't too embarrassed to speak to Tessa from now on.
Or maybe she had somehow seen what Tessa felt for her in Tessa's face, after Katie had said the wrong thing by accident- because it WAS just a slip of the tongue; she hadn't meant it THAT way.
Tessa cursed mentally, realizing that she wasn't paying attention to what she was doing, and had almost slipped up. She would get a lecture about that later from her teacher.
Why was her heart so traitorous? It pushed thoughts of Katie- beautiful, kind, lovely Katie- into her mind at all hours, no matter what she was doing. It was distracting; as soon as Katie came into her head, her brain filled up with unvoiced compliments, hidden fears, and uncontrollable emotions.
And now, distracted AGAIN, she slipped and fell, barely managing to catch herself and disguise it as part of the dance. As she rose back up, she thought she caught a movement in one of the balconies. Curious, the next time her dance allowed her to look in that direction, she glanced up. Her eyes widened, and her lips curved into a half-smile as she recognized the presence of the subject of her thoughts. So Katie had come, after all! Just the knowledge of her 'friend's attendance boosted her adrenaline and concentration so much that she did the next few steps of the dance better than she ever had before. Maybe Katie didn't hate her after all! Her secret feelings had been haunting her for weeks without Katie knowing, but after today she had been afraid that the secret was out. Now, she was filled with fresh hope- Maybe Katie didn't know! Or even better, maybe Katie had meant what she said. No- she mustn't think that way- she shouldn't get her hopes up, as they would in all probability just be dashed to the ground after the show. The ever-present pain returned to her soul, making her feel as if she would burst apart in pain.
The last few notes of the song played, ending in a sad, quiet chord that fit Tessa's mood almost perfectly. She dropped to her knees in an un- choreographed move that nevertheless fit the song, dance, and her frame of mind, completely.
The curtain closed, and she reached up to brush a tear off of her cheek.
*'It will never happen, Tessa. It can't. It's impossible! She doesn't feel that way.
'Girls don't fall in love with other girls...'*
-
Katie, fiddling with the back of her shirt, knocked as quietly as possible on Tessa's door. *'If she doesn't hear me, I'll leave. If she does, I'll talk to her...'* Katie bargained with herself. She was scared out of her wits that Tessa might hate her, but she knew that if she didn't talk to her now she would be up all night crying.
After a moment of no response, she turned to leave. "Come in!" Tessa called. She sounded shaky, as if she had been crying, or was very angry.
Katie took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for what might happen, then tentatively turned the knob. What met her eyes was the last thing she had expected- Tessa didn't look angry at all. On the other hand, that didn't mean that Tessa was exactly jubilant to see her, either. Tessa looked miserable, with red eyes and a wet face, like she had been crying.
As if to prove this fact, Tessa wiped the back of her sleeve across her face, angrily. "Just to let you know, I HAVEN'T been crying." She muttered, glaring at the floor.
Katie almost smiled- almost. But then she, too, turned her gaze towards the ground. "Are you angry at me?" She finally forced herself to inquire, her voice barely a whisper.
Tessa looked up at her, shocked. "Why would I be mad at YOU?!" She asked, her voice gaining volume in her surprise, "I thought YOU were mad at ME!" *'Oh, thank God...'*
Katie shook her head mutely. Tessa wasn't mad at her? Thank God! She almost felt that she could dance. As it was, she laughed out loud, "Why would I be mad at YOU?"
"Well... You ran off so quickly..." Tessa murmured vaguely. She couldn't possibly say why she had thought Katie was angry. It would just make everything worse. "Why would I have been mad at you?"
"Well... I ran off so quickly..." The two laughed at that, but after a moment, Tessa thought of something she needed to ask Katie.
"Why did you 'run off so quickly' anyway?"
Katie froze, the smile dropping off her face. "I- well- I-" She panicked, her mind going blank. "I was scared you'd be mad!" She finally broke out.
"We already got pas-" Tessa stopped and thought, "Oh. You left because you thought I'd be mad?"
Katie nodded mutely, turning her face away from Tessa. Her eyes sparkled, and her forehead creased.
Tessa reached out, and gently turned Katie's face towards her. "Why were you afraid that I'd be mad?" Katie tried to pull away, starting to cry, but Tessa forced her to meet her steady gaze. "Was it something I said?" Katie shook her head, the tears falling thick and fast. "Was it something you said?" Katie closed her eyes, trying to pull away again. Tessa let her go, but wrapped her arm around Katie's shoulders in a comforting gesture.
"It's okay, Katie. You can talk to me. What did you say that you thought would upset me?" Tessa forced her voice to remain steady, "Was it the thing you said about seeing myself?"
Katie nodded, a sob escaping her throat. *'What am I thinking? Why am I doing this? I can't tell her! I can't!'*
"Was it the part about love?" Tessa's voice shook. *'What am I thinking? Why I am I doing this? I can't let her find out! I can't!'*
Katie spoke in a whisper. "Yes. It..." Katie trailed off, burying her face in Tessa's shoulder, "It came too close to the truth. I was scared." The words were forcing themselves out of her throat. It was as if Tessa was pulling them out of her.
All she wanted was to stand there with Tessa's arm around her forever. She felt as if she was surrounded by warmth and concern. It was... indescribable. She knew that if that warmth disappeared, she would spend the rest of her life searching for it. Her entire world was centered in Tessa- anything Tessa asked her to do, she would do. She felt like she had been lost for her whole life, and she had just been found. She felt as if she had been falling and been caught.
She felt as if she had fallen into a black whole of warmth and security and her will power had been taken away from her. She never wanted to escape.
If she had had any sense left, she would have stopped talking then. As it was, the tiny part of her saying that she would regret this was ignored. Though she was afraid that Tessa would hate her, she continued to speak, angry with herself all the while.
"I was afraid that you'd realize that I had..." Her voice trailed off. The part of her that was afraid choked up her throat and made her stop speaking. Fear filled her. What if...?
"Katie," Tessa prompted, her heart filling with forbidden hope, "What were you afraid of?"
"I was afraid you'd realize that I'd fallen in love with you!" Katie screamed, pulling away from Tessa. "Are you happy now? See? I told you! Hate me now if you want, but I- I- I-" Katie moaned, and curled into a ball on the floor. Sobs wracked her fragile form.
Tessa sat down next to her and wrapped her up in a hug, "Is that true?" She whispered, hope sneaking its way into her voice.
Katie laughed bitterly, "If it wasn't, I wouldn't have said it, now would I?"
Tessa forced her to look at her, "Good." She stated, smiling, "I feel the same."
And before Katie could respond, she drew her into a kiss.
*'Perfect.'*
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My first finished romance, and the third story I've finished in my whole life. I hope you liked it.