The Uncanny Link Between Pompous Europeans and Thermometers
Europe; everyone knows it, loves it, and generally agrees that it has caused the greatest of the world's problems in the last two thousand years. The two Great Wars, the pagan massacre of Christians, the Christian massacre of pagans, France – but America is the worst of all. Clearly, donating hundreds of millions of dollars to the victims of the tsunami makes Americans selfish. And if they did donate more, they'd be accused of not using their money to clean up Iraq. Either way, they are wrong.
Why, one asks. It is commonly known that America is the most obese country in the world; Michael Moore tells us so. Therefore, since America is obese, it must have health problems. So, Europeans, like thermometers, must hang off of America's ass. They can tell you if something is wrong; they are finely tuned to detect all of America's flaws, as their existence (like a thermometer to a human) depends solely on whether or not they can detect error. That, and the two generally give off the odor of celery and stale farts.
Why are these small bands of Europeans such control freaks? Why must they poke themselves into American business at every opportunity? Well, they claim that they are affected by our policies; the best example being Social Security. Pompous Europeans must fill their otherwise trite lives with complaints about it, because the affairs that only involve the American elderly obviously have great impact on them. And they have all the room in the world to talk about poor treatment of the elderly – the heat wave that killed at least 10,000 elderly folk in France due to poor health care is irrelevant.
Like anal thermometers, they have to stick their nose in other people's business.
As Europeans, they can proudly say that America is immoral. Believing Iraqis should be free makes all Americans evil. The holocaust, the Crusades, Fascism, British Imperialism, and the Napoleonic military campaign, by the same principle, do not have the same effect on Europe. Good to know hypocrisy is dead. As Europeans, we can surely say that we have the brownest, most crap covered noses in the world.
Disclaimer: This is not aimed at all Europeans, don't bother me with caring about your feelings.