I pretend that I don't care

I put on a mask that says I hate you all

And I do

Or at least I think I do

I've tried to convince myself for so long

I've almost succeeded

But it's hard sometimes, you know?

Sometimes I wish I could feel something

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to pretend

I wish I could be your friend

I wish I could just be myself

But that will never happen

Because I tried that before, didn't I?
You remember, don't you?

Or maybe you don't, I don't know

Maybe I'm just another nameless person to you

Yet another person you broke

Sure, I pretend it isn't true

I pretend you never meant anything to me

And you pretend I mean something to you now

But why? Why do you want me to give in?

So you can play me again?

Or so maybe this time we can really be friends?

Yeah right, forget it

I might not be the person I pretend I am

But I sure as hell don't need your pity friendship

You know, there was a time when you might have got me

But that time is over

And as much as I don't even want it to be true

It is

Because I screwed up, and you screwed up

And everyone and everything in my life is screwed up

And nothing will change what they did or you did

But none of this matters, does it?

Because you can't even hear me now

And I'll never tell you

So you can go on in your world

Thinking I'm . . . whoever you want to

And I'll pretend I don't care

And that nothing matters to me

Let alone you

Okay?

Hell, who cares anyway, right?

I sure don't

09-04-04