1AUTHORS NOTE: A few things that you need to know about the characters. Curtis(first paragraph) was a friend with benefit at one time. I was young and naïve, so I fell in love. Sean, was about to become my boyfriend. I had this dream when Curtis was starting to show interest in me again, and Sean and I had become really close, and were about to become a couple. It is not finished, and I'm sorry for that. But I could not find an appropriate ending without dragging it out. I might add to it. Probably not. If you want, you could leave some ideas for the ending. Thanks. Hope you enjoy..
You want this remember. This is the guy of your dreams, your hopes, your wishes. You'd do anything for him. You'd throw away it all, just for a hour with him. Which is what your doing right now. Kiss him. Make him love you. Do anything, maybe he will change. Maybe he will see you in a different light, and realize you are the girl of his dreams. Maybe you will suddenly be the one that he always talks about finding. Maybe… not. You know already that all those things wont happen. And yet, you kiss him. You snuggle with him. Pretend he cares as much as his physical being does. You've done this all before, theres nothing new here. Make him happy for a few hours, make yourself happy for a few days, until you realize that it was all just an act. You will be happy until he blocks you, until he denies talking to you, acts like he doesn't know you. But inside you have this dirty little secret of all that you have shared with him, all his precious words, that turn out to be lies that you didn't need to hear. Those little lies causing more pain then the simple truth, because you wanted to believe them. And after its all over, you will look into those eyes and see happiness, or something like it, and then he will be gone. You will be left more empty and alone than the last time you did this. It seems so long ago, but you know to him, it hasn't been long at all. All the thoughts about him follow you everywhere. Five more minutes you pray for because this whole charade makes you float with happiness. But it's a hard fall when your way up there. You know deep inside you love him, which just makes it hurt more. As you catch your last glimpse of him, you remember the hard bone crushing fall that will happen in a few days. Was it worth it? Another thought floats around in your head and you almost faint. Sean. That sweet, caring boy that would do anything for you. The one you refuse to be official with because of this piece of crap. You hope he never finds out, because the hurt in his eyes would be death to your heart, because you have come to care about him. Enjoyed his company. But he didn't give you the stomachache wanting like every time you saw the piece of crap. An old saying applies here: You want what you cant have. Sean is no work, no needing no wanting. Hes there for you all the time, you don't have to wish for him or make him want you. He loves you. He sees you as no one does, as a wonderful being with no imperfections, no flaws. And the thing that would hurt him the most is you not loving him, and you not being completely his. You know he will never hurt you. But the pain is so much better than no feeling at all.
Time rolls on from your one fatal mistake, and things are looking up. You and Sean have become official, because you had your one last fall, and its time to heal. He is patching all the cracks and tears in your heart, all the untrustworthy thoughts, all the worries. You start to feel good about yourself, about him. The pain that comes when thinking about the piece of crap has faded, still there, but, you can handle it now. You stop worrying that he will find out about your last mistake, until one day you forget about it all. You smile more when he complements you, and you stop having a bad feeling when he says he loves you. You've even considered having sex with him, since the last and only time was a mistake(another piece of crap). You know he would love it, and it would make him happy, but you just don't know if its worth letting him that close. You know its no rush, he always says it doesn't matter, and that he will wait as long as he has too, even not have sex at all. You start to open up, to tell some secrets, some hurts, it helps to heal. You and your parents are way better, there is no fights about things anymore, they say that you have changed for the good, and have learned to accept that you have a boyfriend. You have also learned to love Sean. Truly. Hes becoming your lifeline, and he likes it that way. He is sweeter and nicer than anyone you've ever known, and that makes you happy. You are special. You realize it, accept it, and love it.
Then one day, your at his house like normal, and hes different. You can't explain it. He wont look you in the eyes, and every time you try to touch him, he flinches. When he kisses you its hard and real, but you let him do it anyways. You ask him what's wrong, expecting a family or friend problem.
"You." He says in a barely audible whisper. Your stomach drops.
"Me?"
"Yes." Your heart beat speeds up.
"Why?"
"When were you planning on telling me about Curt?" The blood drains from your face as he looks up into your eyes.
"Wh-What about Curt?" You stammer.
"Umm how about how you were with him 2 months ago?!" He said in a firm voice. You withdraw your hands violently from his body, and look down as tears start to run down your face. He has to understand.
"It didn't mean anything babe, I promise. I'm so sorry." You look into his eyes for any change of emotion, and none comes. His whole body is tight, his eyes hard. Nothing is right.
"Well if didn't mean anything bitch, then why did you do it? Why didn't you tell me about it? DO YOU HAVE AN ANSWER TO THAT?" He yells. You feel like puking, like dying.
"I'm sorry." You whisper through the thousands of tears. You never wanted to hurt him. So much pain radiated from his body. Your shoulders were sagged as you sat motionless on top of him. Its all you can say, all you want is the pain to disappear from his face, for him to be happy again.
"That's bullshit. You never loved me." He yelled as he flipped you and him on the bed. He started kissing you harshly and you wanted him to stop, because his teeth were digging into your gums. He stopped the kiss as suddenly as he had started it, and you checked your mouth for blood. It was there alright. You looked up at him, with his cold eyes, his cold hands that were now removing all your clothing. You never said a thing. Just layed there and cried for it all to stop. But he needed to know you wanted him. Loved him. Suddenly sharp pains came from your chest… he was squeezing so hard.
"Feel this bitch? You like the pain don't you, you slut." You couldn't answer him. Your throat choked on the words, the tears, the screams. It hurt so much to see him like this… so hard, so rigid. Instead of answering his question, you just sit there, tears running down the sides of your face, fear in your eyes. You didn't like him like this. You prayed to God that he would stop and become the Sean that you knew. But he kept going, lowering his mouth to your nipples, and biting as hard as he could. You felt his teeth puncture the skin, and felt the hot blood trickle down onto the center of your chest. You deserved this. You betrayed him. As he lifted his head, you quickly covered yourself with your hands. Like a true punishment, your nipples were rock hard, you wanted him so bad. You tried to make eye contact with him, but he was looking down at your thighs. His hands roughly ran up your legs and harshly dived into you so deep that it hurt. He rammed atleast 3 fingers into you, but you couldn't tell, it just hurt so much. You cried out with pain, which just made him push harder and deeper. Suddenly he stopped, and got off the bed. Your heart lifted with the thought that this was the end. He took off his pants and his boxers. Down went your heart. He came onto the bed and violently pulled your legs open.