"This is so-o awesome!" squealed Brina with excitement as she looked down at the phone. She was far too excited to notice or care that Schlosselhopper had disappeared. Magical things are, after all, magical. And nothing excites a (perfect) blonde more than something magical. Flipping her long, shimmering golden hair behind her shoulders, Brina pondered what she should do with her new treasure. Suddenly a very bright idea came to her.
"Hey, I wonder if it can, like, solve problems for me!"
This said, she narrowed her big blue eyes and furrowed her brow, focusing intensely on the spiffy phone. "Let's see," she said thoughtfully, "I know basically anything that should be known, so there's not much I can really, like, ask it. Though there was that one jerk who called me earlier today…"
Her indignation grew as she remembered the man's words: One thousand, six hundred and ninety-three. After several more moments of thought, she smiled to herself and said, "Okay! Let's see if this 'magical' phone can figure out what that guy meant!"
Slowly she pushed in the buttons one by one. One. Six. Nine. Beep. Beep. Beep. Three. Beep.
With bated breath, Brina waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing happened.
"So!" she cried venomously, tears springing to her eyes. "This was just another guy trying to make me look stupid 'cause I'm blonde!"
No sooner had she said this than a loud song began playing, coming from the receiver of the cell phone. Brina's eyes brightened as she listened to the catchy strains of La Cucaracha, and slowly she fact, her mood was so much improved that she actually started to dance right then and there. "Oh yeah, baby! Dance!" she shouted, grooving happily.
Her boogie was mercilessly cut short as she felt a strange tingling sensation in her fingers that rapidly spread throughout the rest of her body. It was quite uncomfortable and not at all pleasant. "Stop it!" whimpered Brina woefully.
Suddenly her vision blurred, and she was surrounded by a neon yellow haze. "STOP IT!" she yelled, but to no avail. The haze thickened, and soon she could see nothing but yellow. How she hated yellow. Suddenly she felt herself being lifted off the ground. Floating…floating…floating on and on. What was happening? Surely it was all a dream.
The haze was clearing, and as it dissipated it faded from neon yellow to neon black. I'm not quite sure if black can be neon, but I'm sure you understand. As the fog made its rather frightening change of hue, Brina's feet touched solid ground. Slowly the black haze drifted away, and Brina noticed something very peculiar.
This may come as a shock to you, dearest reader, but she was no longer in her house. No indeed! Instead, she was in a sunny valley, surrounded by trees and trees and more trees. Did I mention that she was surrounded by trees? "By golly!" she said, her surprise inspiring her to use rather odd dialect, "I must be in…in… a forest!"
I'm sure we are all quite happy that she made that observation, or else the rest of our lives would have been spent trying to figure out why there were so many trees. Now, without further ado, let us to return to our brave heroine!
"Hey, I'll just look on the bright side of things!" she said, her face brightening with a sudden thought. "There's always a chance of meeting some hot guys!"
"You called, my lady?" came a very masculine voice from behind her. Slowly she turned, and her jaw dropped as she saw a knight in shining armor on top of a very white horse! "Jee golly whiz!" she exclaimed, giggling. "You're kinda cute!"
"Verily I am, verily much so!" he said, smiling down at her ever-so-charmingly. His teeth, by the way, were very shiny and sparkly. In fact, they were so shiny and sparkly that you could probably use them as a mirror! The sun glinted off of them in a very nice way, and Brina felt certain she would swoon.
"But, um, hey I don't get it!" she said, her smile falling. "How did I get here? Last I checked I was back at home in Cali, and now here I am in a place that looks awfully like a forest- AND WITH A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, NO LESS!"
"Pray forgive me, fair lady, but I understand thee not. What is "Cali"? Be it a village?" asked the knight, his armor shining very shinily.
"Tee-hee-hee! Don't be so coy!" Brina giggled, thinking it a great joke. "Cali is, as EVERYONE KNOWS, a cool way of saying California!"
"And California is…?"
"My my my," she twittered. "You are such a flirt! But seriously, where am I?"
"Thou art in England, my lady," he answered very matter-of-factly.
"England?" asked Brina with confusion. She tilted her head, thinking hard. "That's somewhere in Germany, right?"
The knight laughed-and a very nice laugh it was. "My lady is quite the jester!"
"Yeah, speaking of jesters," said Brina, suddenly annoyed, "Why are you all rigged up like a knight anyway? Are you one of those dudes who travels around with the Renaissance Faire people?"
"'Rigged up like a knight'?" he demanded angrily. "I wouldst have thee know that it is no simple process becoming a defender of the soil!"
"Okay, whatever. Defend the dirt all you want, but I want to know where I am!"
"Once again," said the knight, his words coming out very slowly, "Thou art in England, and it is the year 1693."
"Um…hold on one second. If it's okay with you, I need to faint really quick. Thanks," said Brina, then she promptly lost consciousness.
A/N: Yes, I wrote this in fifteen minutes, and on a caffeine high, no less! Please review. Please?