The walls were so white, and I was so scared. The coldness penetrated my body as my mind slipped away. Everyday was harder, and more complicated then the last. My legs were numb from lack of movement and my back stiff, my mind needed to be cleared. My concentration started breaking as my side repeatedly felt something hitting it. Unable to move I mumbled something under my breath as someone put a coffee in my hand. I guess they deserve some coherent conversation now. But I wasn't about to make this easy..

"Why'd you do it Ad?"

My words were soft but sharp, the hurt and confusion evident in my voice. I tried to sound confident, but I knew he had all the control, he always did and he knew it.

"I don't know…just stressed I guess"

His expression said it all though, he was lying and wasn't going to tell me the truth. Something was going on and no one wanted me to know. If he was going to close himself off from me, then id close myself off from him. I didn't need this, not from him. Especially not here, didn't he have any empathy? The poor kid he had just beaten was lying in a hospital bed a few feet away and from the looks of it, he didn't have any regrets.

"Don't you feel bad? Or at least regret it?"

My voice was hopeful but I already knew the answer. He never regretted a thing and wasn't about to start now. Something had to be missing though, he didn't just beat people up. Especially in front of me. I saw the anger flashing through his eyes, the rage that had taken control had to have been fueled by something. But why wouldn't he tell me? I looked away before he could see the hurt in my face. I didn't expect an answer, I never expected much from him.

The doctor came out with a methodical expression, his eyes glazed over with a worn look to him. I already knew what he was going to say, I always knew what everyone was about to say. Expressions say it all and everything and everyone is all too predictable.

"Adrian Ramzer?"

The doctors voice was slick and arrogant. I hated them, I hated him.

Adrian stood up slowly and nervously, he held just as much hatred as me. I don't know how he managed it all so well. He always had everything under control, I don't know he does it.

"Well, your brother is currently in a coma…we did the best we could but, it may not have been enough. We need to contact your parents to fill in the details, did you fill out the contact information?"

Brother? Adrian had been hiding something. But why? He was pale and sweating, whatever was going on wasn't good. I was afraid and so was he. He glanced nervously at me, I suddenly felt awkward standing there. This had nothing to do with me, I no longer knew what I was doing. I went and sat back down in the waiting room watching them talk. Adrian looked so different, but familiar all the same. When did everything start changing. When did I start feeling so.. left out? I have to get out of here.

The door opened hard, or maybe it was my imagination. Hospitals always seemed to never want anyone to leave. It was like one of those nightmares where you were trapped running around every hall but every escape blocked.

It was cold outside and raining. I stood there feeling every drop slowly sink into my skin, become me. The rain heightened senses and made everything feel so liberated and clean. Never was I as pure as when I can feel each drop penetrate my soul.

I needed to be with someone, to keep my thoughts from wondering. The only constant in my life was now gone. My world was sliding out of place and I was letting it. When had things started to change? It happens so slowly…I just missed it. Maybe Alex will help, Alex always seems to calm me.

I found myself at Adrian's doorstep around when the rain stopped. The rest of the band would probably be inside, they rarely went home.

I opened the door and started towards Adrian's room, but noticed Alex on the back balcony. I walked out and sat down next to him. I always felt so obnoxious and immature around Alex, but comfortable at the same time.

"Want one?"

He waved his cigarette to me after taking an unusually long drag. He looked distracted and confused, kind of like how I felt. His normally vibrant blue eyes looked somewhat dead and dull.

"Maybe later."

I knew that was his last one, and it wasn't what I needed right now anyways. I needed a constant. I needed comfort. I needed Alex, and he understood. He always understood.

I stared into his eyes as he pulled me close into a well needed hug. I laid there comfortably as he caressed my cheek. Something had to change, I just couldn't live like this anymore. Finding comfort in my vices, destroying myself all the more