February 2, 2005

CLIQUES

Warning: Might be offensive to supporters of President Bush.

Author's Note: This is my opinion. I'm sorry I don't feel the same way as you do, but go ahead and tell me what you think.

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! It is a sad but true fact (in my opinion), that there are more of these social groups than any other in the world. Well, with the exception of churches, with also have cliques. Cliques usually involve about ten people, usually all girls (another thing I have to get into. Girls are so petty and makeup-y and boy crazy and dependent that it's insane) who discuss who's going out with whom, who's "like the most biest b ever, I swear!" what kind of lipstick is good for thin lips, and other useless info. They don't let anyone else in and they think it's their God-given duty to tell other people that they (the Cliquers) think they (the people) are the scum of the earth. If ever told this by a Cliquer, I would simply say, "I don't value your opinion very much—at all, actually. Thanks anyway."

What baffles me is the point of cliques. Note that cliques do not usually encompass girls and girls of high school age. Some cliques have males as main members and female members can be adults. For example, Soccer Moms of America, whose very existence depends on "the gradual decline of American society and standards." Yes, these soccer moms live in red states, voted for Bush because of his "morals and character" (which simply means that they disagreed with everything he did in office and voted for him because of nothing; face it, his "morals and character" are nonexistent), go to neighborhood potlucks, and gossip relentlessly about Ms. So-and-so who's husband just died. "Poor dear," on soccer mom says. "I think she's having an affair with her gardener," another one says. "Oh really," exclaim all soccer moms, eager to hear a bit more gossip. After all, they have nowhere to go. They cleaned their houses in record time, fed the dog, made a trip to the bank, and even had time to masturbate to a Danielle Steel novel and with that their husbands were actually—dare they say it?—satisfactory in bed. They really don't expect anything better. They probably even know that their husbands are having affairs with secretaries young enough to be their daughters. That doesn't faze them, though. After all, they're Cliquers!

I digress. Back to figuring out what exactly Cliques do. Yes, they gossip, but that isn't so admirable, is it? Yes, Cliquers are conjoined at the hip and have one prominent leader and all wear similar looking clothes and blah, blah, blah, but really, why do they do all of this? Why would someone be so desperate as to join a clique and have a group of friends that are simply carbon copies of them? Why do any of these things? I mean, do you like "preppy" clothes? No? Then why are you wearing them? Because your fellow Cliquers are? Oh.

I think a plausible reason for the creating, joining, and continuing of cliques is that everyone wants to be accepted. Fine. Great. There's something you can tell your shrink. Are you so eager to be accepted that you'll sacrifice your character, your independence, your uniqueness? And for what, except a new wardrobe, hairstyle, and tons of gossip that'll only rot your brain?

As you can tell, my mantra is "Death to Cliques." Cliques exclude people who aren't pretty enough or rich enough or tall enough or whatever enough. Cliques make other people feel like dog doo. Cliques, as far as I'm concerned, are perfectly disgusting parts of society that should be done away with as soon as possible, and you can quote me on that.

Amen.