Death Sentence

I lie so easily

Compulsively, a fat spider

I weave my fairytales

I have friends I have dreams

Painted on the inside of my skull

Between grey brain tissue and bone

There is a whole life I indulge in

I wish I could drag up some semblance of truth

As I sit, alone, my wholesome little face

Drinks the grey landscape

Dry rocks, wet rocks, slate sky, silent mirror sea

On my doorstep, a dead bird

Frozen solid, mauled, its white feathers spattered

Four drops of blood between the food bowls

I may as well be just as dead

As I sum up perfect existentialist imagery

Not one original thought

In my rosy cheeked mind

At night, I try to cry

The bed covers rumpled

I gave up long ago my futile search

There is no hymen between my wiry hairs and plum

There is no pleasure either

Enough! I'm just indulging myself

These petty words, my petty ideas

I may as well get over it

Or say it aloud at least

"I was raped and now I'm fucked up and I don't know what to do"

Well done! Except I do know what to do

It's cut and cut and cut

And lie, still and silent and frozen

Dead, and deaf, never speaking a word

Surviving and knowing exactly how to cope

Sibilant silver slices on ice white arms

And daydreams, fantasies

Warm arms, laughter, love, perhaps-

Yes. I'm dead.