Depressant

Written out of pure inspiration of my mind.

de·pres·sant :

adj. Tending to lower the rate of vital physiological activities.

n. An agent, especially a drug that decreases the rate of vital physiological activities.

Satori's hands were shaking badly, really badly. He needed a fix and he needed it fast. His leg started shaking, a nervous habit. But he couldn't go get it now. No, the teacher would think something was up. He'd been going to the bathroom a little too often recently. If he let on that he was shooting up, he'd be expelled in an instant. Then again, Satori didn't really care.

"Fuck this." He raised his hand. "May I please go to the bathroom?" The teacher nodded and Satori bolted out of his seat and ran to the bathroom before going into one of the stalls and pulling out a pencil case. Inside laid a syringe, lighter, spoon, needle, and the current drug he was getting high off of. He'd currently forgotten. Satori had been through so many in the past week that he forgot which one this was.

As he prepared his arm and syringe, he started wondering, was anyone noticing what he was doing, probably not. No one cared much for him anymore. His parents were too preoccupied with work and having affairs. Satori snorted in disgust. "They could at least tell each other and get divorced already." And then there was the subject of his friends. 'Stupid losers,' thought Satori. 'All of them leaving me alone…'

But then his mind wandered. He did have one last friend though. "Ayame…" Ayame was his last friend remaining. He was pretty smart, athletic, had enough girls swarming over him, and last he checked, was slowly fading into the background of his life. But Ayame was very observant. This frightened Satori. Ayame could know. If Ayame knew, Satori was screwed. Ayame was the kind of person who would tell the teachers if you were shooting up, and the fact that he still had ties to him would mean that he was keeping check on him. He fervently prayed that Ayame hadn't noticed. However, Satori knew he was becoming obvious. Ayame would see the signs.

Satori gave a breath of relief. The syringe was ready and so was his arm. The bathroom door opened but Satori didn't notice. Just as he was about to use it, the stall door slammed open and the syringe was kicked out of his hand to break and roll about on the floor. Satori looked up in anger to see Ayame, his face an expression of extreme disgust and anger.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?! Are you so screwed up now that you're shooting up?" Ayame grabbed Satori by the collar and shook him. "What the hell happened that you'd resort to this?"

Satori shoved Ayame's hands off him. "What's wrong with me? Since when did anyone fucking care! My parents are so caught up in their affairs with other people when they each know the other is fucking around! They don't give a shit about me! And all the rest of you are gone! Even you Ayame! You're getting distant! What more would make me do this!?"

Ayame's eyes burned with rage at the accusation. "I'm getting distant? It was you, dumb ass! You've been skipping out on when we all get together! If anything, you caused everyone to fade away. You didn't want to exist. If anything, I'm the only one who knows you're still alive and wants it that way." With that, Ayame left the stall and bathroom, his job done for today.

Over the next few days, Ayame did nothing to stop Satori from shooting up again. Satori didn't mind. The urges and needs grew stronger and stronger. At times, Satori looked so openly stoned that it was very obvious he was doing drugs. Ayame stayed quiet. He knew that any more intervention from him would do nothing. Satori had to get help himself.

A month later found Satori's hands shaking. His heart was beating fast and sporadically. He had to take a depressant now in order to keep his body in check. The needle shook but was soon pressed in and Satori could feel everything slowing down. But soon, it felt a little hard to breathe. Things started to darken around the edges. The last thing Satori remembered before everything was in darkness was someone blurry entering the stall and crouching down to see if he was okay. The person seemed to have the same dark brown hair color as Ayame and the same hairstyle too.

"Ayame…" was the last thing Satori said before his heart nearly stopped.

Ayame put his ear to Satori's chest. His heartbeat was fading fast. "Baka!" he shouted at the nearly dying teen. He started doing CPR while shouting for the other kid who had followed him in to call for an ambulance. Nothing was working. Ayame pounded at Satori's chest, trying to get his heart to beat.

What seemed like an eternity later, Satori opened his eyes to blurry images that cleared up to show a hospital room with plenty of white, gray, and light colors. It looked so sterile, Satori had an urge to take a black crayon and draw on the walls so he'd stay sane. Then again, another thought struck him, how did he get there?

