I'm awake again

In a state again

Your weren't asleep beside me

This time no pills in the jar

This time I want a resolution

An end.

Open the knife draw

clutch a blade.

Find a way.

The radiators off

And cold at my back

Your image sits and smiles up at me

Next to my broken reflection

I stutter cut



Its bittersweet.

Determined I cut deep.

Determined to strike a vein.


The knife falls

And the red river runs

Onto my lap

The floor


I feel nothing

But relief

Soon I'll be within that white void again

The cushioned bubble.

I'm numb.

As I envision the peace.

I stare at the candle.

Clinging to the darkness

Struggling for oxygen.

I smile a last smile.

The phones off the hook

The doors bolted shut

You missed my cry

For help

So I let go


faded into bleakness.