Now, we all know that the Republicans are racists. They discriminate and divide people. They think that minorities don't need aid simply for having different skin colors. But here's the truth:

Minorities are unable to get jobs or scholarships by themselves. They need our help. There need to be a certain number of black people on a work force, or else the bosses are racist. Of course, being minorities, they are obviously poorer than the average white guy (because all white people are rich), so scholarships should be afforded to different racial groups rather than people with lower income.

Having full scholarships that only go to minority ethnic and religious groups is good. They need the help because they are of a different race. But a scholarship afforded only to whites (proposed by a Hispanic man, and worth a measly $250) is completely racist and only serves to divide people.


That being said, images that degrade minority religions are sick and wrong. A High School student wearing shirts that say, "fag" is intolerant and evil. If students wear such articles of clothing to school, they should be sent home and punished.

Pictures of Christ in a jar of human waste, and paintings of the Virgin Mary with elephant crap in the background are examples of tasteful, elegant art. Attempts to speak out against such things are fine examples of the Religious Right to suppress what they don't agree with (an act you'll never see the left doing). A High school student wearing an inverted Crucifix is highly imaginative and should not be censored.

Students like the above named one are often accused of seeking attention. But we are really not. We just want to send a message to the conformists (or, as we call them, 'preps', which totally makes them want to be part of our dark and highly envied lifestyle): If you dress similarly to your friends, you are a fool: a conformist. If you want to stop conforming, you must dress in all black, and listen to the same music we do.

Medical Sciences:

Another example of the Religious Right trying to stop progress: they oppose stem-cell research. What kind of bigoted racist would oppose something that could help people (even if it requires the death of babies)?

But what the hell is up with Animal testing? Testing medications on animals is horrible, and should be stopped immediately! Who cares if it'll help people! Oh, and genetically engineered food! Sure, it could help to grow food and millions of starving people all over the world, but it's wrong (because, even though there is proof against it, "Franken-food" will mutate the people who eat it)!

Clearly, the conservatives are bastards for opposing this medical advancement (even if dead babies must be used). Sure, we oppose not one – but two advancements that could save millions of people, but we're obviously right. Humans should be used to test potentially dangerous medications, not animals. After all, human lives are expendable (when it comes to saving the animals, not freeing other humans from an oppressive dictatorial regime).

Republicans often use lies and scare-tactics for people to vote their way, so we, therefore, had the responsibility to tell people that the lame would walk if John Kerry was elected, and that their children would be drafted and sent off to die if Bush was.

Speaking of lies:

Religion: Now, we're not talking about religion in general, just the Abramic religions (you know, Islam, Xianity and Judaism). Anything other than that isn't tolerant. Even though these three religions believe in an all-powerful God who has restrictions andcan smite them for their sins, they're really just ways for people to be comforted (ignoring the fact that the only way we would pick a religion is if it promised daisies, world peace, and let us do whatever we want).

And all their holy books speak of God as having a male persona. How sexist is that? I mean; it would be better if God were a woman.

Films such as the Passion of the Christ are sickening, horribly done drivel, even if they evoke such emotion that the audience stay plastered to their seats five minutes after the movie finishes. Xians (because spelling "Christ" in the word might damage my fingers) who watch a depiction of the hardships of their Savior really just want to depress themselves so they can mope and whine about the world's "sins" (see, the quotations completely invalidate everything the word stands for).

But watching plot devoid independent films with crappy scripts, sound and production values about gay couples and their constant struggle to fight homophobia is a far better way to spend your time (because everyone who doesn't believe in same-sex marriage goes on a daily gay bashing. Also, they hunt children for sport).

The Religious Right in this country has done all it can to oppress everyone else. "under God" violates the First Amendment, which states that there shall be no law respecting a religious establishment. Of course, having "under God" in the Pledge isn't a law per se, and technically is legal…but still: separation of Church and State!

Michael Newdow is a respectable human being, because he wants to do what's right by his daughter. Saying "under God" (which she and her mother don't mind her saying) can damage her for life. Of course, being singled out at school and enduring national media coverage because of her father's actions is what every child needs.

The government simply should not have anything to do with religious observances…you know, unless it's those days we get off for Yom Kippur and Christmas (a federal holiday).

The truth is, all religious people are weak. After all, it takes a weak person to resist temptation and abstain from sex and other actions in favor of your convictions. It takes a strong person to give in and do whatever the hell they want. That's what true strength is.

All these Christians, Jews, and Muslims only believe in their God because someone told them to. It's not like they really believe these things, and they align their beliefs with those of others. My proposal to all you sheep: stop thinking like conservatives, because, to be thinking for yourselves, you need to be thinking like us. Otherwise, you'll remain mindless sheep.

Corporations: Uh...the corporations...the corporations get all corporation-y because they like to corporation on everything, and they make money with their corporate corporation-like schemes...and they, uh, TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH! That's right!

The corporations are composed of fools and an artistic filmmaker has gone to great lengths to expose them.

Michael Moore has done a perfect job. He is the Messiah; the long awaited holy one sent by the latest New Age Spiritual Icon (this icon can be a plurality of things. After all, having set beliefs for a religion is so 1950's. But it definitely is a goddess, this much we know).

His gospels include Stupid White Men and Dude, Where's My Country? His religion's films include Bowling For Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11: equivalents of Christianity's Passion of the Christ and King of Kings.

Anything he says is true, even though the arguments he presents in his books come from faulty online lists compiled by forty-seven year old feminists whose beaten up Japanese Cars (American companies and armpit shaving be damned) are coated with bumper stickers that espouse liberal thinking. They may include such cool phrases as "Eracism", "with liberty and Justice FOR ALL", and faded "VOTE BUSH OUT IN 04!" stickers that they attempted to peel off on Election Day so that the guys at work wouldn't remind them that their incessant ramblings over the past four years were in vain.

Republicans are evil people, in my opinion. I hope I've done as good a job as Michael Moore in exposing them. These are my views, and it's just how I feel. So please don't be offended (because saying that it's my opinion will hopefully cause you to overlook the fact that I've just thrown your beliefs down the toilet. It's the tolerant thing to do). Good night.

Go see Team America