Satori sat up quickly and was soon pushed down by a firm hand on his chest. He looked up to see Ayame. He looked, for a lack of better words, dead. Dark brown hair that was once usually styled was a mess and sticking out all over the place. Lighter brown eyes looked red and blood shot. His clothes were also a mess, looking rather wrinkled and a little dirty. Even though he was a mess, Satori found the sight Ayame having been by his side like that a little endearing.

"Stay down. You're still recovering or whatever it is," said Ayame in some sort of drowsy state.

"How long have I been out?" Satori stared at the ceiling. Apparently Ayame was not going to let him do much else.

"A week and you know you can make the bed rise and stuff, right?"

Satori's eye twitched. Ayame knew him too well. His hands scrambled for the remote and instantly rose himself into a sitting position. From his new area of view, he took in the decent sized room and finally noticed the IV and monitors. He also silently thanked god for the TV. "What the heck is all this for?"

"You've been out for a week. They need to get some nutrition into you ya know. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sleep." Ayame's head fell to the bed face first and he was off in dreamland before he hit the sheets.

A nurse entered the room soon after. "Oh good you're awake," she said smiling at Satori. "And he's finally getting some more sleep. Thank heavens. The poor boy's been by your side since you got here. Up at the crack of dawn and falling asleep late at night." She put a blanket around Ayame. "I'll just take these out…" She removed most of the IVs stuck in Satori's arm. "Now shall I see about getting you some real food?" Satori's stomach grumbled suddenly and the nurse laughed. "I'll get you something right away. I'll warn you though, it won't taste that great."

Satori placed a hand over his stomach. "That's okay. I'm so starved, anything will taste good now." He then turned his glance over to Ayame. "Did… Did he really stay here the entire time?"

The nurse looked at them both. "Hai, he never let go of your hand. I asked him why once and he said, 'So that he'll know someone is waiting for him to wake up.' I thought it was so sweet, your boyfriend waiting for you to wake up." She then walked out to see about getting that food she promised.

"Boyfriend?"

Satori looked down at Ayame while thinking about what the nurse had said. His long black bangs were getting in his eyes. After sweeping them away, and running a hand through his average length hair, he then noticed Ayame had suddenly taken hold of his other hand again. It gave him a flutter in his stomach that was definitely not hunger pains. They were butterflies. He could definitely imagine Ayame saying what the nurse said he did. It was so him. He would have said it with some sort of goofy smile and a soft expression on his face. His hair must have been messed up too. And suddenly, his heart began to beat a little faster and Satori could feel his face flush. He quickly turned away.

"As if that would ever happen…"

Soon enough, both Satori and Ayame returned to school. Satori was now under a strict rehabilitation program to get him off his drug addiction. For awhile, Satori would shake uncontrollably whenever he wanted to get high that he would break out in a sweat and it would look like he was having a seizure. Ayame, however, was always there to get him up and out of the room, reminding him to breathe and to fight the urge and let it pass.

However, one day it was too much for Satori to stand. He was a few weeks into the program where withdrawal was the worst. He sat shaking in a stall again. The needle was almost done being prepared.

"Gomen ne…" whispered Satori. "I can't take it anymore. I need this…"

Before he could do it, it seemed like déjà vu, but Ayame burst in again and knocked the syringe away. He pulled Satori up and started shaking him again. "What is wrong with you?! We just got done with this!"

"I CAN'T HELP IT!" sobbed Satori. "I've tried, but I can't do this! There's nothing to take my mind off it! I need… I need something! I…"

Satori was cut off as Ayame pressed his lips against Satori's. It was firm yet passionate and Satori could feel his heart flutter and grew dizzy from emotion. It was like he was getting high off of something and he knew he was addicted already. He needed more sweet kisses like these, more of what Ayame was willing to give to him: love.

Satori moaned and started to lean into the kiss just as Ayame was about to part their lips, running his hand through the shorter hairs at the base of Ayame's neck and pulling him closer. This was his ultimate high. This was what he needed the most.

'Why didn't I see it before? Oh yeah… I was getting high…'

Ayame finally pulled away, gasping for breath. "There… Will that distract you enough?" he panted out.

"Yeah. It already has."

Then Satori pulled Ayame down for another kiss, never wanting the moment to end.