Trouble at KFC

"Are we nearly there?" Guy rubbed some lingering soot off his snout.

"No. We are not. These are pine trees, not palm trees," I replied irritably, waving at the dense forest just outside the car window. "Try asking again tomorrow."

"I must say, this is a lovely area. You know, the land around my place back home used to be like this, until some developers got a hold of it. Now its just hotels and condos as far as one can see. I wouldn't mind so much if all the damn tourists weren't so bothersome." Guy stuck his head out the window and the wind whistled through his scales.

"Uh huh. Bothersome tourists…" I vaguely registered what he said, but my mind was focused on more pressing matters. Like where we were going to spend the night. I was glad that I had had the sense to put my most recent paycheck from the grocery store in the bank the day before, but that still wouldn't be enough to pay for gas, food, and motels. I desperately wished I had remembered to throw a tent in the car.

"I'm hungry. When are we stopping to eat?" Guy asked eagerly.

"We aren't. I only have enough money for maybe one meal a day. And I ate already." I frowned at the thought of Guy in a steakhouse, pigging out on barbeque ribs while I searched my barren pockets for loose change.

"You may have eaten but I haven't. I just flew in from Europe-"

"What do you mean you haven't eaten? You were digging in my fridge back home." I interrupted, much to Guy's annoyance.

"Well, I tried to get something to eat. You made certain that I didn't." Guy fumed.

"Oh." I faltered, remembering the jerky I yanked out of his claws. My argument apparently a lost cause, I inquired, "What do you want to eat then?"

Guy pondered for a moment, then licked his scaly lips and turned to me with a gleam in his eye. "Chickens!"

"KFC it is," I said, and we took the next exit to Fairview. "Now, Guy, you can't get too much or I won't have enough money for everything else. So limit your order, okay?"

Guy apparently wasn't listening to me, for he was gazing out the window, humming happily and twirling his spiny tail in anticipation. Already he had spied the red and white KFC sign from the exit ramp, and soon began hopping around in his seat as it loomed nearer.

I parked and pulled out my wallet, carefully counting the bills and approximating my checking account funds in my head. It was difficult to do with Guy practically exploding next to me.

"Lets go! I'm famished!" Guy tugged impatiently at my arm.

"Hey, gimme a minute to figure this out…" I elbowed him off of me, and he settled grumpily back into the seat.

"That's it, I'll go on my own." He finally declared. Then he clambered up through the sunroof and ran to the building.

"Guy!" I called, but his tail was already disappearing behind the second set of glass doors. I gave up on the number crunching, slipping my wallet back into my pocket with an exasperated sigh, and I trudged along after the hyperactive, hungry dragon.

A wave of fast food smells hit me as I passed through the glass doors; the salty oils of deep fried, greasy delicacies masked the faint scent of multipurpose cleaner and mashed potatoes. I searched the room for the little dragon, but to my great concern there was no immediate sign of him. I wasn't very inclined to ask anyone standing in line by the registers if they had seen a miniature maroon dragon hanging around, so I wandered amongst the tables, searching as discreetly as possible. Soon enough, I spotted him.

He was seated in an empty booth, but the table before him was covered by three trays of food. He was hardly visible behind several boxes of popcorn chicken and a huge bucket of buffalo wings.

"I leave you on your own for five seconds and you're already stuffing your face." I mused. "Where did you get all this food?"

Guy peered between his food boxes at me after I sat down in the booth. Then he mumbled something unintelligible through a mouthful of chicken and pointed toward the register counters.

"Wait a minute, how can you order if you say no one can see you?" I asked skeptically. Guy swallowed a huge gulp of chicken and began to speak, but just then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and found myself facing a huge, hairy man in leather biker gear that looked about as happy as a bull that just got stuck by a matador.

"You got some explaining to do, wimp. And you better start talking now." He demanded angrily. I heard a scuffle as an employee hurried away from the table he had been wiping nearby to observe from a safer distance.

"Uh…" I glanced at Guy, who was staring with his mouth wide open, a forgotten buffalo wing plopping to the table from his limp jaws. I was at a loss, and Guy apparently wasn't going to be any help. I turned back to face the angry brute that towered threateningly over the table. "Look, I really don't know what you're upset about. I just got here."

"Oh, so I suppose that chicken just got here all by itself too." The man snarled.

"Guy, where did you get all this chicken?" I inquired under my breath, glancing at the petrified dragon.

"You got too much attitude for my liking, kid." The beastly man cracked his knuckles, and I felt all of the blood rush from my face as I realized the devastating error I'd made in wording my question. "Maybe I need to break those thievin' hands of yours to teach you a lesson."

"No, wait- I wasn't talking to you!" I desperately searched for a believable excuse, but two hairy fists shot out and grabbed me by the shirt before I had a chance to speak.

Big Brute yanked me close, drowning me in foul smelling breath. "If you value your health, you're gonna go order me and my buddies some more chicken." He spun me around to face the counter, and then I was launched forward by a vengeful shove that almost resulted in me doing a face plant onto the sticky tile floor.

I peeled myself off the ground and silently marched to the counter to place the order. I wasn't going to argue with a guy who was built like a brick wall and probably couldn't care less whether he got the chicken or got to pound me into hamburger. As for Gyquinius… I would deal with him later.

"What can I get for you?" The tired looking cashier inquired listlessly.

"Three popcorn chickens, one bucket of buffalo wings, two coleslaws, and eight biscuits." I numbly dished out my cash and walked back to the bikers' table with the order number in my hand.

I saw Brute stand up expectantly. "Here to receive your punishment?"

I slapped the order on the table and walked away, the bikers' raucous laughter following me all the way to the main doors where I saw Guy waiting quietly.