Scene 3

Narrator:More than a little freaked out now, the Chosen One continued her journey, deeper and deeper into the heart of this mysterious kingdom over which a terrible curse lay. A curse! (cough) Anyway, Snow White journeyed far until she reached the eaves of a great forest…

Curtains open again. Snow White is looking up into the towering branches of a great tree that is, in fact, probably completely imaginary. A sign nearby states "A Great Forest (Eaves)". While she is contemplating this imaginary tree, two children skip up, hand-in-hand, from the other side of the stage. Snow White jumps when she turns around and sees them standing behind her.

Snow White: Hello, creepy children. Where are you headed?

Gretel:(sweetly) Our stepmother has sent us into the woods to play with the bears.

Snow White: Well that was… nice.

Hansel:Don't worry – the Fairy Godmother said it would be ok!

Snow White: Oh dear. You're not Hansel and Gretel, are you?

Both kids nod.

Snow White: Ah. Well, have fun, and stay away from houses made entirely of sweets. That much sugar is bad for you. Oh, and being roasted in a furnace by a crazy old bat isn't that much fun either.

Gretel:So you're asking two deprived-looking children to stay away from a tonne of free sweets?

Snow White: That's about it, yeah.

Hansel:Right, well, thanks anyway. Bye!

They skip off into the imaginary forest.

Snow White: (musingly) And it looks like roasted child is back on the menu.

She follows Hansel and Gretel into the woods. Ping

Narrator:With that cheery thought fresh in her mind, Snow White entered the dark and scary forest on her way to the looming castle in which the prince was being held captive.

Dry ice smoke here if possible. Snow White comes back out of the wings and looks around the stage. Enter Little Red Riding Hood, clutching basket.

L.R.R.H.:Hello!

Snow White:(sighs) And you'd think there could only be so many kids in one forest. Are you going to visit your grandma, by any chance, strangely-dressed and annoyingly happy child?

L.R.R.H.:Yes! I have brought her this basket of gluten- and dairy-free goodies from my mother!

Snow White:Yeah, like I care. Can I advise you not to go traveling in dark and scary woods in the middle of the night? Firstly, it's dangerous and secondly, it's just a little weird.

L.R.R.H. looks just a little traumatised.

Snow White:(snaps) Oh, deal with it; your grandma'll live 'till morning and you can feed her your creepy little snacks then. Unless the wolf's already eaten her, of course.

L.R.R.H. looks even more traumatised.

(in an attempt at being reassuring) Which probably won't have happened anyway, so run along home now and get some sleep…

L.R.R.H. does run away. Very quickly. In tears. A high pitched cackle is heard from somewhere.

Snow White:(looking around) Oh good. Because this so isn't weird enough already. All I need now is an evil witch on my tail and –

Enter evil witch.

Witch:(rubbing hands together) Greetings, my pretty.

Snow White:(sighs) Hello.

Witch:So, what have you done with my ruby slippers?

Snow White:(confused) What?

Witch:My ruby slippers! Give them to me!

Snow White:Now this is just getting ridiculous. (points) You are in the wrong play.

Witch:Then this…?

Snow White:No.

Witch: (also confused) Oh. Never mind then. Sorry about that…

The misplaced witch leaves and Snow White heads in the opposite direction to find a way out of the dark and scary forest.