The fleshy part of my wrist
Skinny and slight and swollen red
Banging it against chair legs
Pinching and tearing the skin
With my long flaky fingernails
Do you have any idea how much it costs me?
This endless minimalist abuse
A few swollen veins, no red hot relief
Just dull bruise upon dull bruise
I can't concentrate I can't think
Constantly nagging the back of my mind
There is no reason there is no excuse
Just the only true thing I know
I want to cut I need to cut
Bursting and urgent and desperate
You look at me, like I just kicked you
Big eyes, pathetic puppy dog
I feel so guilty; what did I do?
Do you have any idea how much this hurts?
I'm a junkie; I'm just a junkie
I need my fix how can you deny me?
My supplier lies beside my thighs
A razor, a safety pin, a carving knife
Anything will do, I am a junkie
I am surrounded by my heroin
Constantly only one thing in my mind
I am Tantalus
Doomed to grasp for some relief
Standing in front of my sibilant blade
A chase without a match
I am just a junkie holding a fix
I am a junkie without needles
Grasping for my grapes
Imprisoned in their sphere of half light
Not so very far above me
Can't you see how I'm just trying to stay alive?
You've caged me
Even Tantalus was allowed to be unhappy