Existence Exit

- By Froberg

As I stand here, waiting for the sun to set, I can't help but to ponder at the things that have occurred to our little world. To think that it could change in such radical manner leaves me mystified and puzzled. In half an hour, it will be over. Everything we worked for, all our dreams and every unrealised wish. It will end. There are no longer people who deny this fact. As the sun turns red, revealing its last glances, people are falling to their knees. At least the ones who have retained their faith do. Not a lot of people have, though. It began five months ago when we were told that apocalypse would be now. I'm not sure if everybody believed in it the first time every single channel announced it. Maybe not the second time either. However, as time went by people got used to the idea. Within the month, people were quitting their jobs.

I sigh as I realize that this was the first step towards the world as it is now. Another human sneaks up to me and attempts to attack. I manage to dodge him, and I shoot him with my trusted gun. Carefully, I pet it enjoying the smooth surface. We've been good friends the last couple of months. I take a piece of salted meat in my bag. I feel no disgust when eating it. I would have once.

As people quit their jobs, civilisation revealed its fragile nature. Since everybody had their lifesavings ready, prices began going up. The stores no longer received food since there were no drivers to deliver it. Prices were raised even more I guess that's what caused the world to go in this direction. I decide to go sit down. My watch isn't lying. This sunset will be the last. The sun won't rise again. I don't know if it will hurt, but I know that nobody will make it though the night. We knew life wouldn't be eternal. We knew it would end some day.

Did she love me? I don't know. It's too late now, anyway. I curse myself for not telling her how I felt. We could have had fun. Maybe not forever but at least for a while. If she reciprocated my love, that is. I don't know if she did. I only know I fell in love with her the moment I saw that smile. Then again, if she had been with me when the hunger took over…

I sit here sighing heavily. I have a cigarette saved for today but it only makes me cough. I keep puffing though. We own the earth now. Humans. The animals are all gone. Even the insects were devoured by the hungry, starved people. I remember the joy I used to feel when finding a cockroach. It was food; it was able to stall death for a while. A tear reaches the corner of my eye. The sun will disappear in less than fifteen minutes. Then existence will no longer exist. But that's not what caused the tear. No, I remember my mother, my sister and even my father. I haven't given them much thought lately. I've been struggling to survive instead. They didn't deserve what happened.

I look at my pack and take some of the salted meat. I throw it away. I just wanted to survive, was that so horrible? Does the lack of justice really justify my actions? I sigh. Yes it does. I'm a survivor. They weren't. I saw the future a little clearer than they did. The gun used to belong to my father. Now it's mine. I took it from the closet one day. No, it was the drawer. I think it was. I'm not sure. For some reason, I don't recall that night all that well. We were all very hungry. My mother thought it would get better. That food would arrive to the stores soon. It never did. From where I'm sitting, I can see the ruined city. It doesn't look ruined, no, but I know what it is. It's gone. Whatever used to be is gone now. It's just buildings. People don't live in them like they used to.

In a way, humanity is already gone. Now, it depends on how you define 'humanity'. In ten minutes, it won't depend on anything. This planet and everything on it will be erased. I take a bite of the dried meat. It's too salty but I don't want to die hungry. I should be disgusted, but I'm not. I don't know what I am anymore. I wanted to survive. That's why I'm eating. I know there's no way to survive, but I ate to live through these last five months. Does that make me evil? Maybe it does. I don't think so but maybe.

The girl that I loved. I never saw her again. From the moment I took that gun, she disappeared from my mind. I had access to food. Something happens to you when you starve. Everything becomes a blur and the blur becomes visions of food. That's what happened to me. That's why I should be dead instead of eating. I wasn't the first to do so. It had been weeks since we'd woken up only to hear a woman scream. We never discussed it again, yet the smell of barbeque rose so clearly from a house further down the street. Back then, we found it disgusting. However, as the weeks passed, we grew more jealous. He'd gotten food. Screw the source. He'd gotten food.

Five minutes left until I have to pay for my crimes. I have hell to look forward to. Maybe. I'm not sure. The more I look around me, I feel that I've seen it already. I found his gun that night. I weighed it in my hand and I liked it. The weight had a certain amount of power to it. It would make me feel almighty later. Right now, however, I felt nothing but hunger. I raced through the house to my parents' bedroom kicking the door in. They stared at me holding the gun. They must've understood what was going on. Less than three minutes later, I was eating out of their raw bodies. I ripped guts from the holes the gun had made. My face was buried in my mother's stomach as I chewed on her inner organs. As my bloody face looked up from the carcass I stared at the calendar on the wall. It wouldn't take long before we would all die.

I continued eating until I felt disgusted by my actions. I threw myself off their bodies and began crying. The tears mixed themselves with the blood covering my face. When I regained my senses, I noticed that I wasn't the only one crying. My baby sister was standing next to me. I pushed her away and closed the door. I quickly found a bag and filled it with my parents. It takes a while to eat a human. Even longer to eat two. I still carry the bag with me and I still eat from it on occasions. My sister quickly fled the house. I found her days later. There were small bones in my grandparents' garbage. I guess that was when I gave up. It wouldn't be safe to live near humans anymore. I fled the town. It wouldn't take long before the sun would burst anyway.

That time is now. I have ten seconds left before the end. I sit down enjoying the earth. However fragile civilisation had been, the earth had always been there. You could trust it. To be or not to be. I've heard it thousands of time but I understand it now. Either you are or you aren't. The question is whether or not you're willing to sacrifice what is needed to continue being.

The sun is more than red now. Soon, it will explode. I look at my watch and begin counting down. Goodbye, humanity. We parted long ago but this is final. When we face death, it all comes down to three horribly short words:

Three... Two... One.