"You don't understand. You should understand! You of all people should know it's not that simple."

Sometimes

When we're together

Talking, laughing, you smiling

I think I should be writing you

Love poems

It's the evening when

I hate you

When your voice leaves my side

You sit alone, in your room

You text me

You're too scared to say it to me

I can see you on your

Purple bed

Your posters peering down at you

Phone clasped in your hands

Sucking your lips around your teeth

Biting the skin off your hands

You're thinner

The only reason you're not

Dangerously underweight

Is because you can't make yourself vomit

Your two fingers don't do their job

Please please please

I beg you, on the stupid

Unreal, tiny screen

Don't hurt yourself

Don't die; here I am begging you

You have control over whether or not

You tickle your pancreas with your hand

It's not that simple, I should know

You've lost another few pounds

You've cut yourself again

You're looking longingly at razor blades

You daft cunt

I keep on telling you I care

If you do this to yourself

If you die

If you die

I lie and stare at the ceiling

And picture you smiling

Dressed in your wonderfully

Ridiculously original clothes

Intelligently telling me

About Nietzsche, rock music, Plath,

Waugh, anorexia, self-harm

Pros and cons

We play our games

Bleep-bleep-bleep

It's you again

Your world is ending

My heart pounds

I want to hug you hold you shake you break you love you hate you

I say soothing things

The wrong things

Loving you only makes it worse

You're all alone inside your head

No one will ever really know you

In essence you're all you have

We're alone, I know

I close my eyes

I cry, not necessarily for you

During the day, when we're side by side

And you laugh at my words

And I at yours

When your soft lips pucker

At the slightest joke

When the sun slants in and makes our shadows

As long as the fake green tennis courts

When you look at me

Then I love you

Then it doesn't matter

That's all I have to hold onto

My midwinter butterfly