Foreword by Ginger Mel, Agent

I do not approve of this story. I do not like this story. It's really lousy. Honestly, who cares? I certainly don't, and my parents are two of the main characters in the story. Of course, it is a story that probably has a great impact on its target audience. (Which is what? Idiots?)

It's maudlin, it's sappy, it's badly written… Is there anything good to say about it? I don't think so. The only reason I have not demanded that it be burned at the stake is because I get to write a foreword and I'm rather flattered.

Also, of course, burning a novel at the stake is pointless- just burning it would be effective enough. Which I fully intend to do, as soon as the author lets me get my hands on it… Dangit, I hate this story. I think the characterization and the plotlines are bad, and the random romances… well, so they existed, but that doesn't stop 'em from being crap.

Anyways, go right ahead and read it. Just don't say I didn't warn you- this is a very bad story.

Foreword by Oracle

The above is not true in the slightest. Ginger's just jealous.

Foreword by Reria

This is a very nice novel. I firmly believe everyone will read it because it will change their lives.

Just kidding, it's not bad, but it's not all that great, either. There is a lot of me, though. I like that.

After all, I am a fascinating person who should be read about all over the world, and then some. Or not. Doesn't really matter, either way.

It's just a story written by a kid. Possibly not all that historically accurate, maybe a little fuzzy on the dialogue, but it's got me and Rosie in it. 'Sall good.

Should not write when I am drunk. Bad idea.

The Prologue that Comes Before the Prologue

Rosemary flipped through the mail, looking at the various flyers until one caught her attention. She read it out laughingly to her friend. "Do you want to go travelling to exotic places, learn to use nice weapons and protect good literature? Apparently this place called the Protectors of the Plot Continuum is recruiting!"

Mary Dill snorted. "…You have got to be kidding me. I refuse to believe there's an organization named the Protectors of the Plot Continuum."

Rosemary shook her head. "Paperwork and stuff right here. It doesn't even ask for anything personal… It's really kind of strange, but it looks like fun. Want to give it a shot?"

"Let me see that paperwork…" Mary grabbed it out of her friend's hands.

"What do you think?"

"…I don't know, Rosie. It looks interesting, but I'm not so sure it's legit. After all- rescuing stories from the grips of bad authors- what do they mean? Like, re-writing them? Isn't that illegal?"

"I don't know. They mention something about going into the story- come on, let's apply. Can't hurt anything!"

"Well, I guess since they don't ask for credit card numbers or even social insurance numbers, it wouldn't hurt."

Rosemary grinned. "Exactly! The worst they can do is follow us at night!"

Her best friend shook her head ruefully. "You're over-optimistic. Where are the pens?"

"Corner of the cupboard."

"Do you think this job is dangerous?" Mary frowned as she read a question on the paper.

"Can't say, why?"

"Oh, no reason. What do you think my most feared method of death is?"

Rosemary shrugged. "Drawing a blank there. I don't think we ever went on wild adventurous quests when we were younger."

"Well, that's what I thought. I think I'll put down 'scorpion pit'.

"Heh. I'll put being trampled to death by raging centaurs."

Mary put down her pen. "Finished- hey, where'd it go?"

"Mine's gone too. This is weird."

THUD

SMACK

"Ow. Where the hell are we?" Rosemary looked around the near-empty grey room in confusion.

"No clue here. But there's a flower sitting behind that desk…"

Prologue

Mary stared at her partner in shock. "Explore? Are you out of your mind?"

Rosemary laughed,"Of course not. I think we should get to know more people who live here."

"Rosie, they're all insane."

"So? Maybe there're nice people. Besides, I'm bored."

Dill sighed and shrugged. "Well, if you want to. I guess it might not be too bad."

Rosemary bounced with glee and squealed as she dragged her reluctant partner out the room, "Yay! I'm so excited!"

Her loud banging on the door of the next response centre was answered with an even louder "BUZZ OFF!" from inside. She frowned and moved on.

An hour later, both of them were wet, singed and munching chocolate chip cookies from the only person who had been nice, an agent with the Disturbing Acts of Violence Department who was old enough to be their grandmother and had cooed over them excessively.

Rosemary dispiritedly knocked on another door and was surprised when it creaked open. She poked her head in and laughed. "Mary, it's really cool in here! Come on!"

She pushed the door open all the way to reveal a room full of couches, tables and a bar hulking in the corner. Dill raised an eyebrow. "What do you think this place is, Rosie?"

Her friend pointed out the faded sign above the entrance. "Looks like the 'PPC Lounge' to me."

Author's Note

I finally present- three months after the fact- the fruit of my NaNoWriMo labours. Fifty thousand words in a month, I didn't quite make it, but I did write a novel and I'm quite proud of myself.

I'd like to thank Chiad, who is my beta, for betaing this piece of crap. Judging from the amount of yellow highlighter I found in it, she has her work cut out for her in the next chapters.

This novel has been given permission to exist by GreyLadyBast, so don't flame me about that. I welcome constructive criticism and flames, the former will be used to improve me and the latter will be used to keep my hands warm.

Mindless praise is all to the good as well.