A Cry for Help

I have never cried in life as much as I do over you.

It's as if you don't even know what I am going through.

You sit there and tell me that you have no depth of feeling.

So while you delude yourself, let me fill you in.

There is agony in every step that I take

And pain filled memories come to mind with every friend I make.

I sleep dreamlessly when I get any sleep at all

And I dream sleeplessly when over the edge I fall.

A chasm opens up to engulf me though I know it won't be the end

Because every time I think of you the chasm crushes me again.

I scream and cry as loud as I can but the darkness swallows all sound.

It is only when I accept my fate that the light of day will be found.

For a few days I can live in peace and be haunted not by my sleep

But then the flash of steel returns and cuts through my wounds much more deep.

You are using your knife to inflict upon me pain you do not know is there.

Why don't you use that knife to kill me instead of leaving me in despair?

I have thought many times that maybe death would be better for me.

But I don't have the heart for suicide nor the money to hire somebody.

So instead of taking "the easy way out," as it is commonly called,

I take to something much more potent and drink until I feel small.

In a way I guess you could say that this is a confession of all the things I felt.

But I'd like to think that what I am writing is a cry to you for help.

I doubt that you will listen to anything that I have to say;

My only hope is that you won't turn around and walk away.

-Laura Ellis (10-21-04)