They stole her life, her purpose in being. She didn't have anything now and all over a stupid phone bill one that had nothing to do with her parents. It was the girls phone and had always been hers, she paid for it and everything to do with it but yet her parents still yelled at her and took away the Internet. She needed the internet so she could have contact with people or was it that now she wasn't allowed a life at all and had to sit around doing nothing but becoming lost in her thoughts and memories letting tears run down her face and her heart dissolving into nothing.

She sat on her bed in the dark, only a little stream of light appearing from the crack in the curtains that hit her hair letting the red of her hair shine. She had been out, she had tried to run away again but again her sister brought her back as she had done once before. Her mum had let her try on prom dresses and found that she would have to get a dress smaller then a size 8 which would probably be impossible. She thought back on the dresses she had tried on they were all so pretty but the ones that were straight dresses had looked horrible and made her look like nothing, which she was but that's not the point. She felt worthless at the moment her Internet had gone so what was the point in having a computer it was useless now. She had two websites that she had to get on but no that was impossible because her mum was being horrible and wouldn't let her have it back. She wanted to talk to her friends but it looked as if now she would have no contact from anyone who wasn't inside her house. Why had it come to this over a phone bill?

She was trying so hard not to let the thoughts fill her mind but it was so hard light was now streaming on her back and blinding her eyes. She fought with herself to get rid of these thoughts but it wasn't working the tears were fighting to come out again. The girl wanted to be able to talk to her friends but no that wasn't allowed as her mum wanted her phone another way of stopping any contact with the outside world. Maybe they wanted her to be alone and friendless because at this rate she would be. The girl's birthday was now not allowed to exist so she was feeling shit that was probably the best way of describing how she felt and what she felt of herself. Her boyfriend was actually starting to make her feel different about herself but well that had now gone out the window thanks to her parents. They always think they know best and had told the girl that her boyfriend wasn't worth it but how did they know when they didn't know him?

She had gone out again in the afternoon to the crematorium to her cousin's grave. She was left there as her family went to the garden centre up the road. She had only waited until they drove out before she collapsed in a heap in front of his little garden tears streaming down her face. Words pouring out her mouth not really making sense but yet all saying about how much she missed him and how she loved him. She cleaned the garden up removing all the dead leaves and making sure the statues were secure so that they wouldn't fall over. She then just sat and watched the garden even though she knew that he wouldn't appear from it or anything like that but she could sit and remember times when they use to play together.

A memory she would never lose is when she played with him at a national trust house called Stourhead. They use to go on holiday in the caravan there every year. She was with her family he was with his and the grandparents came in their caravan. When they weren't going anywhere she sat on a tree stump with her dolls and he had his power ranger dolls. They use to play with them together and then maybe the girls brother or sister may come over and then his sister would come over and they would play football or something else. Stourhead was like a different home the girl learnt to walk there and had so many memories there but now the place is very different and the legendary tree stump no longer exists. Then about two or was it three years before he died, a year before he was diagnosed with cancer they had spent the end of year 2000 together in his room curled up together watching an animorph video. They were alone in the dark watching the video and not really caring what people would think of it they were only young and they were happy. The year after that he was diagnosed with cancer and in October 2002 the girl laid in bed and the phone rang. It woke her up and she immediately started crying that was before anyone spoke before she heard anything she knew and she cried. She hid in her room until after she was sure her mum had put the phone down. She made stopped herself crying and cleaned herself up before she walked out the room. She didn't cry in front of the family that day. She had the choice not to go to school but she did and with her friends help she got through the day.

The memories flew through her head while she sat at his grave. She sat talking to a black heart with the words Anthony James Piltcher and dates and some other words. She sat talking to the equivalent of nothing. Tears kept pouring out of her eyes a river of salty tears that could not be stopped. This how she was to spend Valentines Day. A day that is suppose to be full of love and happiness she spent hurting, crying and dissolving. She watched as slowly her life seemed to vanish disappear but then isn't that what a lot of people wanted?

She wanted to see her boyfriend curl up with him in their dream hut. A hut in the middle of nowhere with a nice warm fire, a guitar propped up in the corner and her and her boyfriend curled up on the sofa under a blanket alone. No one could disturb them or try and hurt them. No one would be able to get in the way and try and split them up. That's all she wanted more then anything is to be able to be happy together.

She had also spent a lot of the day wondering if a certain girl had gone to visit her boyfriend like she said she would. This girl wanted to split them up and she wanted to see someone else's boyfriend on Valentines Day, which was harsh, very harsh. The girl didn't trust this other girl she was scared that she would try and force herself on her boyfriend and she was scared that he would let her. She knew that her boyfriend loved her and that the other girl was just an annoyance but at the same time it was worse then that.

The girl ended up back in front of her computer screen even if she didn't have the Internet it was her home; the computer was her only friend. She could write anything and password it and no one would know anything about it. She had put music on so it was blaring into her ears that way she could block out life and everything and anything in it. She had to sit near her family to be on the computer but she tried her hardest to be invisible and it was working. She didn't exist no one dared to speak to her but then why would they when she wasn't welcome there nor wanted.

She had decided to eat dinner she didn't want to sit with the family because she knew that the atmosphere would be very tense and horrible. It would make her ill like it did normally. She didn't understand what she had done wrong. It was her phone so how she had misused her parent's trust by running up a phone bill she didn't understand and she didn't think that she ever would. She wished that she could understand and she wished she could hear Eventis play right now they always calmed her or was it because her boyfriend was one of them; either way she loved their music and they were defiantly one of her favourite bands.

She was listening to Blink 182. They seemed to be really depressing at the moment she had never found them this bad before but listening to Always made her want her boyfriend even more same with I Miss You and I'm Lost Without You. She looked at her sister who was eating chicken that had been cooked in lemon or something that the girl thought tasted wrong. She felt tired very tired and wished now more then anything that her boyfriend wasn't going racing so she could talk to him but he had to go. Racing was important to him and she was proud of him because of it. He would be leaving in about an hour and she smiled at the thought of him racing against people twice his age. She pictured him winning and smiling with his car; she smiled at the thought of it and wished that she would be able to see him race.

I will go down as your lover, your friend, give me your lips and with one kiss we'll begin…

She loved this line she wasn't sure why but it always stuck in her head. It reminded her of her boyfriend.

Coz I am, I'm lost without you….

It was how she felt when she was without him. They had only been going out for just over a week and she was already besotted with him. She loved him more then she thought she would in fact she never even dreamed of loving him this much he was just so calm and gentle he was everything she wanted and needed in a guy.