Once there was a little three-year-old boy named Joel. He liked pens. Whenever he saw a pen, he coloured on himself. It became a problem for Joel's parents because they had thousands of pens. Sometimes they had to use a pen eraser because they ran out of water. And that took them a week to get all the pen marks off with an eraser. Even with water it took them two days. So they told him to get something new to love. He chose beans. From that day, he just loooooved beans. And that also became a problem. He started farting and farting. He even pooped 6 times a day. So his house started to smell and no one wanted to come visit. Not even Joel's dear old grandmother.

It was Joel's first day of school. He was having a hard time fitting in and making new friends. There was one kid, who had so many pimples, he was just hideous. No one wanted to be his friend either. Oh, wait. That was Joel too. Hoo-boy. I'm lost for ideas. UUHHH.

The next day, Joel went to school and saw this girl. She was so pretty and he really liked her. He walked up to her one day and ripped a big one.

"I'm s-s-sorry," said Joel.

"Oh, its ok. I love the smell of farts. It reminds me of my house and my parents!" she said.

"Whys that?" asked Joel.

"My father has this hobby. Every weekend he takes us to the zoo, sneaks over the fences and runs around with the elephants. He rolls around in their poop and then he smears it in my hair and uses it for ice-cream topping" she said while giggling happily.

"Woah! Creepy! I think I'm gonna go sit over there and scream in that pillow" said Joel.

As he was screaming, the little girl was playing with the poo she found in the kindergarten toilet. The teacher came in the room. She was pointing at some children.

"Jimmy, stop eating paste," she said as she pointed at a little boy. "Martin, stop eating glue, and Lily, stop eating poo!"

Joel had been screaming until he finally realised he was in love with a turd.

"So, Lily is her name," he said to himself as he ripped a big one.

"Kids! Recess Time!" the teacher called.

They were outside with their snacks.

As the kids were outside, a gigantic steamroller ran over Lily. The sky then turned grey and Lily and Joel were the only kids there. It has turned into a tragic death scene from a soap opera.

"Lily, since the moment I met you, I knew we were meant for each other," said Joel as he wiped a tear from his nose.

"Joel, from the moment I smelled you, I new that I wanted to continue smelling you. I couldn't wait until we got older, so that I could smell you in your teens, so I could smell you not wearing your Power Stripe deodorant (BEST SPONSORS EVER)" she said.

"That was a really messy sentence," said Joel.

"Joel, before I die there is something I must tell you. I never loved you. Jimmy Eldins in the second grade smells much worse than you do," she said as she died.

The steamroller then rolled over her again, and again, and again.


It suddenly turned into a horror movie. Joel put on a hockey mask and went to the second grade classroom. He knocked on the door.

"Hello MAM! Can I PLEASE speak to Jimmy Eldins?" he asked as politely as he could.

She turned around and said, "Jimmy Eldins! Someone is here to see you!"

He ran to the door.

"Come in the hall ALONE!" Joel demanded.

Jimmy Eldins shut the door. Joel pulled machete and stabbed Jimmy Eldins to death. The teacher opened the door. Joel was gone. But she saw Jimmy Eldins' dead body lying on the ground. It will forever be a mystery of who killed Jimmy Eldins.

Actually it isn't…. I just told you the whole freakin' story! Go write your own crap on the death of Jimmy Eldins.