Worth

How should a woman define her worth? By her popularity, her money and fine things, her status in society? Does a woman define her worth by how many men have fallen for her? I know many young women who feel they are only of worth if they have a boyfriend, fiancé, a man who constantly confesses his undying love. Well I have one of those, one of the best if you look at him through worldly eyes. He is incredibly good-looking and has a great future ahead of him for all his ambition. He treats me right and loves me, and often he talks of marriage and our children and all the wonderful things he is going to give me. Like I said…one of the best. When I am with him, I feel so special; I know his love is real. So what am I worth? According to him, my worth is great.

I don't feel as if I'm worth very much at all. Indeed I feel worthless. How could this be? Because those things aren't what defines a woman's worth and pity the sad woman who thinks those things are what it's all about. If I am worth anything it's only because I am created in God's image, but then His image I have defiled. I have not done right in the sight of the Lord. Were my fiancé a gift from Him I am sure I would not feel so rotten now. But I chose not to wait for God's gift, and my fiancé is who the devil used to bring about my fall.

I love him. Yesterday I spent hours in his arms, gazing in his eyes, whispering "I love you" back and forth until reluctantly I called my mom to come pick me up for it was getting late and I had school in the morning. I remember at one point I was looking at him and nearly began to cry. I had to say something so I laughed a little and said "I'm not trying to be weird when I say this but you're really beautiful." I expected him to laugh, and he did. Still I was overwhelmed by the emotions flooding through me as I realized he is God's creation and he is beautiful. I was feeling such a powerful mix of things…love for him, but more love for God's creations, despair that he doesn't know God, fear that God will take him away from me and it was all too much. He hugged me close and said "You're crying because I'm beautiful?" I felt like a little child being comforted and all I could do is attempt to nod my head and make a sound "mmhmm".

I've been reading the Bible a lot like I used to and God's slowly coming through. I realize more and more how very little I am worth. If I was serving God, I would be worth so much only because of God. But I am now worth nothing and it hurts but I'm not ready to let go yet. I truly hope no other girl has to go through this. It is my sincere wish that all would understand that the only way to measure your worth is to look through God's eyes. All the things of the world don't make much difference. It's easier if you leave it behind in Egypt and never look back….