Always and Forever Mine
She comes to me like the fog in the night. I know not why, but she comes. As I lie in my bed, suspended between dreamland and reality, she comes. I feel the soft touch of her fingers caressing my cheek. I hear her silken whisper crooning me to wake, awaken not in my world, but in hers. So I struggle to open my sleep encrusted eyes against the barriers of the dimensions between us. Every second I am getting closer until finally I break through. My eyes snap open and I am greeted by a candlelit room. I blink, once, twice, to gather my bearings. I remember so many times I have awaken to this sight and not known where I was. Now I know…I am in her world, the worlds she created for us. My hands glide across the satiny sheets of her bed as I sit up. My eyes scan the room looking for any sign of change since I've been here last. I know of course there are none, no difference exists here, this room always remains exactly how I left it. I take a deep breath of the passion fragranced air. The light scent of sandalwood incense wafts from the burners and vanilla from the many candles, but there is a heavier, muskier smell of our very souls here.
I turn to my right and watch her sleeping beside me. She is always on my right. Her golden hair is spread out over the scarlet pillows as she clutches my picture close to her heart. Her chest rises slowly in deep, relaxed breaths. I smile softly as I stroke her hair and bend down to whisper in her ear.
"Wake up," I tell her. "I am here. You've brought me safe and well." Her eyes flutter and I know that she has heard me. I can almost see her soul scrambling for the way back into her body from the Place Between. Finally, deep, deep aquamarine eyes open. Bright red lips form a smile as a pink tongue slips out from between them.
"Long time no see," she whispers, smirking at me. The candle flickers and reflects in her eyes. Almost immediately my heart leaps into double time as I hear her voice, as I draw my breath in short sharp gasps. It's been so long since I've heard her voice. The she-demon's smile grows wider.
"Yet…not long enough," I finally manage to mutter. She reaches a pale delicate hand towards me and as she moves closer I can't help but flinch. Her seductive smile falters for maybe an instant and her stare becomes cloudy as the wheels turn in her head, yet she pushes the thoughts aside. Her hand, now touching my face, is cold to the touch, not warm with the vitality I once knew. I smile faintly and cover her hand, her long slender fingers, with my own warm ones.
"I don't think…" I start.
She cuts off my thought, "Shh…shh," and covers my lips with her own. The iciness of them causes a jolt within my body as I sit there perplexed before I even bother kissing her back. It's everything and nothing like it was before. And during this time she holds me tight, as if she fears she might never see me again. Oh, how right she is. I sit silent and still, piecing together the bits of information in my mind. I try to speak again, yet she stops the words from flowing out of my mouth with a slender scarlet tipped finger.
"Don't," she whispers, almost to the point of tears. "Don't…not yet." I push all thoughts of what I was going to say before out of my mind, just for the sake of pleasing her. I hear the rain starting to dance on the room as it always does when we meet. She knows how I love the rain. She is laying with her head on my chest as I run my fingers through her long soft hair. I hold a handful of it close and breathe in its intoxicating scent, knowing that this will be the last time that I ever experience it.
"No!" I think. "Put that out of your mind. You could be wrong. It wasn't for sure" But I know, oh, I know. The blade and the blood were too real to be imagined. Before I can debate myself on this topic any longer I feel her kiss my shoulder. I feel her heart on my soul. But there is no physical heat, no warmth of her breath. Her touch is like ice: cold, brittle, and harsh like d…
"NO! I mustn't think it!" No matter how hard I try to conceal my thoughts, she knows. It's always been this way. She has always known me and she could always read my soul. So, seeing me troubled, she sings to me. Her melodious voice fills the tiny atmosphere, and when she touches my skin I can feel the magic of a supernatural orchestra flowing through my very essence. I want to cry out in pain and pleasure all at once, but the ecstasy of the moment renders me speechless. The words of the song flow through my veins as the pure magic of the moment sweeps me away.
"For each day we live we also die," she croons. "Not knowing ourselves or truly seeing the sky…" Has it always been like this? Yes, it is always like this when she sings to me, when she uses her gift to cure my restlessness. But this time not even her song can cure what is on my mind, it actually brings it even more into focus. Finally she removes her hand from mine and I am able to speak once again.
"A…" I falter, I can't seem to find the right words I need to say to her. I can't even seem to get out her name. She looks at me with such innocence, yet such wisdom that I can't help but to cry. In a matter of minutes I am sobbing in her arms like a child who sobs to their mother when they have fallen and scraped their knee. I cannot bear to do what I know I must.
"Don't cry my raven haired beauty," she softly smiles. "We both knew this day would come…"
"How can you say such a thing?" I cry out, the anger and sorrow finally building up to this moment. "This was never planned! Never! How could we have known? How could we have prepared? I cut the life's threads myself! Myself! The blood was real. The blade was real! How do you not remember? This was not the plan. You weren't supposed to leave me! How can you stay so…so strong?" She flinches at my words, never have I spoken so harshly to her. Her bottom lip starts to quiver and immediately I regret what I have said.
I start to apologize. "Baby…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just…" She's shimmering! Oh god, she's shimmering! Her form is shimmering in the night and I can see her starting to fade away! I was right all along, oh the agony of knowing what is to lie ahead!
I scream out to her, "No! Come back! I didn't mean it, I didn't mean a solitary word of it!" but it is too late, she's almost gone. Her eyes meet mine in a sorrowful stare and her lips slowly part to emit a breathless whisper.
"You are the sun…the moon…the stars…but …but you are…" her voice is cut off as she disappears forever into the darkness. She is gone.
"…always and forever mine," I finish for her, alone, sobbing "but you are always and forever mine…" I am now all alone in "our world," without her, for she is dead. She had been holding on to me for too long, even in death, and I had met her here every night since her murder. I suppose this world would have gone on forever if I had just carried on; but I could not, would not, bind myself to an illusion any longer. Not even an illusion of love…
Now this world is shaking and the gentle rain she sent for me has turned into a raging storm. I know that it's her tears. It's now time for me to return home. I close my eyes, letting go of all holds here as the earth shakes and the candles begin to fall. Fire catches the drapes surrounding the bed as the room becomes engulfed in flames. Still, the storm rages on outside. I let my soul go as I travel to the Place Between. I take the route back to my reality and after awhile open my eyes to my bed, my room, my world. I discover the worn picture of me that she used to carry clutched between my hands and I start to weep once again. The light snaps on beside me as the figure in my bed sits up.
"Honey, what's the matter?" my husband asks alarmed as he reaches out to comfort me.
"She came back," I tell him, laying my head on her chest like she used to do to me so many times. "She came back for one final goodbye and I'll never see her again." He looks at me strangely as I reach over him and turn out the light, lying back down on the bed next to him. The illusion is over and my love is gone, but deep in my heart, inside my torn and tattered heart, I know that it is for the best. For no matter the distance, no matter the dimensions, no matter the worlds between us, she is here. She is the sun, the moon, the stars…and she will be always and forever mine…