2"You don't understand. You should understand! You of all people should know it's not that simple."
Sometimes
When we're together
Talking, laughing, you smiling
I think I should be writing you
Love poems
It's the evening when
I hate you
When your voice leaves my side
You sit alone, in your room
You text me
You're too scared to say it to me
I can see you on your
Purple bed
Your posters peering down at you
Phone clasped in your hands
Sucking your lips around your teeth
Biting the skin off your hands
You're thinner
The only reason you're not
Dangerously underweight
Is because you can't make yourself vomit
Your two fingers don't do their job
Please please please
I beg you, on the stupid
Unreal, tiny screen
Don't hurt yourself
Don't die; here I am begging you
You have control over whether or not
You tickle your pancreas with your hand
It's not that simple, I should know
You've lost another few pounds
You've cut yourself again
You're looking longingly at razor blades
You daft cunt
I keep on telling you I care
If you do this to yourself
If you die
If you die
I lie and stare at the ceiling
And picture you smiling
Dressed in your wonderfully
Ridiculously original clothes
Intelligently telling me
About Nietzsche, rock music, Plath,
Waugh, anorexia, self-harm
Pros and cons
We play our games
Bleep-bleep-bleep
It's you again
Your world is ending
My heart pounds
I want to hug you hold you shake you break you love you hate you
I say soothing things
The wrong things
Loving you only makes it worse
You're all alone inside your head
No one will ever really know you
In essence you're all you have
We're alone, I know
I close my eyes
I cry, not necessarily for you
During the day, when we're side by side
And you laugh at my words
And I at yours
When your soft lips pucker
At the slightest joke
When the sun slants in and makes our shadows
As long as the fake green tennis courts
When you look at me
Then I love you
Then it doesn't matter
That's all I have to hold onto
My midwinter butterfly