Cake Story

"Your gig's tonight at a party in Charis Hall. 7pm. Don't be late."

With that, my loving manager hung up. No checking whether the time would be good for me, no checking whether I want to be in this Charis Hall in the first place. Well I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Not that I'm a beggar. I am an artist. I am a dancer. I am a singer. I have enough sex appeal to being a whole generation of men to their knees.

I jump out of cakes.

And yes it is a real profession and it happens to bring in a lot of money.

Five to seven and I was totally prepared to go cakejumping, though absolutely freezing in my leopard print bikini since it was the middle of winter and I swear this room has cold drafts or something. Either that or somebody forgot to turn off the air conditioner last summer.

A guy stuck his head into the door and gawked at me. Might I add a very cute boy who I wouldn't mind seeing jumping out of a cake all dressed in leopard print?

A minute later, he seemed to have recovered. "Act starts in 4 minutes…"

Still drooling, he went out. I chuckled. Boys…

I crawled through the hidden opening in the cake. The thing's all cardboard and wax except a cream bit at the top so it looks like a real cake when I jump out. Not hard to hide a door in it.

I curled up in the cake and shivered, shocked at how cold it was. I completely expected it to be at least almost warmer in there… Sighing, I sat there and waited for the cake to be moved.

About 3 seconds later, much sooner than expected, I felt the cake being lifted. Suddenly, in the air, it was so much colder. Somebody should clue this cake in and tell it that hot air rises so when it becomes airborne it should warm up.

A minute later I felt the cake start to rock. Either the guy carrying the cake is having a drunk attack or I'm in a moving vehicle. Which was not part of the deal!

Growling, I tried to open the hidden door. It was wedged shut. As you would expect, I was feeling mildly annoyed. Not wanting to bonk my head on the roof of this car and give myself a concussion, I opted for waiting and killing whoever kidnapped me when I get out.

No less than half an hour later, the car stopped. I tensed, ready to jump out of this cake the minute it is lifted out of the car and give my kidnapper hell.

However, it seemed my kidnapper had alternative motives other than kidnapping me. I know this because a knife was sawing through the cake, cardboard or not. No not a huge machete or anything. A cake-knife.

The guy, obviously not the brightest one ever created, seemed to think this was a real cake. Wait till he tastes the wax…

The chunk was pulled out and icy air blew in through the hole. So very cold! The silly boy let out a wail as he realized that his gigantic cake was cardboard and wax.

"Oi! Let me out of here!" I yelled.

"There's someone inside?" he asked sounding like he didn't believe me, as if I was a ghost or something trapped in the cake.

"Damn right. Now get this damn cake out of this damn car and let me out!"

Screaming, he ran off.

Going psycho from cold and slight annoyance, I shoved my foot through the side of the cake and crashed out, just in time to see the annoying guy run through a giant pair of oak doors.

For one second, I ignored the cold and gaped at the building. It was some weird almost castle thing. It looked like it belonged to a theme park but I doubt theme parks would be built in the middle of nowhere and containing nothing but a creepy almost-castle. Even Disney wouldn't go to such lengths.

Other than the fact that I was brave (ok and that I needed the car keys to get back) I marched straight into the weird building, leopard print bikini and all.

If possible inside it was even colder. Why is everything cold today? I blame the leopard print. Next week I'm going leather. I hear it's warm.

Apart from being like a freezer lost in Antarctica, the place was freakishly weird. In that medieval kind of way. Like armour everywhere and bits of cobweb and all that. Whatever this is, it's not the place I'm meant to jump out of a cake in.

"C'mon creepy little cake-napper," I tried to hiss even though the effect was obviously ruined by my teeth chattering. "Come to mummy…"

I heard a very loud squeak come from the room behind the door right next to me. A coward who's very bad at hiding. Not a good mix.

"Ready or not here I come!" I yelled. Clumsily because of the cold, I ran up to the door and kicked it down. Lucky my feet were frozen numb or that would have hurt.

"NO!" squealed the cakenapper. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! PLEASE!"

He was some weedy little guy with a weak chin and pot belly. Gross.

"Why," I would have thundered if it wasn't for my teeth chattering, "did you kidnap me?"

He looked at me incredulously. "Why would I want you? I wanted cake! And that was the biggest cake I've ever seen!"

"Listen you creepy cakenapper! I want to go back now you understand? You can eat as much of your freaking cake as you want as long as I'm not in it! Get it? NOW GIVE ME YOUR CAR KEYS!"

He screamed, threw the car keys at me and promptly fainted. What a wuss.

Muttering under my breath about weird ugly little men trying to steal cakes and mistakenly kidnapping me, I stormed out to the car and turned the heat on full blast, considering a new profession. No cakes, no leopard print bikinis in sub zero conditions and no creepy castles.

It only took one second of real thinking.

Pole dancing here I come!

A/N – This is an English assignment so lets play a game! It's called predict xin's mark. This is meant to be a gothic story (traditional not that whole peeps in black thing). It is being marked by a student teacher. Now predict a mark out of 10. Closest guess wins. Good luck.